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Wow, It's Been A While/What If They Were Real? (HUGE 56K Warning)

I haven't updated my blog in months. I have no excuses, I'm just that lazy.

Also, I didn't want to get around to posting my 2nd "Video Game Fan Videos that Don't Blow" entry (it's coming, don't worry). I've been debating whether I should make the 2nd edition all of Nintendo or just Mario-related games...but I'm leaning towards Mario. I'll post that eventually.

For now, I thought I'd post some "what if they were real" pictures. You may have seen some of these, but I'm sure there are some surprises for you as well.


10 points to anyone who can name all of them (It's easy).

Which ones are your favorite?

Newman, Out!



Video Game Fan Videos that Don't Blow (Valve Edition)

For the next few blogs, I'm going to compile some of my favorite fan videos. In the same vein (vain? I can never remember which word goes with the phrase) as the Quotes of the Week (now handled by the All-Mighty Alex_99, who needs more quotes, by the him, damnit!), I'm going to need suggestions for the next edition, so get on it!

First up, we have my choices for anything Valve-related (Garry's Mod FTW!).

So, without further whatever, enjoy "Video Game Fan Videos that Don't Blow (Valve Edtion)":

Portal: A Day in the Life of a Turret

Counter-Strike For Kids (Credit goes to Haziq for posting this in the Off-Topic Lounge)

Ballad of Black Mesa

Half life: Full Life Consequences 1, & 2

The Idiots of Garry's Mod


Next time (whenever that is), I'm doing the Nintendo Edition, so PM me any Nintendo-related funnies (doesn't have to be videos, by the way. Pictures, Gifs, comics...whatever you think is funny works for me). I'll give you credit, plus, you'll look cool. Win-win right there, snitches!

Until then,


I posted this in the Off-Topic Lounge in the Wii forums already, but what the Hell, I'll post it here too. It's worth it.

These are decals (removable stickers, in other words) that you can put on your walls. It's like wallpaper, except it's a lot easier.

Best part? They're video game-related!

Check them out (click on the links for the site):

8-Bit Sprites

New Super Mario Bros.

Space Invaders

Donkey Kong

And my personal favorite (obviously),

Super Mario Bros.

I wish I had the money ($75.00 :(), but more importantly, I wish my girlfriend wouldn't kill me if I put those up on our walls...I mean, she's into video games, but there's a fine line you see...and if you step over it you're officially a "nerd", and those decals would most likely push me over the edge. I'm pushing my luck as it is with my bookshelf full of games...Maybe I could put the decals on my bookshelf!!! It's perfect!

Anybody else interested in getting them? If not, what video game (or Cartoon, movie, etc.) would you want on your walls?

Personally, I really like the Mario Bros one, but I'm sure a lot of you guys want Zelda or FF or something crazy like that. Your thoughts?

In Russia, Taco Eats You...

It's true, I lost a friend to the evil taco-demons. It's a serious problem on the streets of Russia. Here's a picture for proof:

Ok, now that that's out of the way, I can get to the real meaning of this post. For my birthday (yesterday), I gifted myself the best invention ever created by man. Is it antibiotics? Nope. Is it electricity? No (In fact, you can't even buy electricity. Little known fact). Is it a taco? I wish.

No, it's even better than all of those put together:

Read that again. It's not the game, it's the cartoon. Hells yes it is.

Now all I need is the Ninja Turtles TV show and my childhood is complete.

Man, I used to draw so many pictures of Mario in kindergarten...good times.

What shows did you guys watch as a kid?

Quotes of the Week Returns?!?

Is it true?

Sort of.

See, alexh_99 has graciously offered to continue the Quotes of the Week on his blog, and I, for one, will be supporting him just as you guys supported me when I was doing it.

I hope you'll all "track" him (Do it now!) so he can get as many people reading as possible. Also, send him your quotes you find on the forums.

Personally, I can't wait to see where he takes it. Will he add new features? Maybe a return of The Assignment? Will he have a cool sign-off catch-phrase? The sky's the limit.

So, good luck alex. Don't *%& it up!

No pressure.

PS, he'll be starting next week. Enjoy!

Some bad news...

So, on top of my job, I've got other things on my plate right now. What does that mean? Well, I won't be on the boards so much, and even worse, the Quotes of the Week will have to be put into temporary retirement.

...that is, unless someone wants to take over for me. If anybody is interested in continuing the Quotes of the Week, please PM me to let me know you're interested and I'll make sure to put a link in my blog to your blog and get everyone to go there.

I didn't want to have to call it quits, but I'm far too busy to keep it up right now. I'll keep you posted on what's going to happen with the Quotes in the future.

Until then,

Quotes of the...Week?

