I got an urge to look up some awful fanfiction on the site after hearing some hilariously horrible stories from Masterpiece Fanfic Theatre (a show on That Guy With the Glasses in which one of the members reads abominations of literature) and...well, let's just say the experience was more soul-destroying than I thought. Thing is, the amount of pure, unadulterated filth on that site is overwhelming and it doesn't take too long to find a story that will make even the most emotionally distant individual cringe. One such story I found was based on the Metroid universe called Samus is Praegnent, the unrated edition by 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan...yeah, that's just as pleasant as it sounds.
I'm not entirely sure if I can post the whole thing so I'll give a family-friendly abridged version:
Samus and ridley had been going out for six months now. It was a conincedence, considering that most teenage relationships exist for 2 months, according to a video. Everyone was really suprised, because they hadn't expected the relationship to last so long. Not even sames or ridely thought it would last so loing, and that says things!
Right now, Samus and rildey were at Ridleys house. Ridleys parents werent at home because of a business trip and Samsu didnt have to be home until 1 o clock. Right now, it was only eleven thirty. They were on the couch and it was quiet.
"So Samus, what do you think of... uhh... world politics" Ridly made converesly.
"Ridley, I dont care about things like that." samus asserted
"Ah" Ridley admitted.
There was a kind oif silence that happens when people dont know what so say to each other in a relationship. But ridley has something on his mind.
"Uhh,,,, Samus..." Ridley approached.
"Yes ridley?" Samus question answered
"You know how... welll... we've been going out for a long time, longer than the average, and well..."
"I agree" samus knodded.
"Well, you know how... uhhh... you see..." Ridley seemed unholy
"Ridley? I understand what you mean" Samus understood.
"Samus, are you sure about?" Ridley started, but It was too late. The train had started to rool, and it was impossible to stop. Teen hormones are a problem, an they can lead to more than is bargained for. Samus and Ridley found out the hard way.
*this portion removed for your sanity*
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Samus woke up the whole neghborhood.
"Samus, is something wrong?" Ridley noticed as he qoke up. "OH NO!" he fearfully exclaimed.
"Ridley, what if... if..." Samus worried. Ridley was cooler and didnt loose his cool.
"Do, its ok. My friend told me that it cant happen the first time, so never worry. Its ok," Ridley acsertained.
"Uh... okay..." Seamus tried to convince herself. After all, who doesn't think it could happen it could happen after just one time? Unfortunately, they were dead wrong.
It had been some weeks and Samus was at Helens house. Mandy and 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 were there too. It was the morning, and Samus was feeling a little sick. The problem was, everyone else was healthy in her friends and family, so it wasnt likely the cold or the cholera. Something was up, and Helen was about ready to explode.
"Samus, I think we have an emergency!" Helen imploded.
"Ok Ok, calm down" Mandy controlled. She was the kind of girls who could keep their cool in a disaster. "Samus, we are all worried, but theres only one wayt o be sure," implied mandy.
Samus looked at her feet. "But where do I get one on those?" Samus speculated.
111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 broke the silence. "I have one," 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 made known. She reached in her black handbag and picked up a small wrapper with something in it. Evereyone was shrouded in disbelief.
''111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006, why do you have a praegnency test in your pocket?" Helen posed. Everyone except 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 thought it was a reasonable question.
111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 rolled her eyes. "Dude, I have a life you know," 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 controversially declared."
"Ok then" Helen calmed down. The only way to be safe is well... Samus are you ready?" Helen pried.
Samus was not ready, but it was the only way she could be safe. "Ok." samus decided. "Its time."
Samus was in Helen's bathroom. She couldn't believe this was happening. Ehat if... NO! SHE WASNT GOING TO THINK ABOUT IT!
Samus tried to calm down but it was too hard. Only 2 minutes... 1 minute...
Samus held her breath and took a look. "Oh. Oh no. No No No" Samus distruseted. "Say it ain't so..."
Somewhere in the town a phone was ringing. It was ridley's cellphone. Ridley picked it up. "Hello?" Ridley answered. He was confused because on the other end of the phone there was silence. Then he heard Samus say four words that would change her life.
"Ridley... I'm pragenent."
Thnaks guys! Metroid Highschool is on a short brak for right now, but itll be back soon! Thanks to all fans like Cerventes and Gamedude and Metroid13! Luvaya!
PS, if you are new, this story is a part of Metroid Highschool, another story I an writing. The story continues ther!
Yeah, that was fun wasn't it? Eheheheheheh....ehheh...heh...yeah...
I'm going to go scream at the top of my lungs whilst holding a dictionary.