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Taasi23 Blog

I have a gigantic headache.

That's a headache which is gigantic, not a gigantic head which is aching. Well, I do happen to have a gigantic head...

...and it is aching...

:?

I have a gigantic, gigantic head ache.

...

No, I don't know why this is a blog post either.

Requiem for a Plat...

I have a minor beef with my new-found love: Street Fighter X Tekken. One of the trophies, a bronze one no less, requires the player to activate their "Assist Gems" x number of times. For those of you not obsessed with Capcom-published 2D fighters, the game has two types of customisable gems. "Boost Gems" which buff your damage or meter-building or whatever, and "Assist Gems" which do things like automatically block for you at the cost of meter or make your inputs easier at the expense of damage. There's only one problem with this...

I DO NOT WANT OR NEED ASSIST GEMS!!!

It's the equivalent of having to play 100 UMVC3 matches on simple mode. WHY THE #@$% WOULD I DO THAT!?! I KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE #@$%ING GAME!!! I understand the recent attempts that have been made to make fighting games more accessible to a wider market, and I appreciate "Assist Gems", because I think they're the most natural way to allow new or unskilled players to experience the game at it's fullest. But to MAKE ME do it? For a BRONZE TROPHY!?!

Bull$#@%.

After only a few day of playing SFXT, my trophy list was starting to fill out. With several trophies that are entirely authentic to the way in which the game is meant to be played, I dared to think that this game may yet hold the key to my first Platinum. Alas, I simply REFUSE to use assist gems. I'm glad they exist, and if they help ever one small child find the love of the genre that has burned within my heart now for over a decade, fighting games will be better for their existence. But trophies are designed for those who want to go the extra mile, above and beyond the standard gaming experience; with the Plat being the ultimate award for excellence.

Making experienced fighting game players use a feature designed exclusively to help newcomers in order to WIN such an award is like telling Lance Armstrong that he can only win the Tour De France if he rides a bike with training wheels.

Important Life Lessons in Poltergeist

Poltergeist.

I just finished watching Poltergeist for the first time in years and for the first time in widescreen while wearing a pair of 7.1 surround sound headphones. In addition to being absolutely terrifying, I also found the film to be quite (possibly unintentionally) insightful. So I got the bug (or "maggot", as the case may be) to dust off the old keyboard and write a short list of important life lessons one can gleam from a viewing of Speilberg's 1982 Horror (lassic.

This list contains spoilers (kinda), but if you haven't seen Poltergeist by now, you deserve what you get. Go watch it right now, then come back and read this, and then I'll begin to think about forgiving you.

  • If the Star Spangled Banner is playing during the credit sequence, the movie will either be very good or very bad.

  • Product integration doesn't always ruin films.

  • If you smoke pot, ghosts will come to steal your children.

  • If a bird dies in the first five minutes, it is always EPIC FORESHADOWING!!!
  • Chewbacca's face protects small children from killer clowns.

  • Don't use your daughter as a curling rock.

  • Parapsychologists are useless.

  • If you cut yourself shaving, don't pick at it.

  • The black guy isn't always the first one to die.

  • Tennis balls and rope > The undead.

  • When being sucked into a portal to the next plane of existence, pants are optional.

  • Always move the bodies!
  • Ghosts are d*cks.

  • Neighbours are d*cks.

  • Property developers are d*cks.

  • Midgets: Awesome psychics, awful cleaners.

  • Unless your name is Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis or Rick Moranis, PINK GOO WILL F@#% YOU UP!
  • If you plan on starring in the remake, get a life insurance policy yesterday.

  • It is possible to make a movie scary without dismembering every character in sight or using a needle and thread on someone's anus.

  • Paranormal Activity sucks.

The New On Notice/Dead To Me Blog. *Updated* **Again!** ***AGAIN!!!***

...he's not funny...Bioshockraptor

All your dead are belong to me!

Who's next?

EDIT:

Yo Taasi. KOFXIII > MVC3. :3.illmatic87

Apparently, it's illmatic87. That was quick Thank God I preemptively dug that mass metaphorical grave. :twisted:

EDIT 2: Looks like I'll be having my Chickan extra crispy...

UC3 > MVC3

:D I really just wanna see my name on Taasi's board. Chickan_117

That metaphorical grave is starting to get a little "cosy". :twisted:

EDITS 3 & 4:

[QUOTE="smooth40"]

Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 > MvC3

Wants to be on this list, as I know nothing happens :o

shani_boy101

Damn. That's a tough one to beat, let's see.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D > Hannah Montana: The Game > MVC3

It appears the grave is full. And now that it contains smooth, the funeral will have to be public. Elton John isalready adapting the lyrics of Crocodile Rock for the memorial service.

Save Community

I'm saying this now, with absolute sincerity. No exclamation marks. No caps lock. No never-ending strings of vowels. No spoiler tags. This proclamation is not one made in anger, but one so concrete in reason that if removed from my heartfelt emotion, it would stand alone as a statement of fact.

If NBC doesn't put Community back on the air and renew it for a fourth season, I will boycott the network. I know it will hurt me much more than it will hurt them, but some things are just too important to let fade quietly into the night.

The line shall be drawn here: this far, and no further.

If you care, please, help save Community.

Dr. Saints-love or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Be DA BOMB!!!

Yeah. That title just happened. Breathe it in.