Not enough people sent Newman quotes. Not enough quotes equals no Quotes of the Week. No Quotes of the Week equals..well, no Quotes of the Week, I guess.

I'll put this week and next week together, but if I don't get enough support in the future, I can't really do this anymore.

In the meantime, I'll give you a real life quote that I thought I'd never say in my life to my father:

"You have caulk on your face."

If you know how to pronounce that word, trust me, it's funny.

Newman, out!

(un)Official Quotes of the Week! (Ep.7: May 23-29)

Note to self: Don't drink 10 beers, 2 tequila shots, and a rum and Coke in one night. Your head will thank you.

This week's quotes should be...interesting. Let's see how it goes.


Quote Number 1:

Thread: I just found out my grandma does heroine ...

Topic: Here's what he said:

Now, I don't know exactly which quote to choose, because the thread was just funny overall. Just take a look at it and see for yourself.

Actually, I'll give you a couple, but I still recommend reading the thread.

The Response(s):

Why I like it: I thought it was funny how many people took it seriously. If an 85 year-old Grandma did heroin, she would surely die. Their bodies just can't bounce back after a shock to the system like that. It's like punching an old dude in the crotch...he ain't getting up (Pun intended).

I also thought it was funny how so few people even noticed that he wrote "heroine" instead of "heroin". What, did she get down and dirty with Wonder Woman?

Oh God, mental image. Mental image!!!

Found by: SirSpudly


Quote Number 2:

Thread: What turns you on?

Topic: Self-explanatory. Like the last thread, this one was also great as a whole. I couldn't choose just one, so I picked my favorites.

The Response(s):

Why I like it: I don't know why, but whenever a thread about women comes around, nobody can give an honest response. It's kind of sad, but at the same time, it makes for some good quotes for me. Win/win right there.

Found by: thattotally


Quote Number 3:

Thread: Weight lose anyone?

Topic: With his poor grasp on the English language, the TC asked if any Wii owners have lost weight.

The Response:

Why I like it: First of all, I was kind of expecting someone to point out the fact that he didn't specifically say "did anyone lose weight by playing the Wii", but rather just if they lost weight.

Other than that though, I like the quote, not just because his sentence was poorly written, or the subsequent ownage, but because he wrote "weight lose".

What does that even mean? Is "weight lose" the opposite of "shine get"?

You are win!


Quote Number 4:

Thread: Hardware, Who's More Reliable?

Topic: Who has the best reputation for reliability when it comes to consoles: Microsoft, Sony, or Nintendo?

You'll say Nintendo, right? Well, let's think for a minute. Way back in the day, the NES had the 82pin problem (remember blowing on your carts?). And the Wii had all those problems with the dual-layered Brawl discs, and a bunch of people had to send in their Wii's for cleaning. So it's hard to call.

This guy does have a good point though...

The Response:

Why I like it: I'm pretty sure I've dropped all of my Nintendo systems over the years, and I've never had one crap out on me. Nintendonium: the only explanation.

Found by: creepy_mike


Quote Number 5:

Thread: Let's all admit...

Topic: He claims that the best way to pass time on the toilet is to play the DS.

The Response:

Why I like it: Good call, but obviously this thread was bound to be locked. I just didn't think it would get locked so quickly. Nobody even got to say anything about his little picture there. I kind of like it.

Found by: SirSpudly


Quote Number 6:

Thread: So Annoying!

Topic: Lunar thought that the characters in Boom Blox were so annoying that he wanted to rip his hair out. For some reason, the whole thread turned into a discussion of hair.

The Response:

Why I like it: Well, the best part about this cames from SirSpudly himself. When he sent me this, he added,

"Just for you, because you like including little tidbits in your article (this is true and will stop those kids from stealing my OT): Should I mention I'm balding?"

Found by: SirSpudly


Quote Number 7:

Thread: Okami Is SO Freaking Broken - Great Job Capcom

Topic: Christ, man. Learn to use the controls properly before saying it's "broken". That's like an English-speaking dude going into a begginer's Spanish **** and within 5 minutes, says "this launguage is unintelligible".

The Response:

Why I like it: Owned.

Now, in Jason's defense, he hated on Brawl worse than a jealous, 360 fanboy.

But still, owned.

Found by: Lunar52


Quote Number 8:

Thread: How in the hell do skyscrapers not topple over?

Topic: Good question. Who knows? Maybe these guys do...

The Response(s):

Why I like it: Some good answers, but I'm going to have to go with hax. It's totally hax. It makes so much sense.


I think that's pretty much it for quotes this week. I guess I'll get to...


The Assignment

A total of 1 person participated. I guess conspiracy theories are about as popular as Jack Thompson around here. Oh well. It's a good one at least.

This just in...

