Shinno441 / Member

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Take a look at this...

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For those of you not as familiar with me, I have been working on an extensive writing project for several years. I posted the first rough idea draft of Elementura 1 up on the forums a while back... The following is how I wrote in the introduction of one of the key characters, Hunter.

Vega sneered at her and lunged at them with fists of fire, swinging wildly at Jace and Draca who did all they could to avoid until Jace, under pressure, swung the sword in his right hand right into Vega's arm. It made a clank, but then reflected right off of his skin.

"One of you! Haha! That's a good one. Why would I want to be a stupid chimera or some fake-human elementura! Gimme a break!" Vega's yellow fire turned into a bright sword and he slashed at Draca, who thought she was a goner until out of the sky, a burst of lightning broke the sword and shocked Vega, who immediately fell over.

Draca looked behind her and saw a boy her age pointing his finger down at the ground. He was directing the electricity. He had messy blond hair and green eyes. His teeth, his eyes, everything about him resembled an animal even his stance. Jace took this opprotunity to wildly spin, swinging both swords fiercly into Vega, who didn't even flinch as he got up.

"Hey you two!" the boy yelled, "Only amateurs fight like you two. Run away and lemme handle this."

Jace was thrown back into the grass by Vega, but he got back up and assumed a battle stance. Draca too prepared herself, looking as threatening as possible, even though she knew this man couldn't be beaten.

"Sorry, we're not running away from this freak!" Draca replied.

"Yeah, thanks for the save, but we're not cowards!" Jace added.

"Fine, I guess I should help you then," the slim boy said walking up next to them, keeping his animal eyes focused on Vega. He stamped his right foot on the ground which immediately crumbled upon impact. He was wearing heavy metal boots that began snapping with electricity. "The name's Hunter! I'll be your savior today."

Draca laughed, and Jace still readied his swords.

"Oh," Hunter noticed, "kid, you, with the swords. Use your elements. Don't want to be mistaken for a filthy human right?"

That was about a year and a half ago. Now take a look at this, a new draft of the same book, rewriting the intro for this character. The following isn't his intro, but it's a part of his intro chapter:

"We get the crowd excited!" he claimed as they met yet again. "Besides, that's the point. Get them to watch us while I think of a way to get us out of here!" Jace was dumbstruck at Hunter's logic. The mere thought of ever having to take advice or strategy from the performer again was out of the question, and downright vexing. Still, the plan did accomplish what it set out to, the natural sins of sapience and intoxicating rays of the neon lights kept the people for intervening. The rays also kept Jace In the moment. He was excited, he was nervous, he was anxious, but most of all he was having fun. Sharing this moment with someone, deceiving an entire crowd of people to think of away to escape using a plan that had extremely flawed logic, it was fun! Jace grinned as the two continued their duel, neither one swaying from fatigue or fear, and neither one losing sight of the neon lights that kept them caught in the moment.

Without warning, a crackle of electricity erupted from Hunter's feet, both of which were now planted firmly on the ground. They spit in every which direction, lashing out at the throngs of people gazing stupidly at Hunter's finale. The finale, however, was cut short as firm hands grabbed each of the boys by the ears. Darkness sprung out from around them, and Jace knew as he descended into darkness that Draco had caught on.

It was odd though, as Hunter struggled, he noticed that it was not Draco who held him so firmly, but the man wearing the coat. His light, dew sprinkled hair gave off the essence of the forest within it, and his person smelled of pine trees—a smell Hunter was all too familiar with.

"Cut it out, you know better than that," the man said, and with those words he shoved Hunter out of the darkness before breaching its walls and escaping himself.

Meanwhile, Draco shoved Jace into the center of the dark zone, standing above him in an interrogative position.

"You idiot, fighting elementura out here when you can't even control an element yourself, what's gotten into you?" he scolded like a father, surprising Jace.

"Sir, I barely know…"

"Can it," Draco barked, he pushed his amber hair out of his eyes. "Next time, if you're going to take my daughter away, at least have the common decency to inform me. It spares me the trouble of going off to make sure that she's safe."

The darkness wisped away, leaving a perplexed Jace to stare at the commanding figure that sauntered away into the night. The neon lights that had been apart of his night, the fight with Hunter, disappeared and Jace accepted that young hand that boosted him up. It was with this acceptance of a hand that he accepted the task at hand would be an arduous one, and that he could not do it alone.

The fated trio smiled as they quickly left the city of the neon lights. Jace didn't know if his childish desire to return would be sated, but he knew the long path to his dreams and destiny would not be fulfilled if he returned.

