The_Ish / Member

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The_Ish Blog

I need a new clan.

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I do, I left 82ndID with my buddies. I feel kind of sad, I liked that clan, but oh well. Also, I got a new cousin. I am not sure of it's gender or name, I just know it exists, and I will probably meet it soon.

Haven't.

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I have today just realized I have been spelling the word "haven't" wrong on OT all this time, and that when the spell-check was underlining it, it wasn't glitching like it usually does by trying to correct something that has no mistake.

God damn I hate myself.

Long time no blog?

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So...yeah. This is my first blog post in months. Don't expect much.

I finally got MGS4. I am loving it - it is the greatest. I got up to the part where you fight the Frogs today. I might play more later, depending on how much I can improve my sniping on COD4.

I've also recently finished watching Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, the most epic god damned anime I have ever watched. It's about sunglasses, drills, and mecha. :D

I've also found that I visit the anonymous boards more often now, solely for their anime/manga channel.I don't know what kind of effects it will have on my long term health.

Holidays.

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On the upside, I get days off and finals are over. On the downside I have to stay home and I have to deal with finals first.

Thankfully, finals are over and I have a few games to keep me busy.

So Happy Holidays, mates. I say that instead of Christmas because I don't want to leave anyone out. :)

Oh, and have a Happy New Year. :)

Tu Madre!

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WARNING! MAJOR USELESS RANT AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN CAUTION!

How are mothers supposed to be? Whenever I go to a friends house I usually witness how other mother-son relationships work...and I become envious...or I try to ignore it. Before I had good friends, I thought that what I had was usual. A mother that expects everything out of her child. At least, thats what I always though. But I definately ain't perfect. I'm far from it, mates. In fact, I am a severely flawed human being. Not just by human nature...I believe myself to be inferior to most people. Perhaps thats why I am usually so anti-social. I hate it when people try to act comfortably with me...especially when it's supposed to be teasing. I've always been told those people really mean it and I should try to be stuck up and dismiss them. Naturally, a lot of people one meets in their schooling years are like that...they either tease you with freindliness, or are complete ****ing jerks.

*ahem*

So...I wonder why I am so anti-social...why I hate socializing...but I despise being alone. I came to realize (a few years ago), that it's probably because of my mother. She always told me not to be anybody's fool because everybody was out to make you their fool except for my own family. True, I was bullied alot when I was younger...but I forgive those kids because they were kids. But I can't neglect how it made me feel around people. I was always alone. Who'd want to be friends with some short, unathletic, stupid and **** looking Bengali kid who dresses weird and is a bit too pious? I wasn't Americanized...so I was a loser in the eyes of non-Bengalis... I wasn't afraid of loving another nation besides the one of my parents, and I wasn't an immigrant...so I was considered wierd and different by other Bengalis...and I was never top at anything so I was always a failure in they eyes of my mother, who often critisized my shortcomings.

Ah yes...my mother. What kind of **** mother critisizes their own child's shortcomings? I don't know. Maybe a bad one. Maybe a desperate one. Maybe a deluded one. I can't imagine a good mother would do that; though a loving mother might.

"You're too short!"; I'm taller than you...

"You're too fat!"; Perhaps I am.

"No one would love you!"; Great to know.

"Why can't you ever do something exceptional or get perfect grades?"; Maybe because...I am ordinary?

"Hahaha! Look at you! You can never do anything right!"; I guess I can't. (Yes...she laughs)

"You son of a **** Stop trying to ignore me. Don't talk back to me, you worthless pile of **** Can't ignore you...you are in the room screaming at me...

"You're a terrible child. I had to lock you in the closet sometimes when guests come over. Your too old for that now, I wish you wern't such an embarassment"; I love you too. I think.

Those are just a few things off the top of my head. Of course, they were all in Bengali. Whenever I spoke in English to her she would yell at me to speak in Bengali because she couldn't understand. I always found that amazing...19 years in this country and her English was still piss poor. Figures...she never finished High School because of my pedophile of a biological father, so she is largely uneducated about many things. She made up for it by being manipulative with the other families in the Bengali community...status seemed to be everything for her. She often lied about my achievements...probably one of the reasons she pushes me so hard. Always comparing me to other kids...like the things I did or the way I acted or who I was were not good enough for her. I hated her for that. I hate her completely, I think. I hate her I hate her I hate here I hate her, dear god, I hate her.

I think...I don't think I really ever want to be with her once I leave this house. I want to stay as far away from her as possible. She makes me feel...useless and worthless...and I probably am, I don't know, I am not entirely sure what normal people are supposed to be like, but I sure as hell don't want to feel that way.

/rant

PS: On a lighter note...I got COD4.

To answer the call of duty I had to teach some people to stab during a crysis

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Well, technically, all that means is I am thinking about getting Crysis. I recently pre-ordered Call of Duty 4 because the demo amazed me, and the multiplayer seems very promising from what I played in the beta. I've also recently taken up on helping my old high school fencing team to fence. The team looks very promising, with experienced A fencers and a solid B and C line-up. I look forward to working with them and seeing how far they can go in their first year.

Also, I beat Halo 3, and man.

Man.

Awesome.

Can't wait to beat it with four people on Legendary mode.

I also joined a clan recently. My first clan ever, I'm actually quite proud of myself. It's a BF2142 clan and they are 5th in the world. So being recruited into this clan means I must have had some kind of skill they recognized. And the clanhood is just awesome, I love talking to these guys and fragging with them on vent and in scrimmage matches. It's a totally great experience, being in a clan, and I recommend it to anyone to join one. (BTW the title of my clan is "The 82nd")

My college classes are going well for the most part, except for my Descrete Structures class, I got a C+ on the latest test, so I have to definately step up my studying a bit more. :(

Thats all for today, I think. :)

Lets finish the god damn Fight already!

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Seriously, I have waited 3 god damn years for this. Neither rain, hell, or God will stop me from going out today and finally getting that game and ripping the god damn Covenant apart.

You must live with mole men if you don't know what game I am talking about. :P

I have a single class today, but a quiz tomorrow. I know I should at least find out what might be on the quiz, but honestly? I am not too worried. No subject is too difficult for me and I know the material, fortunately. :D

Also you might have noticed a lack of the Bioshock review. I admit it, I am lazy! :( I can't find the strength to review anything when I have lots of.. stuff to do. :P

Radaman..I mean Ramadan...I mean Rada..Rama...Rada...crap...

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Well, Ramadan started, and since I still live in my parents house I still have to fast, which sucks. :(

Also, I got Odin Sphere to work, which is great, because the game is totally awesome. And Ninja Gaiden does not fail to keep me entertained either.

I have off until Monday, mostly due to weekends and Jews. Yes, Jews. I would hug one if I can identify them.

In one of my earlier posts, I promised a Bioshock review...I forgot all about it over the craze in getting ready for college again, sorry about that folks. I might be able to make one during this weekend though, so look forward to it so you guys can bash my writing skills. :P

Back home.

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I am finally back home. I started up NGS, and that was totally awesome. But the internal memory card doesn't work for Odin's Sphere! :cry:

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