Super Late Blog, and wow something from SGR? I thought he disappeared. Welp, I got this blog and another lined up to be coming to owe an explanation for my previous blogs, though I'm not expecting many comments since it's been so long, but for anyone who actually wanted to know what was up with my last blog, here's the (long) explanation of it all, hope you like it:
Well everyone, can I just once again say thank you for the wonderful comments I received on that blog. I received more comments on that blog then I have any other, and it really made me happy, as did everything you guys said, thank you again! I definitely think that is the best blog I ever done, with the best comments as well, and I couldn't be happier with it.
And now it is time for an explanation. Why SGR did you do this? You're not leaving; these blogs are meant for when people leave, why do it now? Well my friends, it's a simple story of some things I went through, I'll try not to make this too long but it will be due to my ranting tendencies, sorry about that, but anyhow:
Our story begins oh I'd say about a few months ago. There was a movie I saw in my film class, this was a film in my last monthly blog if you remember, it was a film called……Ikiru. Ikiru was a film about a middle aged man who realized he was going to die in 6 mere months, and that for the past 30 years of his life, he was living a dead life, a life of nothing but the same, schedules, without meaning, he wasn't even living, the film often says he was a "mummy," which I thought was really clever and just flat out true.
Throughout the film the protagonist goes on to realize how he should be living his life, and in the end he's able to do something that leaves a mark and makes many people happy, and in a very touching manner dies at the very place where he makes his final mark on the world.
This film really hit me hard when I first saw it, and I remember thinking about it for a while after I saw it. The big revelation though came soon after, I think a week or so after seeing the movie, I remember it was Wednesday, and I was sitting in a class, a boring class, just sitting, off into my own mind thinking, not paying attention to the teacher.
I started thinking about Ikiru, about the film, about how amazingly kind, peaceful, and strong the protagonist became towards the end, and how he did it. How knowing he was going to die gave him this powerful ability to fear nothing, and do whatever he wants, knowing that in merely a few months he'll be gone. I also thought about my new brony friends, those amazingly kind friends of mine I talk to on forums and read about whilst lurking. I thought about how they're able to say all these kind wonderful words, and seem to always be working, always loving, stopping at nothing to help every brony in need, seeming to be afraid of nothing.
And then I thought about myself, my life. The things I've done, the people I've met, the places I've been……the people I've hated, the people I've wronged, the people I find it hard to be kind to, to be myself around, etc. And then I thought about my favorite quote from Ikiru, a quote that has since stuck with me and practically become my new motto in my life, a quote the protagonist says to a character when he finds out how hard he's having it, and how despite all that he's never given up in being kind, and has almost never been angry. He asks the protagonist to stop and take a break, and that these people have been very rude to him and that they should be stopped and punished. The protagonist then turns to the character, and ever so quietly and peacefully says:
"Life is too short and precious to waste any time hating."
And as I thought about all these, something clicked, something connected the dots, and I just realized what I had to do. There are so many things I've done in my life that I regret, people I've hurt, people that I didn't tell them how I really felt until it was too late, letting down myself, and that well, I gotta fix them. What I realized in that very moment was that I could die any moment, and so could all my friends and family, all of you, at any moment in our lives we could die by some accident. Tomorrow morning you may never see me again. But in realizing this, in accepting this, when I came to realize that we'll all be dead in time and that hundreds of years from now we'll all be forgotten, I could do anything.
The fear I've always had of doing things began to disappear. I started thanking people who helped me more for what they do, because you know, there's so much hatred in the world, I can't help but love and appreciate all the kindness I'm shown. I began confessing to a few, telling them how much I care and am thankful for them, and telling those I wronged of the bad things I did and how I'm so sorry. When I fully was able to grasp the concept of death and how we could die at any moment, I gained the ability to truly live.