He vowed to forgive them. Hunter and Tamara. The two were completely knew concepts for him, but he knew that they would offer an experience like none other. They didn't have the letter, but that didn't matter as long as they got to the temple first. His days as a wanderer nearing an end, Jace strode the land with two friends and a renewed purpose.

What do you all think? A good improvement?

Ideas...

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Well, I deleted my story off of GS, thankfully it's still on my computer. My reasoning behind this is because I still want to refine it. By having an audience on GS, it motivated me to work out the problem I have most with writing: starting it. Yes, finishing it is a problem too, but I have a long time to write this.

I'm still trying to tinker with the idea of how to impliment the past into the story without having tons of droning dialogue about it. There are enough villains in the series to have tons of action! I also realized how few elementura the story has. There are tons of gifted, the supposed rare elementura, but very little normal ones. To rectify this, I started with the villains, matching elements to their image and personality.

White Raven Society:
Sol - Light
Ares- Time
Colt - Space
Shiva - Gifted
Kitt - Dark
Riddle - Earth
Vent - Wind
Noel - Plant
Reynold - Water
Sam - Human
Vincent - Time
Ubacano - Fire
Darius - Fire
Rosa - Thunder

The White Raven Society is a group based loosely off of Akatsuki (from Naruto) made up of criminals throughout the world. Their leader is Sol who has mysterious motives the drive mysterious actions. They begin the series searching for the second Lotus Sword. Normally hunting in small groups, it takes the full Order of Grant to drive them off in their concentrated efforts. Later, it becomes revealed that they have political power in the far off Blues Nation and eventually they take over the country. It is revealed by Sol that they are waiting, "for the 30th painful year to be over" so they can initiate their master plans. In preparation they seem to be gathering money and forces while waging a bloody war against the East.
This is compared to before when half of them had no element. This is in comparison to the Order of Grant, the protagonist group.

Order of Grant:
Space Hero
Time Hero
Jace - Human
Tamara - Sage of Light and Dark
Hunter - Thunder
Serenade - Metal
Luna - Metal
Mu Lee - Earth
Drake - Wind
Teddy - Water
Amber and Ash - Fire
Claus - Plant
Vulcan - Human
Jessica - Human
Remus - Dark
Gentleman Jack - Water

The Order of Grant is a mercenary organization that, at the beginning of the series, is composed of four members. As Jace travels in search of his dreams he befriends Hunter and Tamara, bringing them into the society. After being enlisted to find the Lotus Sword, the trio meet Mu Lee who is a monk assigned to watch it in an area with heavy reconstruction activity. Consenting to let them take it, Mu Lee does not know who wants the sword, and the four run into a trap set by two White Raven members. This is when the enigmatic Serenade intervenes along with Vulcan and Remus (two of the original four). The group travels back to the Order Outpost in Rosefire and decides to go to the Fog Wind Nation to speak with the Chimera Kings. Here they meet Teddy Shui and Drake Feng. The group, under the idea that they should contact Jeremiah Lockeheart about safeguarding the sword, makes a stop at their outpost quickly with the help of an Eastern Ambassador named Jessica. At the outpost they discover one of the fire twins and head East to find the other.

Anyway, to those who actually read it, I hope you enjoyed that little taste of what I had to offer. It needed refining so I decided to take it off. Perhaps I'll try it again sometime.

I had been hoping not to post this, but I got owned in Nintendo Dream Risk

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After months of evading the Risk Police I have been caught, and must admit my fanboyishness in thinking that a mediocre shooter like The Conduit could possibly score AA on Gamespot. To be quite honest, it doesn't do much that other shooters have already done. Medal of Honor Heroes 2 got an 8 on this site and had all the same features. Amazing controls and robust online. Unfortunately, The Conduit is too generic to have scored anymore. Lame level design and an average online experience shot the game down from greatness, meaning not even good Wii controls could save it. Shame too, but I've realized my mistake. I got owned on Nintendo Dream Risk.

Another Update on Life

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Well it's been about 3 months since my last blog on GS so let's run down the list!

School:

School's going pretty well actually. I'm for once actually finishing a semester pretty strong. There's this girl that I tutor for Geometry, and I think I'm going to create a sheet with all the facts of the year on Saturday so she has an easier time studying for finals. She got the worst teacher ever so I gotta help somehow.

I gave recommendation sheets from my counselor to my Geometry and Biology teachers. Those two are my inspirations. Mr. Stormont taught me that life is something to look at and have fun with, while Mrs. Tieman inspired me to apply myself into mathematics, and has showed me what kind of teacher I want to be when I'm older: A dedicated one.

