Total of 64 user reviews spread across 64 releases
Super Mario 3D Land
Plumbing is where the Money's at
Talking about the past is a hit or miss. I'd rather avoid it all together. I was on a date last night and she wanted to know about everything. Does it matter? I'm here in front of you babe. What you s...
Knacking for A Better Day
I work as a technician and as a technician you tend to notice the quality of other technicians work. Were the cables wired and managed properly, the equipment set level, cuts made precise or sloppy. T...
Batman: Arkham Origins
Batman will Spank it around town
Sometimes when I get sick I feel the need to head into the bathroom to dump out my illness. My mom come looking for me if I take too long. Just leave me alone, I tell her, this is my time with the toi...
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (Platinum)
A Massive [Boring] Experience Smothered All Over Your Face
In the land before time, video games had a hard time being boring. Even then when a game wasn't exactly good, it was still tough to really go ahead and call that game particularly boring. We more j...
Spec Ops: The Line
Average Joe Wants His Averageness Back
Sometimes you start something and you can't finish it. Maybe that something is some crappy chinese food, maybe it's a boring movie, maybe that something is high school. While I did finish high schoo...
Grand Theft Auto V
Bro's Don't Leave Home Without It
(A small review of the most overrated game of the generation) Getting from here to there can be a drag, especially if you're an unmotivated twat like myself. I took for granted how nice my last ap...
Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Blacklist
It Doesn't Work So Well in the Dark
I typically watch the person cooking, then eat what the person who was cooking cooked. I cheer them on a long the way and every now and then say the obligatory, "You need any help?" Then they say no...
The Bureau: XCOM Declassified
Stuck Inside The Fence of "What the Hell is This Crap?"
Getting to a movie theater early is nice but then you got to figure out what to do with yourself until the trailers start. Maybe there's some interesting Ads on the screen and some trivia but that cr...
What's For Show Ain't Always Pho Sho!
For show. A lot of things I purchase are for show. Sure they hold some other purpose but that just comes with the territory. I buy some new pants. They have to look good. Sure they keep my legs ...
You'll Get Hooked Like a Big Tuna If You're Not Careful.
I'll tell you some of what I can see right now: This computer, my neighbor's nice, clean backyard next to my pile of junk backyard, this mornings cereal bowl, a jar of opened salsa, a banana peel, an...
Super Duper Quack Sauce
There's nothing better than going to your go to. I don't know what your favorite pizza spot is but I know you got one. Come game day, the day you invite all your pals over for a full day of solid ga...
Beef Jerky in a Strawberry-Banana Shake
Something about fat people. I mean, there's nothing wrong with them, obviously. But when you become close friends with them they sort of try to get you to eat the junk they're eating. Not like they...
Kyntt Underground might not keep the doctor away, but it will make you forget about that appointment you had
Rarely am I punctual with the things I got to do, though I tell people different. Especially on my resume. Oh that. You need that done? No problem. ASAP you say? No problem. I'll get that done....
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Things We Return to in Link, I mean Life.
There a lot of things I return to in life because I know I'm going to like them. Pasta. I absolutely love pasta. Eat that stuff whenever I can. Electronic music. It's great at dance bars, great w...
Just Cause 2
You'd have better control of pancake batter on a hot summer day
I'm pretty sure I'm in control of my life. Though I'm not entirely too sure. My job sort of rules me. Must get the work related stuff done first or I don't get my paycheck. Without the paycheck I ...
Tomb Raider (The Final Hours Edition)
It's Not Good But You Can Still Have a Wank
I've had terrible gas lately. Farting everywhere I go. I think it has something to do with my diet. To spin this whole situation into a more positive note I've gotten really good at the whole "Pull...
Orcs Must Die! 2
You pull out a weed, find a girthy carrot and before you know it, dinner plans have changed.
So I get in bad moods sometimes when things don't go my way. Sometimes in the morning I'll be all happy and skippy like a boy with a yo-yo but then all of a sudden something will tick me off (like so...
Metro: Last Light (Limited Edition)
This Nazi Outback Steakhouse Just Farted. Want to Go There?
My roommate watches a lot of TV. I mean, a lot. He DVR's pretty much everything. He'll tell me one show is good, but it's just like every other television program. It sucks. He swears by a lot of...
We've all had it before, just not this far past the expiration date.
There's a coin-up laundry about a 30 second walk from my apartment, that's where I do my clothes. Wash and Dry. A girl I'd been sleeping with came in with me once. As I was about to throw in some w...
Retro City Rampage
After living 15 years alone in a straightjacket, you're the first girl it came across
I wonder if somene had been working on designing a candle that burned longer when Edison released the light bulb. Probably. Thinking up the concept of electricity is hard enough, but pulling the par...
The Last of Us
Your mom wrapped up your favorite game for christmas and gave it to you again.
I've never been one of those people that can go to the supermarket and stock-up on groceries. Someone who can just walk into a supermarket and drop two hundered bones on food for a few weeks. One re...
There's No Time To Scratch Your Butt
I was addicted to watching movies. I couldn't stop. Probably watched a thousand flicks in three years alone. Then I stopped. Done. Shut myself off. Not because I didn't have the time to keep wat...
"Grandpa, you pulled the turkey out too soon." "No, I didn't. "
Grandpa thought the turkey was cooked perfectly. But it had been some time since his senses worked properly. Meanwhile his family didn't want to make him feel bad so they quickly put a bag over the ...
Super House of Dead Ninjas
You're fat and on a diet but you decide to order the juicy steak with a side of deep-fried french fries anyways.
I had a meal at about 4pm today. Then went out to dinner with this chick around 7. Was sort of stuffed. Should I have ordered a light dish? Yes. Did I? No. I wanted to stuff my face again. I o...
An ostrich at a wedding has no place to bury its shlong
For the most part, there are certain things in this life that turn out just like you knew they would. Like a trip to the grandma's, an afternoon detention or a trip to the can. In gaming, this can b...
Legend of Grimrock
The top of the wedding cake eaten after the 10th anniversary dinner.
Somethings get better with age, like a nice bottle of red wine. Otherthings don't, like your ability to stay hard. Take Goldeneye 64: A game that was enjoyable in its hayday but ever since has slow...
Some oil added to the bubble bath
Amusement parks have those gigantic stuffed animal prizes. Not a simple feet to claim one for your own, but if you do I imagine carrying one of those fat beasts around is as convenient as trying to c...
Runner 2: Future Legend of Rhythm Alien
A pair of second-hand pants that can still pick up chicks at the club
Probably spend to much time thinking about what to wear when I go out. Somehow I think the choice of shirt is all that stands between me and successfully taking home a girl. Who knows. