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9 of the Worst Game to Movie Adaptations

Every year, Hollywood tries to exploit the success of one of two different entertainment genres. Comic books and video games. While the comic book adaptations are usually top of the line blockbusters, video games suffer a much more horrible fate. They get the cheesy effects, the crappy actors and directors, and a 11 Million dollar budget. Some directors, like Uwe Boll and Paul W. S. Anderson, have made it their lives to take and "attempt" to turn much beloved games into movies.

Of all the video game to movie adaptations out there, only a handful are shining gems. The rest, well, could have been better made by a five year old with a camera. Here is a list of the 9 that I feel had a promising chance, only to fail in every possible way imaginable, and not just in box office sales.

9. Doom

The Movie: Released just before Halloween in 2005, with a fairly decent buget and interesting visual effects, this movie promised to be one of the few gems. Given the strong support of both its source material and the legions of Doom fans around the world, its future looked promising.

Why it failed: Besides the fact that The Rock was in it? A complete lack of the source material didn't help much. The premise was there, but that was about all. Lets also throw in the horrible first person camera views that showed that the film makers only had limited time contracts with their actors (though it was a rather creative way to make up for the lack of screen presence).

How it could have been worse: The entire movie could have been shot like a first person shooter. It would have saved them budget in the long run, but there is no way that the film would have been any better like that.

8. BloodRayne

The Movie: Uwe Boll's "attempt" to do a decent adaptation (hahahahaha). A woman who is a half breed vampire/human called a Dhampire, is contracted stop a vampire lord from gaining the three parts that will grant him immunity to his weaknesses.

Why it failed: Uwe Boll has a bad habit of playing around licensing great games to make terrible movies. Its almost like he keeps half his budget, which this film apparently had but showed no signs of outside of the cast. Outside of the imagery, the movie lacked any sort of connection with the games itself.

How it could have been worse: Uwe Boll could have cast the lead as a male, using the same outfit. It could have opened in a lot more theatres.

7. House of the Dead

The Movie: A group of people end up in a house with walking dead people.

Why it failed: Two words; Swashbuckling Zombies. Uwe Boll, I got to hand it to you. You make some really BAD video game movies. Its hard to imagine that someone can ruin a zombie movie, especially one based on a really good Sega game.

How it could have been worse: They could have forced you to go see it. Seriously. They already made a sequal, it can't be much worse.

6. Resident Evil

The Movie: The really hot chick from Fifth Element wakes up in a mansion while a special forces team infiltrates the rather complex underground. Down there they discover the virus that turns everything into zombies and end up having to fight their way out. Oh yeah, the hot chick also has Matrix like powers.

Why it failed: This movie took a lot of liberties with a game franchise that was set in stone. The creation of the Alice character was alright, until she turned out to be much more of a Neo (from The Matrix) clone. Toss in the fact that HALF the cast gets killed off in a deadly laser corridor, and you have a really bad movie.

How it could have been worse: They could have removed our eye candy. Millia Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez pretty much hold your attention through out most of the movie. If they had decided to go with a Chris Redfield or Wesker main character, the movie wouldn't have been half as interesting.

5. Mortal Kombat: Anniliation

The Movie: Directly following the events of the first movie, our heroes find their world being invaded by the vile Shao Kahn and they must fight him and his army of misfit otherworld minions in order to save their world.

Why if failed: What do you do when you only have one returning cast member as a lead character? You kill of the other main character in the first 30 SECONDS of the film, thats what. Apparently, Johnny Cage is a bad ass until someone else has to play him, then he just kind of dies. Other than that, the movie tried far to hard to capitolize on the success of the first movie, but was sorely lacking the budget and effects required to make it anywhere near as good. Jax's metal arms were rubber, how much worse can you get?

How it could have been worse: They could have added in the life bars and round counters at the top of the screen. Or even given the characters Babalities or Friendships.

4. Alone in the Dark

The Movie: A paranormal investigator played by Christian Slater is about to discover very harshly that there is an evil side to our world, and that it specifically wants to kill him and his ex-girlfriend.

Why it failed: Boll, Boll, Boll. Oh why do they even ALLOW you to make movies. Why do companies even let you touch their licenses for decent games? Besides only being "loosely" based on the game, and loosely meaning a handful of references here and there, the movie suffers from Boll's trademark lack of a budget. At least a third of this movies budget went to advertising alone. Throw in half heart performances, and Bolls slapped together movie feel, and you have the makings of a terrible film.

How it could have been worse: Boll could have been in it personally. Or he could have let a five year old direct it. No, wait, that would have made it better.