Miami attorney Jack Thompson, was arrested today upon accusations of slavery surfaced earlier this week. Police escorted the deranged defamer of video games from his home where they discovered over 20 malnourished midgets who were paid only in cacao beans and forced to scour the internets looking for things for Thompson to whine and moan about.

Upon claiming that the midgets were "Oompa-Loompas", police discovered that he was in fact, the twin brother of Gene Wilder of Willy Wonka fame, who had gone mad with jealousy over being rejected for the role over his twin.

According to police, Thompson was "..only trying to protect all the precious children, unlike that good-for-nothing obesity inducing brother of mine."

Thompson is best known for his amazing feats of jackassery against the gaming community including lobbying against games such as Grand Theft Auto and Bully.

Public outcry is calling for capital punishment, not for his heinous crimes, but "...just 'cause the world could use one less douchebag like him."



It seems that very few people care about submitting for the Assignment, so I don't think I'll do it anymore. I'm a little disappointed because I thought it had potential if more people had taken part, but what can you do?

Until next week,

Newman, out!

(un)Official Quotes of the Week! (Ep.6: May 16-22)

If you have a milkshake...and I have a milkshake...and I have a straw, there it is, that's a straw, see. Watch it. And my straw, reaches acroOoOoOoOoss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake...I. Drink. Your. Milkshake! *SluUuUuUrp* I DRINK IT UP!

Best scene from a movie. Ever. Of all time. I challenge you to find me a better scene. Don't even bother with The Godfather, it has nothing on There Will Be Blood.

That's just me though.

Ok, guys, let's get one thing straight. *fixes hair* There we go. All better.

Yes, lame joke, I know. My girlfriend is out of town, so I've been talking to my cat all week. Makes you go crazy, if you didn't know. Oh, and I guess it makes you lose your sense of humor(or humour for fellow Canadians).

Anyway, this week was interesting. I actually got my first 2 pieces of...I guess what you would call "fanmail", so that was nice. But more importantly, the first message I got was not only to compliment my blog, but he was mad at me as well. So simultaneously, I got fan mail and hate mail as my very first piece of mail. How many people can say that?

So I guess you're wondering how that's possible, well, I'll post the message for all to see (though I'll leave his username out):

Yeah. I didn't think it was possible either, but I guess you can't deny the proof.

Ok, let's get this show on the road.


Quote Number 1:

Thread: Despite the sales, I dont consider the wii a next gen console.

Topic: He gives his tired reasons why the Wii is not "next gen". Blah, blah, blah.

The Response:

Why I like it: I thought this argument was dead. I guess I underestimated the stupidity of System Wars.

Also, The Rock was awesome. Brings back some memories of me throwing my brother through a wall...oh wait, I talked about that last week. Never mind.

Found By: Haziqonfire


Quote Number 2:

Thread: Oh No, Something Horrible Happened To My Wii And Myself

Topic: Jaysonguy created this thread to try to convince us that when the Wii's memory is full, the Wii will be fine...but your own well-being? That's a different story. Here's what he said:

"My Wii is still working the same but I HAVE noticed that my cereal got soggier faster today and Thursday I had a sore throat for about 2 hours" (He's basically mocking people who say that the Wii needs a HDD).

He then asked what else he should be on the lookout for. Some people gave him some tips.

The Response:

Why I like it: I'm pretty sure this story is true (at least, in my head it is)....I didn't even know it was possible to slip on a banana peel. I think I even tried before when I was younger and it didn't work.

Hmm...better send this one off to Mythbusters.

Found By: SMR-Venom


Quote Number 3:

Thread: Sonic RPG not looking so hot?

Topic: That crazy Sonic. Why you all gettin' in RPGs now? Who do you think you are, Twelve-years-ago-Mario?

Anyway, this response pretty much sums up my feelings toward the game.

The Response:

Why I like it: Yeah, but that'll never happen. Nascar has more pride than that.

...I spoke too soon.

Found By: BrunoBRS


Quote Number 4:

Thread: Actually, this one isn't a thread. As an (un)Offical Quotes of the Week! first, I'm taking this from a blog. That's right. I'm crazy like that. Anyway, the blog entry is Your Baby Is Not Special.

Topic: Another piece by Jaysonguy this week. That's 2 more than I can handle.

Actually, his blogs are usually great (well, sans his Brawl ones), and this one is no exception. It's pretty obvious what the blog is about; basically he says why your baby is not special, and then suggests what we should do to minimize the amount of bragging that annoying parents do (when they act like their baby is the best thing in the world). I reccommend reading it, if you haven't already. Click the link above to read it.

...but don't do that until after you're done reading this (4 times ;)).

This quote comes from one of the people who responded to his "solution" to the annoying parents.

The Response:

Why I like it: Babies are tasty.

