So I found a special "parent and kid" ticket offer to see Toy Story 3 during half term, and I have always loved these movies so it was an absolute no-brainer for me. First trip to the cinema for my daughter, great film for me? Win-win.
So after whipping up a frenzy of anticipation, playing with every Woody and Buzz figure she could find and re-watching Toy Story 2 in preparation, we set off.
Now the movie started at 11am, and we live 20 minutes away by car. Easy right? Leave a bit of breathing space, allow for the inevitable bathroom break before it starts, set off 45 minutes before the start - that's plenty of time, surely?
Those of you that enjoyed the film "Falling Down" probably know what's coming next...
10:30am. We are 15 minutes into a 20 minute drive. The cars ahead start to brake. Oh crud. About 50 yards in front of me, some joker has run his car up the central reservation and rolled it onto it's roof, carefully ending up across the two nearside lanes. A lorry has jackknifed across the offside. Car parts everywhere. :(
10:45am. A pair of police motorcycles, 2 ambulances, a fire engine, and an air ambulance. This does not look good.
11:00am. Air ambulance has departed without landing, so no serious injuries. Ambulance has gone as well. Fire-engine looks like it's on it's way. My daughter is now bored with my monologue describing all the reasons that the roads should be reserved for perfect drivers like me, and has started asking awkward questions about whether we are going to miss the film. Blood pressure rising...
11:10am. Police finally remove the lorry and we start to trickle past. If I could drive THROUGH the vehicle in front, I would. As it is, the 1-inch gap I am leaving seems strangely insufficient. My attempts to part the queue of cars like the Red Sea, a la Bruce Almighty, seem to be failing.
11:15am. My exit. Finally. Which way now? Which way? There's a sign for city centre... veer left, tyres screaming... Laugh maniacally at the FOOLS I have cut up, then feel the guffaws choke in my throat as I realise I have taken the wrong turn and am now heading out of town again. Oh **** :cry:
11:20am. Got to the fecking cinema. Finally! 1235 car-parking spaces, apparently. Excellent. Except for the fact that it's a complete bloody lie. Drive around and around with my little girl shouting "just park in a disabled bay, Dad!".
11:25am. Find a space, about a mile from the cinema. Start running.
11:27am. Still running, a little slower now. Puffing like a 40-a-day Malboro man.
11:30am. Stagger into the cinema. Automated vending doohickey. WHICH FRAKKING CARD DID I BUY THEM WITH!?!? Of course, it's the last one out of the 4 I try...
11:33am. Reach the auditorium, but small child now need to pee. Of course...
11:37am. Finally reach seats. SOME BLOODY CHAVS ARE SITTING IN OUR CHAIRS. :evil:
Must... contain... fist... of... death...
Not my best morning :)
* Good film, in case you were wondering. And my daughter thought it was the best day out ever, mostly BECAUSE of the stupid incidents en route :lol: