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SWARTHOS Blog

Massive Sinkhole Located!

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A massive sinkhole was discovered in the area that is serviced by the water company I work for. I went out to investigate so as to determine if it was caused by any of our pipes leaking. After conducting a thorough inspection of the area I was able to ascertain that the massive sinkhole was not caused by any of our pipes being broken or leaking. But was in actuality due to the fact that the Gates Of Hell were fast encroaching upon the land of the living. I then suggested that what the property owner needed was not a plumber, but a priest!

Weekend Slugfest

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FIGHT NIGHT

I, SWARTHOS, standing clad in Red attire, watch as my opponent is about to bite the canvas.

FIGHT NIGHT ROUND 3

I was able to do in 10 hours what normally should only take 5. But due to caffeine induced euphoria I completed 85% of the game without the save feature activated. O M lame brain GEE! Ok, this game is sorta fun and once I got the hang of it, the achievements began to multiply. The first day I played for 4 hours straight, bringing in 750 of 1000 achievement points. I figured it to be a good effort so I shut the game down and called it a day, all the while knowing I was on the verge of another 150 pt. haul as I wasjust about to embark on one of two championship fights. Fast forward 10 hours or so and I wake up to begin another day and sit my butt down in front of the mind control device, turn on the xbox and sure enough, nothing was saved.... Even though I had achievements from playing for 4 hours the day before, none of the progress however was saved... I had to run thru the entire game from the beginning all over again. Well, I'm a gamer so I sat down and did just that... 5 or 6 hours later I polished off my thousandth point for my efforts in Fight Night Round 3.

So, do I dance around the ring or put this game back on the shelf with a devastating left hook? I think I'll do both. This is my destiny. These points (and the lead I now command over my neighbor) belong to me.

Intergalactic Transportation

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Personal Transportation

Okay. What we have here is no ordinary form of transportation. This is what SWARTHOS uses to travel from gig to gig throughout the galaxy. While it may have the appearance of an ordinary kiddie ride (in fact it is capable of being a fully functional ride as part of its disguise) it is actually a very sophisticated vehicle, capable of traversing both space as well as time... Yes that's right. It can be used as a time machine. You see, it travels from point to point, station to station instantly. While on this planet, the stations are located inside of shopping malls (quite convenient actually) I punch in the proper set of numbers which transform it from kiddie ride mode into sophisticated time/space travel mode and off I go. Once I arrive at a mall where a docking port is located, I punch in the numbers again making it a kiddie ride once more and exit the vehicle and go about my business. People will often enter the vehicle and use it for amusement, making me richer since it takes money for them to operate. So, if you happen to see one of these machines parked at your local mall... take a look around, I'm probably in the area or at the very least there is someone nearby who is privy to this kind of craft as well. Please don't leave any chewing gum stuck to my seat or control panel... it's gross and a pain in the butt to clean.

thanks,

SWARTHOS -out

What really matters

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So the air con broke in my house a few days ago and I've been sweating it out in the heat. The days aren't so bad, but the nights can be brutal (weird, funky dreams due to a heated brain during REM sleep) I guess? Anyway, I've been meaning to get a new Condensor since the old one rotted out at the core. Today I'm walking around in Home Depot and I see a salesperson wanting to sell me a far out air conditioner, just what I need. Ok, here's my name, here's my number... Alright, we'll have a sales rep call you within the next 48 hours... Cool. No pun intended. I head home and I contemplate what I'm going to do.... Aha! Yes, I'll ride my stationary bike 15 miles, hard. When I'm done I won't shower right away as there is a specific achievement I want to acquire in Lego Rockband that will require me to work up a sweat. That's right, it's the 30 song marathon set achievement worth 50 points. Right on, I've been wanting to put that under my belt for some time now, but never felt motivated... Today I did, so at 6pm I start my quest for this achievement. Now, there is no failing, no pausing.... just playing straight thru, 30 songs in order to get this achievement. No problem for me, as SWARTHOS rocks the fake plastic guitar games. I'm chugging right along, 10 songs, 20 songs, 25 songs under my belt... almost there... 3 songs, 2 songs to go! I'm half way through song number 29 when the phone rings... It's now 8pm as I've been playing for a solid 2 hours straight... mind you, I'm tired and sweaty, my vision is starting to blur and my legs ache... Not only from the marathon guitar play, but remember I had just ridden 15 miles in a hot house on my spin bike... RING RING RING Yeah... it's the air conditioner company wanting to set up an appointment for tomorrow... Damn! I could have ice cold air tomorrow, all I have to do is pick up my phone... Ok, I'll hit the speaker button as I'm jamming... no prob, SWARTHOS has been rocking the guitar games since 2005... Hello? Yes, Mr. SWARTHOS we would like to ask you a few questions in order to get started with your appointment and (I couldn't really tell what he was saying... I was jamming to some RUSH "Limelight"! right on!) "HEY MAN!" I yelled at the phone... I'm currently jamming on the guitar... can you call back? No sir, this will only take a few seconds... "YEAH MAN! BUT HEY! I can't talk right now, you see I've been working on getting this achievement for nearly two hours, man. And I can't stop right now"... Ok, sir. We'll get back with you at another time... FAR OUT, MAN. Click... 5 starred Limelight... Last song up, #30.... DEVO, no prob.... I'm a spud cadet.... achievement activated.. I'll trade comfortable air conditioning for a hard earned achievement any day of the week! And as a bonus, I scored another achievement while attaining that one, giving me an 80 point effort! Right on man! SWARTHOS ROCKS!

