I worked my day down the stairs, rushing out the door with my jacket in hand(which according to my year old account comment, smells like angel piss).
I went with a purpose on this day, cause I had awaited this day for quite some time.
sliding my feet swiftly across the pavement, so swiftly even Legolas would have his jaw drop.
I arrived just in time, there were no queue nor any people other than the staff.
As I gently grabbed my backpocket, reaching for my purse, I felt a sense of excitement like a little kid during christmas(jacked up on sugar till kingdom freakin' come). Here was the receipt. The receipt for my very own copy of -
The Last of Us.
A story such as this, I was told, had not been experienced for ages, 10/10's were everywhere, floating about like flies over "The Kingdom of Turds"(Just go with the flow okay?) and I was trying not to be swept away with the hype although I had been looking forward to this game ever since I first heard of it.
But I digress, let's skip to the best part shall we?
I forced myself to work through the game in three days, as I have tried so many times before to complete a game in a day and almost felt I became choked on all the content of the story. By completing it in several days I could reflect on the story as I went along. As I went, I didn't know if I was actually inhuman, sociopathic or just numbed up on whatever mushrooms I must have digested day in and day out. The thing was:
I rarely ever felt compassionate towards the story, let alone the characters.
Of course I wanted to know what happened, the story was somewhat engaging, the characters felt real in both animations and their voice acting. But something kept me way from feeling truly worried about them. But what could it be? Was it me or was it the story, the game itself entirely? what?
As Joel and Ellie fights to survive their way through troubled streets and dangerous areas, I simply sat like a puppet most of the time, not even being afraid of whatever was in the darkness - trust me, I am not a Mister Coolpants, Dead Space and Amnesia have made me quit playing more than I can count with my fingers and toes, so this was new to me, that I was a stonecold bonafied badass.
Joel would probably shake his head and not give a shit,
He's been through more pain than Dante Alighieri and Naked Snake alltogether, he goes to Hell for a little R&R.
But Ellie surely would look at me with her puppy eyes and show me just how disappointed she'd be if she knew just how cold I was about this whole affair.
The second day came, I booted up my game and progressed through the story, being thrown deeper and deeper into the emotions and struggles of humanity, its strengths and flaws.
and yet I still didn't feel sold on the chaos of the world, of the sorrow and hardships they were pushing themselves through, pushing their boundaries to the limit of their ability.
Was I literally just being blind or heartless?.
Day three came and Joel and Ellie had taken some hold of me, but I felt restrained, I felt a veil of sorts keeping me from truly immersing myself into the story and I wasn't sure if it was me or the story's fault.
But something changed.
In those last moments, in those last minutes of forcing myself to the end, I suddenly felt a tingling, I felt a feeling.
I didn't want this to end. I wanted to turn my console off and leave it at that, I didn't want to know how all this would end because.. How could this end happily? Sure I didn't feel nothing for Joel and Ellie before.. "But.. they were humans" I almost said out loud. I quickly after facepalmed myself, sipping my Pinot Noir and tried not to be such a sissy.
When the end finally came, I understood all too well what had happened, I finally found the reason why I had been so laid back, so careless about this whole affair and even as I write this now, I am still getting to understand all of this.
If you heard of a story, one that in a completely unique way, described mankind in a nutshell, a story that would force every flaw of humanity upon you, wouldn't you want to your block your feelings just as I?
I knew just then, that this story was about me, just as every other human, it's about making choices, tough ones that sometimes just doesn't make sense or have any sense of logic.(yes Spock, Live long and prosper, now beam the hell up would you?)
And because this game was about humanity, the very core of humanity, I didn't want to hear what they had to say.
Does anyone really want to hear the truth when it's a painful one? No, you mainly just put it aside, you ignore it and just let it slip.
From the beginning I just ignored it, I didn't listen, I covered my ears and closed my eyes.
But the inevitable happened, I faced the truth, that we humans are selfish, maybe not because we choose to be, but because we only ever have true insight into our own lives, into our own self, into what you, and only you feel and think, not everyone else. The world revolves around you and you alone because you are the centerpiece of your own life, whether you want it or not.
I am sorry Joel and I'm sorry Ellie.I am sorry for not being there for you when I had to, I'm sorry I didn't give into what you were trying to tell me. I am sorry.
Please forgive me for not caring when I should have, forgive me for not pushing my boundaries as you did when you had to. Please do forgive me for being an ignorant fool.
Thank you Naughty Dog, for creating a game that in the end forces itself under your skin, thank you for making a game that shows the dark grim truth of the very core of humanity. Compassion is a choice, but selfishness is often the only thing we go with on the spot, cause it's the closest thing to heart, the closest thing to mind, it's the easy choice out of most situations. To put it bluntly, it's a human act.