In my speech class we had a little bit of an emergency when another english teacher burst into our classroom during practice, yelling "THE END IS NEAR" throwing paper plates and napkins. He had a broom and I was right by my teacher's desk at the time when he ran up to her, he was wearing a hat, so I thought I'd have to fight for my teacher's life. Thankfully I was frozen! :P. He went up to her desk and stole her tissue box. He returned it on Monday though. Definitely one of the highlights of school!

I'm receiving an award in front of the whole school tomorrow, which is nerve wracking :S


Hobbies:

I'm 95 pages into Elementura 1. Which is awesome! This summer I'm gonna finish up this thing on GS and do some major editing every night and maybe have a finished and completely different product by the end of summer! After that I'll do the same thing with book 2.

Bowling's been suspended on my list for a while. My friend's were being **** while we went, and my Wednesdays have been pretty busy for the past few weeks.

Gaming's going okay. I'm trying to get into Animal Crossing, and I want to bring the Wii downstairs into the living room so my family can play. On my Xbox360 I'm playing Mass Effect, and the PC is with Toribash. My dad's thinking of doing an upgrade so i can consider playing some old games on it :P

I'm tutoring my sisters this summer as well. I also got a job at Tropical Sno. I haven't heard back or anything about scheduling or what-not yet though :P I definitely have the job though.

Another Update on the Wonderful World of Shinno

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Alright, let's get cracking here -

School:

I'm pretty cool with two of my new teachers, neutral with one, and the other one can go to hell for all I care because of how she runs the class and expects us to be 100% on top of everything. Starting Tuesday, I've gotten about 50 letters from assorted colleges - GOOD colleges too! I did get an 82% on my latest Chemistry test that I thought I did awesome on :( This is the first time my grade has dropped below a 90 in any class all year, albeit by .08 percent. All the new work is stressing me though, guess that's to be expected, I wore my glasses to school for the first time in two years.

Friends:

I think I finally found that one link that connects me and my friends into an actual group - bowling. I'm getting better and ever since I started redoing my technique three weeks ago, I'm on the road to doing great. Outside of that, I've got two good groups of friends, one of which I'm hanging out with for the dance next week, which I'm nervous about, because no one's said anything about plans, and I need plans.

Games:

I finished Banjo Kazooie Nuts and Bolts, replayed Fallout 3, and played the hell out of L4D. I did not finish Rune Factory 2 or Animal Crossing or FF4 :(. I did however start playing Pokemon Gold which led me to begin playing *drum roll* Pokemon Shiny Gold - for the GBA. It's so fun and it's like playing Gold and Silver all over, too bad it's only a beta that I got. I also picked up Fire Emblem which I will replay the hell out of until I have the game down to a formula like I do Radiant Dawn. I really want to pick up Phantasy Star 0 when it comes out, but I also want Pokemon Platinum (damn Nintendo and their milkage) - which means that I'd only have one game that I could get for the year. That's fine because I'm not anticipating anything else this year (only DS WOW) but, I dunno know, just incase, you know, something GOOD comes out.

Book:

I'll admit I've been lazy - though the ideas are still flowing, and as long as those stay fresh, so does the concept and it improves things. I do want to show a profile I created for one of the more prominent characters in the series.

Draca -

Age: 15, 18 and then 21

Appearance: Average height, slim; long, wavy hair; fierce black eyes; wears dark colors (but not to the point of fulfilling the anime emo stereotype).

Weapon of Choice: Dual pistols, then when she's older, dual shotguns. Weilds the dual element of light and darkness.

Affiliations: Jace, Hunter, Luna, and Vincent - Primary heroes, good friends.

Jace, Hunter, Serenade, Jarvis, Grant, Drake, Bruno, Claus, Courtney and Devon - Elemental Guardians of the Lotus.

Profile: Draca essentially starts out the plot with the desire to find her uncles, who are essentially like brothers to her. This action causes her and Jace to leave the safety of their home, Rosefire, and lure out the villains of The White Raven Society. She uses the power light and darkness to protect her friends and deliver Jace and co. safely to the final battle where Vega must be defeated.

After several more escapades, she discovers that her uncles, Remus and Romulus have become "entrepreneurs" in that they now are leaders of their own town that devotes days to studying and nights to using that knowledge to create bigger parties.

She later leads a group of rebels that fled Rosefire (when she's 18) along with Remus, Hunter, his brother Claus, and Luna. She then teams up with Vincent to bring down the Blues Nation and The White Raven Society. She ends up teaming up with an assassin named Sigfried and the hero Vincent to destroy the love of her life, and the "King" of Rosefire, Jerry. Towards the end of the war, a Society member whom Luna is closely related with engages Draca in a battle that almost ends the war.

Overall I'd describe Draca as the "girl" in the group, but because of family tree matters, she never really finds true love. She's the dedicated and responsible one who will take charge to do what's best no matter what happens to her. A character who originally started out as an "emo" of sorts who was the bad girl, has really evolved into a really solid, likable person.