Far Out!

The Kinect Question

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I don't know about this Kinect device. I'm sure it's cool and all but you know. Like, for me, one of the reasons for even playing video games is to be able to go on adventures, fight in hellacious wars and drive awesome machinery all with as little physical exertion as possible while seated on my couch. This Kinect device sorta defeats that purpose, man. Therefore I say leave the Kinect out of the games that didn't have it in the first place... but I understand if it has to be there... Okay, so like, put it in there but make it a second or third option without causing any negative impact on thumb/finger control gaming. I don't want to break any kind of a physical sweat while I'm playing. I've got a pair of jogging shoes and a gym membership for those days.

Okay, so what if you can only score certain achievements via using the Kinect in a particular game?

Okay, perhaps one day I will own a Kinect. I suspect that one day I will be forced to own a Kinect. But I say the hell with me jumping around in my room while naked in front of the screen, only to bust through the floor, come falling through the ceiling screaming in the sheddy nude, injured and bloody because I had to physically exert myself while pursuit of an elusive achievement point.

Moving right along in Vanquish

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21:56:37 I began to think about what this would be...

Alright. It's going to be about me finally getting past the garbage heap in Vanquish aka "The Unknown". So, I dispose of the trash and move on. Things picked up considerably once I was outside in the fresh air again. Beautiful graphics, great scenes and fast moving targets. I picked things off handily as I made my way up the outside of the ship. Several battles along the way, and there I was at the top... My job, rip this huge hose thing out of the craft... Mission accomplished... did I mention, I had to fight yet another heap of unknown garbage during this mission... the "I don't speak Kreon" mission. Man, I really hate that mission. I'm outside again now, somewhere that looks like a forest and there are robots everywhere. But they're easily taken down. I'm enjoying Vanquish once again!

22:02:48 I finished my entry

SWARTHOS -out

VANQUISH - becoming an irritation

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Man, when I first started playing Vanquish I was like, totally into it, man. Now... I'm stuck on this particular level getting my @$$ kicked by the Unknown... The Unknown is some type of intelligent heap of garbage which has for a brain that little red dot you often see on the side of 7 UP cans. I do battle with the Unknown for seemingly tens of minutes, only to have it sneak up on me from around a corner, grab hold of me and shake the livingcrap outta me till I'm dead.

I HATE THIS BOSS

I'm playing on the easiest of levels too. 19:13:58 Right on, at this particular moment it is 19:13:58 Far out.

Ok, I'm outta here man.

