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Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

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"Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

* "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

* "So -- what are you wearing?"

* "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

* "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Capt'n."

* "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

* "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

* "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

* "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

* "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

* "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

alpha_company :D

Is Windows a Virus?

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Is Windows a Virus?

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

alpha_company:lol::P

Nice Rug!

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A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs. 
 
Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it. 
 
As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. 
 
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. 
 
As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?" 
 
Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?" 
 
He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."

alpha_company :D:lol:

No Toilet Paper !

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There is a man that just got done eating dinner and he was on his way to a party. 
 
Half way there he said, "man i really gotta take a dump." he got off the freeway, found an abandoned gas station went in there and took a dump. 
 
While he was taking this dump he read a sign that said "There is no tolet paper... You have wipe your ass with your first two fingers, then stick them out the hole and they will be licked clean for you." 
 
Well, he had no choice so he wiped his ass with his fingers and stuck them out the hole. 
 
All of a sudden a guy with two bricks smacked his fingers. 
 
The man screamed with pain and licked his own fingers...:lol:

alpha_company :lol:

Win Live Messenger or Yahoo Messenger?

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I just finished reformating my PC for the first time since I bought it two years ago.

Well, now since both Live Messenger and Yahoo Messenger supports each other's messaging service, I only need one messaging software. The problem is that I don't know which one is better. I have accounts for both Msn and Yahoo but which one should I download and use?

Is Live better or is Yahoo better?

alpha_company :D

A compliment....

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Bob was sitting at the table one morning, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player known for his lack of IQ. 
 
He turned to his wife and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." 
 
She replied, "Why, thank you, Dear!"

alpha_company :lol:

Strangers on a train!

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A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. 
 
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." 
 
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea....let's pretend we're married." 
 
"Why not," giggles the woman. 
 
"Good", he replies. "Get your own damn blanket."

alpha_company :D

The Scotsman

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A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. 
 
 
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves. 
  
 
A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. 
 
 
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves. 
  
 
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. 
 
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?" 
 
The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service!"

just a joke :D

alpha_company :D

I'm looking for the seal

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A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens." 'How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked." The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken" the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

just a joke:D

alpha_company:lol:

Women talk more!

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A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this, then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. 
 
Looking stunned, he said, "What?"

Just a joke ladies and gentlement...

alpha_company:D