*Disclaimer: I don't recommend eating babies. I mean, I do when it's on the menu at a restaurant...but don't go out of your way to do it.*


Quote Number 5:

Thread: This applys to only those who truly know there music...

Topic: The TC asked who had more influence in the 80's (out of these 2 bands): The Pixies, or The Smiths. If you don't know who they are, you might not get this one. But if you've seen Fight Club, the song at the end was by The Pixies.

Anyway, there was this one guy who...well, just read it.

The Response:

Why I like it: Other than the fact that The Cure, The Smiths, and The Pixies all had a HUGE impact on the music industry (Radiohead, Modest Mouse, Nirvana, all of current Punk and Emo music, and others say "hello"), I like the fact that he says "I've never even heard of those 2 bands. If no one listens to them how were they important?", suggesting that he represents everyone. "I AM GOD!!! I AM ALL KNOWING AND ALL POWERFUL!!! Oh, and I can tell what bands everyone likes, too."

Found by: creepy_mike


Quote Number 6:

Thread: What Wii Games Is Coming This Fall?

The Response:

Why I like it: That's a good question, Lyphe2k. That's a good question indeed.

Maybe Elves started typing half way through (yeah, they need a smaller font. Weird, I know).

Maybe he had to go to the bathroom real quick and thought that by typing smaller he'd be done faster.

Or maybe he's just trying to hide the fact that he likes crappy games like Cruis'n. We'll never know.


Quote Number 7:

Thread: IGN reviews we ski

Topic: Eww, another Jaysonguy post? Well, at least I'm in it. :D I think that balances out to "just awesome enough".

The Response:

Why I like it: Now, I don't know what Jaysonguy looks like, so I just use my imagination and pretend he's trying to type while waving his arms like one of those Wacky, waving, inflatable, arm-flailing tube-men. And it's hilarious.


Quote Number 8 (and like a million others):

Thread: Disappearing Wii Disc

Topic: This was a great thread. This guy claims that he dropped his Copy of Brawl, it rolled on the floor, and he and his 4 friends couldn't find it. Then, a few days later, he found it back in his Wii.

Now, this thread had little to do with the Wii itself, because what he wanted to know is how that could have happened. Time for some conspiracy theories!

Here's a bunch of the ones I liked.

The Response(s):

^^That link obviously took you to the "You Got Owned" song.

^^That last one is a reference to DBZ (in case you've never seen the clip).

Why I like it: What did the TC really want us to say? Seriously, how the Hell would we know how it happened?

Well, I would know, seeing as I have that hidden cam...I mean, "surveillance" camera in his house.

What? His mom is hot!


Well, that's it for quotes this week. Thanks a lot to everyone who sent theirs in. Next week, I'll need your help even more, because I won't be here all week (as per usual). I can never have enough quotes.

In fact, if anyone here frequents the 360 or PS3 boards (or even the PC boards), please send me quotes from there. I'm sure they're funny guys, and I'd like to expand beyond the Wi, Off-topic, and SW forums.

And if you don't go on those boards, but maybe you know someone who does, send those guys on over. I like company. :)

Oh, but before we go, there's one more thing...


The Assignment

Last week, I wanted photoshops of the gymnast and the shaved cat.

I got some good ones, actually I got some great ones. One of them was so awesome that I had to censor part of it (you'll see later).

So here they are.

I'll start off with these 2 because, of course, you gotta have some C-Falc., baby!

By: Rev3nger


By: Master_Saibot


Now, I'll be honest. I don't know if this is some internet joke, or what's going on here. But nevertheless, this one is just filled with awesome.

By: Kenny789


This next one comes with a video for reference. Watch it for some context to get the full extent of rolfy-goodness.

By: Master Saibot


Kenny calls this, "The Violent Scream of Food Poisoning". I call it art.

By: Kenny789


Now, this final one is probably my favorite. It's the one I had to censor, but it'll still be sweet without that...particular word.

By: chickenscratch

Thanks to everyone who submitted. Great stuff.

Now, onto...


This Week's Assignment:

I like conspiracy theories. I like them so much, in fact, that I want you to come up with your best one. It can be about whatever you want, as long as it somehow relates to this man, right here:

That's right, Jackyboy! I want any conspiracy theories you have about Jack Thompson, the protector of children, the keeper of decency, and the saviour of the video game industry!

He sucks.

Anway, you can write anything you want, anything at all. Maybe something about why he does what he does? Maybe someone controls him, but who? Maybe you could write about his dirty secret. It's up to you, but the longer, the better. I don't want no half-assed, 2 sentence story. I want the goods! Can you provide? PM me with a funny story.


So make sure to write me some stories, and don't forget to send me in any quotes you find on the boards.

Until next week,

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