Oh boy oh boy, what's all this talk about that big black rectangle with a separate rectangle doing more things now? If you haven't guessed by now, the new Xbox has been completely re-done because everyone wasn't satisfied with cute mocap doggies they could pet in the middle of a grenade barrage with motion sensing technology. To be completely honest, Xdog didn't have much going for it besides an adorable doggie dressed up like a four-legged flanker because everything else its kennel did was intrusive, cruel, or just felt like a pain in the tuckus.
Don't get me wrong, I like dogs. C'mon, I do cue the dog video:
But, however much I like doggies, being able to only share your game with, erm, I'm not actually clear on how any of that worked...maybe you were supposed to take a digital copy and send it over Nintendo Live so Shigeru Miyamoto would look at it and laugh because you didn't buy the superior Virtual Boy? Yeah, that's how it works. ANYWAY, there were even more issues with Microslap's new system that caused everyone to foam at the mouth like Old Yeller (R.I.P.), particularly the need to carry it downstairs to hook it up to your modem every day.
While I do support efforts to get people to exercise with something gaming-related outside of Kinect, not everyone was willing to fiddle with wires all day to only have their copy of Call of Snoopy get tapeworms. Further penalizing gamers, the police would come over to have you arrested for neglect, but then would laugh at you (while working you over with Wiimotes) before forcing you to play the newest Kinect-only Steel Battalion game. Everything (and I do mean everything) was looking bad for Microsoft fans and/or casual acquaintances.
That is, until I realized something.
The recent news of removing some of the console's S&M gear gave me the distinct impression that everyone at Microsoft just really wanted to show how cute dogs are. Think about it, did you stare slack-jawed at the screen when the sub-par TVriffic reveal unfolded, somehow unable to click away? You watched the whole thing, right?
Don't say no, I will end you.
Indeed, it was a cunning plan to get us all to notice the Dog of Doodie Dog so that dog lovers would help boost the console's sales to sky-high proportions; all due to the simple fact that everyone loves dogs. A cunning strategy that only few seem to realize, this new form of viral marketing is taking the pet world by negligible amounts of excitement, raising awareness of such smash-hit games like Tokyo Jungle and Dog's Life.
a.k.a. "Air Bud: The Game"
Gaming will never be the same after the adoption of Barky Killer 7 Duty to your home dog biscuits and, with all hope, we will see next-gen dogaming take the world by adorable.
Yeah, this is the end of the entry. Oh poop, I forgot I don't have an outro statement.