applesxc47 / Member

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applesxc47 Blog

I guess this is goodbye

Like any cliched break-up, this is going to be clumsy and awkward :P

I've had a pretty good almost 5 years on here, overall, I've sort of drifted off over the past few months or so but I guess with the Metal Union becoming less active it was bound to happen. Either way, I'm off.

Ta ta.

Well Hey There

Just dropping in again. Nothing much has changed with my life, I'm still hanging around here.

I just want to drop this. I like writing and I want to see if I'm any good, so feel free to make assessments, just be nice because I'm a little girl inside :P

Aside from that, not much has changed. My life is pretty stable right now and I love it.


That was close

My girlfriend and I nearly broke up a couple of nights ago, it's okay now, but the story also has me accidentally locking myself out of the house at around 11:30, so I'll fill you in.

We've been together for a bit longer than 7 months, and I said something very, very stupid when we were messaging through Facebook. I said that there were certain benefits to being single, it didn't go down well. She (understandably) freaked out and lost her shlt, she told me she felt like she wasted more than half a year and she felt used, and I was on the defensive in this conversation over Facebook for about an hour and a half, but it didn't seem like it was working.

At about 11, I could tell that things definitely weren't going my way, and that if I didn't do something drastic, that was it, so I rang her mobile from our house's portable phone, then I walked outside so I wouldn't wake up my family. I said everything that I felt all at once, I was desperate and I was scared. I've never said everything before. I said some stuff that I've said before, but never all at the same time. She was crying, and I was on the verge of tears, she kept trying to interrupt me but I didn't let her get a word in, because I knew that if I did that then she'd probably end it then and there. I told her about my hopes for the future, and how much I loved her and that we've come so far to end up where we are, and that she shouldn't discredit 7 months on the account of me saying something stupid. She asked if she could discredit the day, and I said sure, whatever you have to do. I could tell that it was getting better, she wasn't crying anymore, as far as I knew, so I made her laugh. I said 'Why do you think I sit on a train for 5 hours to be in Sale (her town)? I don't exactly go there for the great community and the thriving business district', I think that saved it more than anything, she laughed, and the hard part was over.

After about 10 minutes more of casual conversation and joking around, it all subsided, and I went to get back inside, but I realised I'd locked myself outside. I considered climbing in my bedroom window, but I realised I should just ring my brother and tell him to unlock the door from the inside, because I didn't wake up my mum and dad, who I wasn't aware were already awake.

After my brother opened the boor, my dad was standing in the hallway asking 'what the fvck is going on?', to which I replied 'I need to talk about some important shlt with [gf's name here], but it's okay now and I accidentally locked myself out. Then we all went to bed.

Sorry for the wall of text in the middle, but I just thought I should tell you guys, get it off my chest I guess. To be honest, I think this sets apart this relationship and my previous one, because 7 months into my relationship with my ex, I didn't care if we broke up or not, 7 months into this one, and the thought of breaking up had me at the most afraid I've been in my entire life.

Anyway, glad to talk again, gentlemen.

A Round of Applause

I turned 18 on the 18th of January (yay), and my parents were away the night after for a wedding that was a couple of hours away, so I decided to have 10 or so of my friends over for a get-together, because we hadn't had one during the school holidays. The original plan was to not tell my parents about it, but I decided to tell them after all, because it was better not to go behind their backs, plus, their was no alcohol and most people were leaving at 8 anyway, so it was really nothing spectacular.

Anyway, we pretty much did what we do whenever we hang out, we talked a lot about everything that's been going on, drank a lot of soft drink and ate a lot of chips. I managed to find a musician that a female friend (renowned for disliking anything I listen to) and I both like, Distance. Distance is a Dubstep musician, but it's the style of Dubstep that's more focused on atmosphere than anything else, I'd compare it to Burial, if that's not blasphemy among electro-heads.

The people who were planned to stay for the night were my best mate, his girlfriend and my second best mate. My girlfriend was due to be picked up at 10:30 by her grandmother, so we got to spend some more time together. After everyone else left at 8, our night winded down a lot, and everyone aside from my girlfriend and I decided to watch Machete, which is goddamn awesome by the way. I originally thought it was going to seem a bit forward to ask my girlfriend to go to bed for the first time in about 4 months, until I realised that she was already in bed by the time I got to my room :P

Anyway, after we finished, we came out and entered the room where everyone was watching Machete, and we were met with a hearty applause and hugs from my mates, my brother and my mate's girlfriend, hence the name of this entry.