If I could describe the Sydney Saint's Row The Third Launch Party in one word, then I wouldn't be much of a blogger. For no single word, nor sentence, nor paragraph, nor blog post in it's entirety could come close to describing the experience that was this launch party. You just had to be there.

And for that I apologise.

But, as always, this humble wordsmith shall endeavor to prove that the swift and subtle gestures of my pen are mightier than the metaphorical sword plunged into the heart of those whose poor chance, proximity or prior commitments precluded them from participation...

An analogy that loses all meaning when written using a keyboard... #%&!. Maybe I can distract them from my faux pas with a picture of me in a hat holding some guns.

Hat 'n' Guns

Our story begins with a 15 minute drive to the heart of King's Cross, followed by a 40 minute drive around the heart of King's Cross in search of a parking spot. This prolonged search for vehicular accommodation afforded me considerable time to... err, consider (DAMMIT!)... just what the event had in store. I knew that, being a party for Saints Row The Third, it would be absolutely over the top. I also knew that, being held at the prestigious Piano Room, it would be a lavish event featuring all the finer things in life. I was expecting a great many things when I walked through that door.

I wasn't expecting this:
Horseplay

All horseplay aside (Damn, I'm funny! :D), this party was off the wall. Literally! It was so far off the wall, there were people on the ceiling:
See? Literally off the wall!

So violent was the energy being propelled by the wall that this party was off, that when some unfortunate soul came in contact with it, his right forearm fell victim to spontaneous combustion (and if that passes for a coherent sentence, I'm a monkey's uncle):
Firearm

Now THAT'S what I call a firearm!

...

*Absolute silence, followed by a comedic smash cut to a pair of crickets in the audience refusing to chirp; lest one of the oldest comedic traditions of the stage and screen be tarnished by a pun so cheap it makes Tila Tequila look like the Duchess of York*

The evening went on in the way that evenings all evenings tend to. I ran into Randy, Koz and Mystic_Knight. I met Hex from Good Game. I strutted my stuff on the streets of Steelport and molested some pedestrians. When I put down the controller Professor Genki was in the house, accompanied by Penthouse Playmate Ashlee Adams. Y'know, the usual.

ETHICAL!

Following the above Super Ethical Reality Climax, the night just kept getting better. The food was amazing. Like really, really good. I finally found an alcoholic beverage I genuinely enjoy, and proceeded to drink 9 of them. I wonder how many bars out there serve a "Third Street Saints"...

Just when I thought things couldn't get any better Ashlee stepped up to the mic to announce the winners of the evening's competition, each of whom would be receiving a copy of the game upon release. So imagine my surprise when the second name on the list was none other than...
TARA ENGEL!!!

TARA ENGEL!!!

Oh, did I forget to mention that I underwent some major cosmetic surgery earlier that day? It's kind of a major plot point. My bad... :D

So that's the event in a nutshell. A long, overly verbose, needlessly hyperbolic nutshell. And while the shell may wear away with time, this nut will never forget the night he spent with The Saints. I still feel that my words failed you, dearest reader, in conveying just how awesome the evening was. Perhaps the only way to truly experience such epicness will be to pick up a copy of Saints Row The Third (available November 15th, which is only about 20 minutes away) and meet The Saints for yourself. So rather than waste your time with yet another pointless word, I shall leave you with my sincerest thanks for enduring this blog post and a picture which is easily worth a thousand of them. I call it "Steelport Gothic".
Steelport Gothic

Regards,
Tara Engel.

Can't win without Wesker...

Earlier today, during my usual daily Mahvel pwnage, one of my formidable opponents/helpless victims asserted that "You couldn't beat me if you didn't use Wesker!". I gave it a little thought, tried a few other teams, and realised he was right.

I, Taasi23, cannot win a game of Marvel Vs Capcom 3 without using Wesker.

I mean, I can pwn a noob with Sentinel alone. But against somebody who actually knows what they're doing, I'm completely uselessunless I'm running point withmy fair Albert. I'm a one trick pony (although it's a pretty damn good trick).

So what now? Do you think I should accept the fact that I'll be tied to one character for the next 10 years of Mahvel (Baybee!), or should I try to diversify my skillset? Also, could any of you care less about my stupid MVC3 obsession?

A Reading from Taasi's Letters to the DeltaPhoenixians 18:2.

The following correspondence took place over the Playstation Network.

From: DeltaPhoenix08
Subject: MARVEL VS. CAPCOM 3

Would you like to play?

*2 MINUTES LATER*

To: DeltaPhoenix08
Subject: Re:MARVEL VS. CAPC

Yes. Yes, I would like to play. In fact, I would LOVE to play. I am DYING TO PLAY!

Unfortunately, my copy is still in the mail. Which naturally means I HATE YOU. And by "YOU", I mean EVERYBODY WHO WILL BE PLAYING THE GAME THIS WEEKEND WHILE I DISTRACT MYSELF WITH SSFIV, especially the OBNOXIOUS ****S WHO ADD INSULT TO INJURY BY SENDING ME GAME INVITES. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHH!!!!!

P.S. Happy Birthday.

The Gospel according to Taasi.

"I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me...

But if you don't stop screwing around with the temperature, I WILL send a lightning bolt up your @$$!"

-God on Global Warming, as exhibited at present.

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