My 2008 Year Review

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2008 was a pretty good year for me overall. Sophomore year is turning out to be much better than Freshman year even with the lack of awesome teachers. I'm making a lot of great new friends, sure I don't have a love life, but I think that's the way I've always preferred it.

Anyway, I given an honor from NDU saying that I changed it a lot and that I'm awesome like that, the only other person to receive that was nintyfreak so that means I must be doing something right. I'm still hellbent on hatred against Nintendo Revolution - dunno why but they just kinda tick me off. I'm still curtious at times though. I'm also back to doing the newspaper again which is nice I guess.

Gaming wise I found quite a few gems this year, it was actually a really low key year which has got me thinking on which games I should buy. I'm going to attempt to limit it to a good 5 next year. Anyway, my top five games for 2008 are in no particular order:

1. Rune Factory

2. Rune Factory 2 (Review coming soon!)

3. Super Smash Bros. Brawl

4. Team Fortress 2

5. Advance Wars Days of Ruin

Overall, a lot of long, replayable games on that list which is good because when I buy games I look for value.

I really can't name my best GS friends because there are so many awesome people, but I know that they know who they are and that my NDU friends are among, if not all of them.

On one final note I will leave you with a funny line from one of my drafts for my book:

Cyrus looked up from his magazine as Zane walked into the neatly arranged parlor containing white furniture covered with a shiny coat of slippery plastic. Zane never particularly liked this arrangement, but nonetheless he sat down next to Cyrus who immediately launched into an anecdote about his family.

"I've heard that you've been asking around about your family lately Zane, I got one thing, and one thing only to tell you about your grandpa in particular," said Cyrus as he slicked back his spiky mess of red hair.

"What do you know about my grandpa?"

"The first Jace, your grandpa, was one hell of a man, my best friend infact. We only had one little spat in our relationship, and that was when he walked off with my bride at the altar," Zane sensed a little fire in Cyrus' voice as he spoke, but his wide mouth was curled into that big smile that he often saw Draca wearing.

"Wh-what did you do?" asked Zane cautiously, not wanting to infuriate Cyrus.

"Haha! He may have walked off with my bride, your grandma, but I got the better reward!" he stated as Cecilia, his current wife walked into the room with a few mugs of hot coffee. "I walked off with his sister, ahahaha!"

So....

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Saturday I'm getting my permit for driving, yay!

I'll have reviews soon for FE: PoR, FE: RD, and whatever other games I feel like reviewing.

Not going on vacation this year has definitely crashed my summer. Normally we leave civilization for a week and come back refreshed but we didn't get to do that this year. I'm kinda sad knowing I have very few summers left where they'll actually mean something but I guess that's part of growing up or whatever.

I'm also running into some money lately so after I get a job I'm going to have to make a hard decision.

PS3 or 360?

PS3 has LBP and uh... other games.

360 has Braid, Portal, Banjo Kazooie and it's only 200$

Speaking of which, can someone tell me what the difference between the Arcade 360 and the other versions are? That can really influence my decision.

Is this it?

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Some updates on me.

- My project has been delayed. Fire Emblem sucked away my life this summer and I just didn't have the heart to hunker down and write. The thing I love about this project is that I can think about it whenever and enjoy it. I just don't think I'm good enough to share it quite yet.

- I'm drifting away from GS too. Sure I love NDU and the people there but I'm just not as enthused with GS as I used too. I swear I won't quit until I absolutely have too but I may cut back.

My top games

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Here it is a list since Kansas was asking me.

  1. Zelda OoT
  2. DK64
  3. Megaman Legends
  4. Megaman Legends 2
  5. Zelda Majora's Mask
  6. Super Mario World
  7. Yoshi's Island
  8. Spyro Year of the Dragon
  9. Super Smash Bros. Melee
  10. Spyro Ripto's Rage
  11. Donkey Kong Country 2
  12. Donkey Kong Country 3
  13. Super Smash Bros. Brawl
  14. Kingdom Hearts 2
  15. Grand Theft Auto San Andreas
  16. Rune Factory
  17. Animal Crossing Wild World
  18. Animal Crossing
  19. Megaman Battle Network 3
  20. Zelda the Wind Waker
  21. Super Mario Sunshine
  22. Pokemon Gold
  23. Metal Arms Glitch in the System
  24. Mother 3
  25. Final Fantasy X
  26. Fire Emblem RD
  27. Phantasy Star Online Episode 1 and 2
  28. Super Mario Galaxy
  29. Paper Mario TTYD
  30. Pokemon Sapphire