When we finished Machete, we all watched The Cabin in the Woods (which is great, in case you were wondering). After that finished, my mate and his girlfriend kind of took over that room for the night, so my other mate and my brother refused to set foot in there, and because we were running on nothing but caffeine, we weren't the slightest bit tired, so we went for a walk.

We wandered around outside until about 4 in the morning, and when we got inside we finally slept. I couldn't be bothered closing my curtains of course, so I woke up to the sun glaring into my face at 7 in the morning, which left me with a lovely 3 hours of sleep for the night :P

From what I hear, everyone had a great time, which is good. That's all I got now.

Holy shltballs, Batman!

I just realised I've been on this website for more than 4 years. That's a scary thought.

That's really all I have to say. Have a good day, everybody.


My girlfriend came to town for the school holidays, and she was able to stay over for 3 nights at my place, which was great.

I was nervous as hell at first, because I didn't think I'd be any good at all, I was very wrong, apparently. It does feel kind of strange relieving about 18 months of sexual tension.


Black was getting old...

It's time for a shirt blog!

I used to wear no other colour shirt but black, but now I've got my hands on 2 blue band shirts, one band shirt that is mostly pink, one green shirt and one fluorescent blue shirt, and it feels pretty damn good to start branching out a bit. I'll still wear the black ones a fair bit, but I'm just enjoying not being that guy that always wears black.

Slightly homosexual blog post, but I haven't put one up for a while anyways.


Been A While

It's been a long time since I did once of these, pretty much just couldn't be bothered updating and such. There have been many interesting new developments over the past however long, I'll get you up to date.

Where the hell do I start? We'll go to about September last year shall we?

One friday, at school, I was told that a girl (the one who previously rejected me, while she had a shaved head, mind you) had feelings for me, and she was intending to ask me out. So, over the weekend, I asked all of my friends whose opinions mattered to me about the situation, and they pretty much all said it was my call.

I decided to say yes, because I have rejected someone before, and I regretted it for a long time, and I didn't want to make that mistake again.

That relationship lasted about 8 and a half months, and ended about a month and a half ago. It was a sexual relationship, but I won't give you the details.

Anyway, about a month into the relationship, I had a pretty huge drama with a good friend. Do you guys remember the first girlfriend? The one that had to move away? We had an argument that escalated and eventually made us hate each other, and we didn't talk again until recently, but more on that later.

I'm at a new school for year 11, and it's going pretty well. I've got at least one A in all of my subjects, which is great, it'll keep my mum off my back for awhile :P

I'm doing Biology, Health and Human Development, Literature, Maths Methods (hard shlt), Gen B Maths (more hard shlt) and Year 12 Psychology, and I'm happy in all of them. The only class where I didn't have a friend was Literature, but I was sitting with someone who I thought was pretty cool. In February, we bumped into each other at a La Dispute concert in Melbourne, and we've been close ever since.

No real huge dramas until about June, which is between me and my ex girlfriend. I don't play football any more by the way, I quit because I'm not really interested in it, and I don't like the people I'd be playing with, they're all pricks :P

I'll just be blunt here, she was clingy as all hell. I didn't mind it at first, because at least I felt loved, but it just grew and got on my nerves until I realized that I was enjoying myself more when she wasn't around tan when she was, which is rarely a good sign hahaha

Anyway, I broke up with her, which was fvcking brutal, I just don't like making people cry I suppose.

After that happened, I talked to my best mate about it, to which he said "You know the group is gonna love you now right?" I knew she wasn't that liked within our friendship group, but I wasn't really bothered by it. We didn't talk, just because it was awkward, but I now realise that she is a passive-aggressive bltch.

Okay now, big shlt to discuss here. The girl (don't pretend you didn't see this coming :P ) sent me a letter about 4 weeks ago. I was pretty amazed at the time, because we hadn't talked since September, and hadn't seen each other since the formal for my school, where we apparently looked "like we were ready to kill each other".

The short version is that she wanted to apologize for how we fell out, and she was hoping that we might be able to be friends again, which got me thinking a lot. I begun to think that I might have been pissed off for so long out of principle, because talking to her might be seen as backing down or something. I know I was pissed a lot initially, but I doubted it a lot that I could actually hate someone for so long.