3. Street Fighter

The Movie: M. Bison is a drug lord turned general, plots world domination but first captures Allied Nations workers and personal to get more leverage. This springs Jean-Claude Van mean William F. Guile, into action with a large man named T-Hawk, a little english girl named Cammy, and a whole host of other people thrown into the mix.

Why it failed: The movie felt like a cameo casting call. Almost every single character ever put in the earlier Street Fighter games was crammed into this plotless movie. Serious. Raul Julia at least had fun playing the evil Bison, but it didn't save the fact that his final role was in such a stinker of a movie. At least the flash kick that Guile does at the end was real. Other than that, its hard to give this movie any form of props. Nothing worked. I mean, come on, Mega Pop Star Kylie Minogue was Cammy. Ken and Ryu didn't even look like Ken and Ryu. And when did Sagat become a money hungry wuss that Ken could beat up. I thought Ryu beat up Sagat.

How it could have been worse: Its really hard to make this movie worse. They could have thrown in more characters, but there weren't anymore to throw in.

2. Super Mario Bros.

The Movie: Two Italian brothers, who run a plumming business together, get pulled into a strange world where dinosaurs rule and are plotting to head back to the real Earth to claim back their dominance.

Why it failed: Despite having some really BIG names, the first game to movie was one of the worst of the worst. Hoskins and Hopper's acting skills could not save this movie. The film didn't just stray from the source material, it totally abandoned it. The rich, colorful world of the Mushroom Kingdom was now a dark, dank world covered in fungus and was pretty much a mirror image of most backalley places in big cities. They even dropped Princess Peach for Princess Daisy, which made mostly Luigi the primary character rather than Mario. Yosho was a little puppet that would give any five year old a nightmare. Bowser, or, King Koopa, was a humanoid reptilian who was more of a evil dictator than a princess snatcher. The movie's setting got rid of any hope of the younger, target audience even wanting to go see it. It also failed because of the timing of its release. The Mario Franchise was in a lull, its peak wouldn't come again for a few more years.

How it could have been worse: Now that I think about it, straying from the source material on this film was the only real way to do it. The world of Mario would just look far too fake to be worth trying. Now as a cartoon or CG, maybe. Just not a live action movie. If they had stuck to the source material, the plot would have been thinner, the world would have looked really bad, and it would have done even worse than it already did.

And, Lastly

1. Double Dragon

The Movie: The future is dark. REALLY dark. Gangs, drug runners, and a combined city of "New Angeles" as it was renamed after the big quake of 2007 (possible prediction?). Two "brothers" end up with a magical medallion and end up taking on one of the biggest crime lords in the form of the T1000 to take back their city and fight for the Light.

Why if failed: Was there a reason for it not to fail. Besides the names of the characters, the entire abandonment of the source material was very present. The film had a made for kids feel, but he storyline had themes that most kids would never understand. Bad acting, even worse fight choreography (Scott Wolfe can fight?), a rather lacking storyline, bad visual effects (Abobo, need I say more), under par humor, and well, just about everything else. The movie only grossed 2 million in its entire run. Most films gross that opening weekend.

How it could have been worse: The fact that I brought it back up. This film has been forgotten for a reason. Enjoy your nightmares all over again kiddies. I know, I'm an evil person. Seriously though. This movie could not be any worse. No way. Even if you cast the characters with dogs and cats it would have been better. A talking hampster who knows the double dragon brand of fighting would have been better.

Thats it. I hope I've tortured all of you enough. Enjoy the not so wonderful trip down memory lane.

Surllio Out.

A Great Game I Most Likely Will Never Play

Card games are a great thing. When done right, with the right group of people, they can be a fun experience and a great social gathering point. But, there are two types of card games in the collectable market. Those that are for the hardcore, and those that are for the casual.

The majority of these games cater to the hardcore market. Games like Magic: The Gathering, Yu-Gi-Oh, and World of Warcraft are prime examples of this. These games require you to spend all your money buying not packs, but boxes of cards to get multiples of the best cards in a set. Even then, the best cards are usually promotional cards which can only be gotten at regionial or national tournaments, or by special promotional deals. Games like this boil down to one thing. Not who has the better idea or deck theory, but who has the most money and can copy or improve upon an already proven deck type. On top of that, Magic:The Gathering in general, forces players to keep buying the newer cards by cycling out the older sets when new sets or blocks get released.