SWARTHOS - Out

Today was most productive

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Right on man, it seemed as though I accomplished a lot today... looking back I'm not sure what the hell it was I accomplished, but I have that feeling, that sense of accomplishment. Let's see... I pretty much smoothed out my Blogger as well as my Twitter. I've had some incarnation of those for years (create, delete, create, delete... rinse, repeat) But I think I'm going to keep these this time... I don't know why, but I feel as though I need some type of online presence, I guess it makes me feel more like an active participant in life... like I somehow exist or matter, well... as if anyone is interested in what I might have to say, but still... it does make me feel as though I'm contributing to this world in some way. Worked out.. rode the bike, felt great, went far and fast. I lifted, felt good, felt strong. Ate dinner (right now i'm looking at that word "ate" and it sure looks weird, man... is that how it's spelled... it's a trip when that happens, man). Ok, so I ate and then I wandered outside and saw Orlando playing with his kids so I went down there and got into an awesome Nerf gun battle with his son Pedro. Now I'm going to have to climb up into my attic and retrieve all of my Nerf weapons (after all, tomorrow is the 4th of July and I most certainly need to be armed to the teeth. Uhhhhh.... alright, gonna go read a book... I feel the day catching up with me fast... yeah, had too much fun today it seems... oh.. and I washed the Porsche. Ugghhh

I'm feeling the fever again...

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GAMING FEVER! Ok... where the hell am I going with this? Ok... I'm catching the gaming fever again! I found a copy of Avatar: The Last Airbender (FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WILL THE GUY DOWN THE STREET QUIT BLOWING HIS HORN!) I can hardly hear myself type what ever it is I'm trying to say here... Uhhhhhh, yeah.. so the Last Airbender arrived (I hear you can score like, 1,000 achievement points simply by clobbering people as they run out of a building toward you)... so, I'm looking forward to doing that. I tried finding the game local but it didn't seem to be available, therefore I ordered it two days ago from a store online and whoosh! Got here quick so I'm happy. And then while I was out driving around aimlessly with my neighbor in tow this morning we stopped by our local Gamestop and I ended up scoring a really cool looking zombie game... HA! I can't remember the name of it as I type... but you uhhh, like... uhhh drive cars and kill zombies... ok, two of my favorite activities (on and offline.. YEAH!) ummm... ok, sure... So I like going to the store 'cause this one girl that works there is like totally cute and phun to chat with... Well, time to pop on my HD yellow tint meta-physical time displacement shades and jump through the Vortex... I'll check back with a review or something after I play that cool looking zombie/car game that I can't seem to remember the name of... (I've had too much caffeine... 12 cups of coffee and a rockstar). SWARTHOS ROCKS! - out, man

Achievement points ethics

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So I have this neighbor who enjoys playing on the Xbox as much as I do. He's a pretty good gamer and is able to complete just about any game that he puts his mind to. One day I casually mentioned to him that I was trying to catch up to him on his level of Achievement points (He has held more or less a 1,500 point lead over me for the past year). Now neither of us are what you would call elite gamers, just casual, every so often gamers who play hard when we do find the time to game. So he responds by telling me "Let's see who can get to 10,000 points first". Ok, sounded good to me... well... After hard days of gaming where I'm scratching for every single point I can get, I like to look at his gamertag and compare each others progress. So I start seeing him get 300 points for Sonic The Hedgehog, 500 points for Lego Batman. Now, I'm cool with those games but I knew him to be more of a Bioshock or Deadspace kind of guy so I mention this to him and he laughs... Oh, that wasn't me, those are games my kids play. WHAT!? Come again? He tells me his kids play on the Xbox after school, he only plays one or two days a week and usually on the weekends... So Now I come to find out he's not the only one in his house contributing to his Achievement point total. He has 3 children ranging from ages 7 to 15 who all play on the Xbox. As for me and my Achievement points, it's just me. I don't have any children or anyone else in my house that plays on the Xbox. Every Achievement point I have, I've earned myself. So I approached him concerning this and his response was "You have more free time than I do, so this makes things even". 4 to 1... yeah, sure... I practically begged him to set his kids up with their own account as there was no way I could compete against 4 people in an Achievement points race.... He seemed reluctant at first but then agreed... Or so I thought. Here now just one day later I see his kids back out there again blowing up the score in Lego Indiana Jones and Kung Fu Panda. Certainly I could pop one of those games in and earn some easy points... But the issue here isn't ease of point gathering, but time & effort. If I play Kung Fu Panda for 4 hours and his kids play Kung Fu Panda for 4 hours... then we both stop to take a break, meanwhile my neighbor comes home, fires up Bioshock or whatever and puts in another 4 hours... Well, you see the picture. He has a platoon of players spending time adding to his Achievement points, I only have myself. That is my rant. First and foremost I play the games for the simple enjoyment of video gaming... But when someone says let's race to 10,000 points and see who gets there first.... Well, he's making it into a relay race and meanwhile I have no one else to pass my baton to.