Anyway, she sent me her phone number, so I texted her, basically telling her what I just told you, and saying that I was willing to be friends again. Take note: that was on a Thursday.

Anyway, we were back to our old ways quickly, staying up til 2 in the morning on Facebook just talking about everything. She's had a couple of relationships at her new town, and a casual sex kind of thing that didn't work out, and I will relate to that a bit later on, by the way. She's medicated for a variety of mental issues, ranging from Bipolar to clinical Depression, which doesn't really surprise me.

On the next Tuesday, 5 days after we started talking again, she just blurted out with "My feelings for you have come back recently", and I was stunned, because I felt the same way, which was kind of scary for me. I told her that too, and I asked her what we should do about it all, to which she replied "I want you back, I don't care about the distance".

I was ecstatic for awhile, we talked on the phone for about 20 minutes at 11 PM, pretty much saying nothing but "Holy fvck, we're stupid, people are gonna fvcking kill us".

I arrived at work the next morning at 6, with about 4 hours of sleep, and I blitzed it. I felt like I'd had a massive dose of Cocaine or something :P When I got to school, I was called an idiot by more or less everyone in my group, but I'm okay with it, they all think we're a much better couple than me and the other girlfriend. I've been threatened not to 'hurt her' by 4 of her friends over Facebook, because everyone in the kitchen sink knows how things erupted last time we fought, but that doesn't bother me, they trust her judgement.

I told my ex that we're back together, to which she started turning into a passive-aggressive bltch, but I couldn't give a shlt about that now :D

Anyway, it's been nearly 3 weeks since then, and I'm still happy, I have my worries and a few anxieties about sexual stuff, but that's what being a teenager is all about :P

I've got a plan to take a train trip to her town (5 hours away) at least once a term, on a friday after school, then take another one back on the sunday, which gives us a fair amount of time together, which I'm happy with.

My school holidays have been great, and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone at school tomorrow, the work doesn't bother me at all.

Sorry again for not blogging in so long, I guess when you're happy you don't really feel like venting as often I suppose.

Bye until next time, hope it wasn't too bad of a read for you all.

Amatuer poetry...because I haven't had much to do recently

I'd like some opinions on these, they're nothing special...

"I gaze deep into your eyes
The gateway to the soul
Heart pounding like a drum
My mind a maze of thoughts, of questions
Too late, the moment has passed
You're gone in days
Without a trace
Many days have dawned since then
The lust has fled
The sin remains..."

"My last request I put to you
One last thing I'll have you do
When my skin becomes cold,
Mouth becomes dry
Spread my dust across the sky
Plague the stars with my essense
Lace the earth with my last presence"

"Days of beauty,
Nights, funereal
Unrelenting, this pain of which I feel
Joy departs as night arrives...
I shall tell not a soul
Everyone has their cross to bear
This is my weight,
This is my burden,
This is my love"

So? I like the last one the best

I need to tell a neutral party...

I think my actions may have disappointed my best friend, and I can't get that thought out of my mind.

He's the only person who I've told this to, but I just really need to tell someone...anyone really.

My ex came back down last week, for the full week. I still have feelings for her, she tells me that even though she's with someone, she's still got some feelings for me.

Well, in one particular moment, we were both under a blanket, hugging and holding hands, and our faces were about 5 centimetres apart. She was already aware of what I was thinking, but she didn't say anything. I leaned forward to kiss her, then she pulled away and said it would make things awkward for the full day that we were hanging out, which made a lot of sense then.

When I was walking her back to her friend's place, and she just stopped me halfway through. I got that bloody expectant look again, so we made out a little on the way back. 3 times...all briefly though, not like a full make out session:P

Anyway, we made out a fair bit over the next few days when I saw here alone. Since she has a boyfriend doing it in front of people would be a huge mistake.

When I saw my mate in person I asked him if he thought I was a bad guy, all he said was 'Doesn't matter as long as you can live with yourself'

I have no idea what to think. I can't talk to any of my other friends because one of my ex's 'friends' down here has been talking shlt about her for about a month, and the less people know the better in this case.

So yeah, I'm definitely gonna try to explain myself the best I can, just tell him that even though it made me feel nice at the time, I've now realised that I'm the bad guy of this little tale:?

I don't think there's much else I can do, I've had to lie to some of my best friends, which isn't particularly good, but I can't do anything about it.

Sorry for turning you guys into my personal psychiatrists, but it's nice to talk to a neutral party. Bye