To the makers of such games, its a cash cow. As long as there is a player base, the company is promised money. Games like this are hard for casual gamers to get into because they require a lot of time and a lot of money to even be decent at the game. The other turn off to games like this is the huge pile of rotten players that make up the majority of the player base. I've tried twice to get into Magic. Both times, most players were more willing to laugh in my face than give me any form of advice or assistance.

When I first saw the videos and demos of Eye of Judgement, I was thrilled. A card game that is played both strategically and visually. What a great idea. Why didn't anyone think of this sooner. I started tracking and researching the game as soon as news of it broke.

My first impressions were good ones. The gameplay looked fun. Commanding the monsters you summon with you hands. Getting visual effects from just playing cards under the camera. The stratigic value of only having a nine space grid with different effects. Solid looking card game interface on top of it all.

There was one thing that stood out. One thing that stood out very badly. Wizards of the Coast name was on it. Ok, they make great card games that cater almost souly to the hardcore audience. I kept telling myself to give them a chance.

Then I read the latest news on the game. It will come with a starter deck and booster packs will be sold seperately with expansion sets to follow.

My heart sank in my chest. What was once looking like something I could truely enjoy suddenly turned into my worst nightmare. I love a good card game. I love the idea of making decks and challenging people. I don't like the idea of spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars on a game just to be remotely decent at it. I don't like the idea of having to deal with the jerks that are promised to come along with the experience. Finally, I don't like the idea of having to pay for the software and hardware to play, on top of the cost of having to buy random packs of cards.

To me, its too much money to spend. I have lots of other things I have to do, as well as bills to pay. A game like this requires a huge investment of time and money. It is the turn off for me to most of the card games on the market, and it has officially become a turn off to what seems like a wonderful game.

If they had opted to sell the cards in full sets rather than packs, it might have been a different story. A $20 to $50 set of cards to tinker with your deck and older set of cards would have been fine. If you want multiples, buy another set or trade something you won't use to someone else. Instead, they went the tried and true cash farm route of random packs, random starters decks, and cards with rarity values and promotional cards.

My interest in a game that most likely will be a terrific title just got trampled by an ultra rare monster from a tournament prize pack.

Ten Things to show you play games TOO much

Well, its been a while since I wrote anything here. So, time to make sure that this isn't just a waste of space.

At work today, I was talking to a guy about the difference between someone who plays video games, and someone who lives them. A gamer basically.

Here is a list of ten sure fire signs that you are indeed a gamer. There are a lot more, but these are some fun ones.

10.: You have ever ended a phone call because a raiding party in an MMO was starting to form for a raid that was nearly 2 hours away.

9.: When talking about Tekken, you've used d/f 1+2 (not downforwards both punch) in a sentance when describing a fight.

8.: You consider the transition to 3D a downturn in the gaming world. Why? Because it made the world Graphics whores.

7.: You have written a
persuasive essay about which was better, Final Fantasy VI or VII. (thanks to a friend for this one.)

6.: You did #7 from both sides of the arguement.

5.: Your DS Lite follows you to work so that you can keep your Animal Crossing town perfect.

4.: Pac-Man Vs., Mario Kart Double Dash, Tekken, and Soul Caliber, 8 friends with a few beers is what your idea of a party.

3.: You skipped paying your phone bill so you could get a game the day it came out.

2.: You can name 10 different game developers, the projects they are working on, and know out front that
Peter Molyneux never tells the truth about his games.

1.: Your Atari 2600 not only still works, but is currently hooked up and gets more play than your PS3 and Xbox360 combined.

Well, there it is.

Time goes by too fast.

A lot of you on the boards don't know me all that well, but today I came to a odd revelation that got me to thinking.

I'm an amature film maker (but I will not do a video blog, ever!), I've made a modest living for myself, and here I sit, coming to the realization of many things.

I'll be 25 in November, part of me is looking forward to it, other parts of me are dreading it.  While I'm not in a bad situation, I'm not exactly where I wanted to be at this point in my life.  The few breaks I've had have come from tragidies. 

My first credited film crew part came after the death of my best friend, 4 years ago October 3rd.  My film equipment was purchased and aquired due to the inheritance money I got at the loss of my father back on March 1st of this year.  The passing of my grandparents will give me the finances to move forward with my first directoral roll.  Some may see it as morbid and my mother said it was wrong of me to do this with this money.  Perhaps I just feel that they would have wanted me to do this with the money left for me.  I guess pursuing a dream is something that makes people frightened.

Well, its not game related, but I just felt like putting it here.  I guess now that I've had some deep thought, I'm going to go and have a lot of zombie killing goodness, while I prepare to write my review for some older games.  Been wanting to do one for Tekken 5 for a while now.

See you all later!