Like the wonderful bronies I met, I feel much stronger and kinder to well everyone, and I can't help but just love all the good things I see in the world, and the world as a whole, it's such a beautiful place. Like the protagonist of Ikiru I felt like a new person, and I've been trying as hard as I can to fix things, to make my life great before I go, because well let's be honest, I could go at any time.
My friends, if there's one thing I'd like to say to you all, it's to never forget how wonderful life is, to never take it for granted. Life is such a beautiful wonderful thing, that I just can't waste any of it hating, or being angry, I just can't do it anymore, and I've never been happier, so I encourage you all to try and do the same. The main character of Ikiru knew when he was going to die, we won't know when we're going to die, we won't be as lucky as him. All the good byes you want to say to people before going, the good bye blogs, you may never get to do it. I'm sure we've all heard this saying at least once, and it can be oh so hard to do, but as much as you can:
"Live every day of your life as if it were your last."
I did that with my last blog, that blog was a blog I made with the thought that it would be my very last blog, and I'm glad I did it, now in case anything happens to me, I'll know I did this, and if it happens, I won't be very sad, I can happily say that I have nothing more I want to say before leaving, and I encourage you to do the same. People don't know how great or loved they are, and often forget or lose sight of this and begin viewing people and the world in a dark light, don't let these people you love forget how much they mean to you, and how great they are. Because in all honesty, you may never get another chance to, as we don't know when that time comes, and not to be blunt or rude but, in the end we'll all be dead in 100 years, and no one will remember what embarrassing or weird things you did, so don't be scared! Use death to your advantage, use death to live, like I have, as that's the brilliance of life and death:
"If we never had death, we could never truly live."
Thank you to everyone who read this, I love you all very much, and wish you nothing but the best. Good luck!
Well, it's been a while since I wrote this up, since that revelation of mine, and I dunno. I'm starting to find it hard again to be honest with people, to tell them everything I want, to do everything I want, to truly live, I'm starting to take life for granted again.
Ikiru actually touches on this subject. At the end of the film, we see 8 or so guys learn of the protagonist's tale at his funeral, and they make a toast and vow to live every day of their life as if it was their last. A month later, we see that in fact, just about all of them have sunken back into the life of a mummy. We see the final one, the one who was touched by the protagonist the most, go to the others ashamed of what they've done, going to remind them of their vow, but then they all turn to look at him, and the man sinks under his work desk, dead inside.
It's a depressing scene, but it's true! I was shocked at how after a few weeks of my free amazing life, the old ways started coming back, and I didn't know why! I began valuing material things again and getting angry with people, and I couldn't believe myself! Though I should add, it really hasn't gone that far at all into fights or anything haha, just not as much as I used to be.
I have to admit though, it's much harder for me to do offline. Online I can easily tell people I'm sorry, and how much they mean to me. Offline though it's just….so much harder! They stare into your eyes, it's so hard to get 1 on 1 time with people like you can online, so hard to get a time when you're both quiet too, and if I don't have any of those conditions, it's just so hard for me!
I don't know, it seems I still have a ways to go, ways to improve and make the world a better place. But you know what, I can do this, and I know I can, I've done it online after all! And I plan to over Christmas break, I plan to with the two people in the world whom I dislike the most, whom I may actually hate and wish bad things to, which I am ashamed of, and whom I would love to make amends with the most; my younger brother and my father.
I'd like to watch Ikiru again, I think after writing this too I feel like I can do more and be stronger and honest. We all fall, it happens, but, like the way Ikiru ends, you can get back up. After being destroyed emotionally by the other men who made vows, the sole remainder goes to the place where the protagonist died, and looks up to the sky thinking what to do. And he seems to realize what he must do, is able to reclaim that spark of strength, and then he heads off and the movie ends.
So again, thank you to all who read this! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and enjoy this time of giving, live happily, and live proudly! Bye all, take care, and have a very Merry Christmas, my next blog will touch upon my lack of activity and what this means for the future, but until then, I'll see you all later,