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Hey everyone, check out what I have to say about sexism!

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Boy oh boy, it's been a long time hasn't it? I can't really remember the last time I fired up my writingtyping fingers but I'm glad I did, for I will educate the Gamespot masses about how to properly think about sexism in video game play thingys. However, before anything else, I would like to address that this blog is not something to be taken seriously, but I would really like it if you did because I mean every single last word of the following blog post.


Sexism is something that has been around since the dawn of bra burning, when the first woman who was tired of sitting in the back of the bus climbed atop the blue line to Montgomery Ave. and declared all notions of gender differences moot; culminating in an event that scientists usually call "that crazy woman atop the bus waving around something on fire and making everyone really nervous." Later on, in the days of Jimmy Carter, sexism would evolve into looking back at Humphrey Bogart films and sneering at his suave, attractive demeanor, a practice that can still be observed to this day whenever Casablanca comes on public television.

Today, sexism is known as not really liking the a person who doesn't have the same dangly (or non-dangly...or kinda dangly?) parts as you, making it akin to racism but with dangly/non-dangly/halfway-dangly things (which will be grouped together as "doongleys" for the sake of convenience).

Doongley Hate and Video Games

Doongleys in video games have been something that has been discussed numerous times over the history of some YouTube videos and article comments, as this graph clearly shows:


The inclusion of lines is clearly indicative of their tendency to zigzag, showing how attitudes toward doongleys have changed over time; the top and bottom lines being an exercise in individual interpretation as to who is on top and who is on the bottom. Come to think of it, I think I kind of see strange images from the two lines, but that is clearly none of my concern as the most accurate interpretation of the graph's content comes from the fact that I'm dragging this on too long.

Video games and lady peoples are one of the hottest issues in sexism today (if you're into that kind of thing) with prime examples being Bayonetta, Master Chief and Q-Bert. Bayonetta, in terms of how she stands in the grand scheme of gender equality, is somehow seen as a detriment to the image of women because she never cuts her hair (making her get really bad gigantic dragon tangles that eat godzilla villians) when, in reality, she is clearly a misunderstood Jeanne d'Arc for her time, showing that she can be almost completely naked all the time and bouncing around with her sweet, round...


erm, where was I? Oh, right: Master Chief. Master Chief is seen as an additional detriment to the state of women in video games because he sets the standard for men to completely cover themselves up and still somehow make a lot of money off teenage boys, unlike Samus who needs to take her turtle shell suit off every once in a Team Ninja to sell some copies. Quite frankly, I don't see how this is sexist due to the fact that it's more homophobic than anything, what with all the homosexual epithets hurled like candy in a parade when you go online. If there's any Sexism to be had in Halo 4: Never Showing Your Faceathon, it's that Cortana isn't completely stark naked with glowy things on her chest to make her look like Madonna covered in neon paint. On that note, I am forced to talk about my last subject: Q-Bert.

Q-Bert is the most disgusting example of sexism in the entire gaming universe (in fact, maybe in everything ever). Q-Bert, as everyone knows him, is a ball with legs who clearly resembles the male end of the doongley spectrum, hopping around like a territorial, testosterone-filled jerk who has to obsessively make sure that everything is the same color because he also happens to be a racist.


(not to mention the swearing)

How, in today's world, can something like Q-Bert be seen as acceptable, even making its way into beloved Disney movies like Wreck-it-Ralph? I, for one, was appalled at his inclusion in the film, showing that the industry simply wants a paycheck and doesn't care that they're pushing a racist, misogynistic, profanity-spewing sphere with legs onto newer generations of child persons. Indeed, the future looks bleak.


Sexism in the video game industry is something that will continue to persist whether you like it or not, given that there will always be somebody who will cry injustice on even the smallest of things. I mean sure, there's Dead or Alive with all the women having gigantic, heaving, oh...oh yea-erm what I mean yeah objectifying women is bad but hey, what can be done about it? I guess there would have to be an influx of women in the industry, but even that doesn't matter when most of the consumer base with the most money are those guys who keep yelling means things at me every time I go online to play one round of a game because, you know, I had a long day and need to relax, I don't need the same crap at the office happening to me when I get home, I mean come on.

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, doongleys or something. Keep an eye on yours and don't hate other people for theirs.

Have a nice day or else I will be sad.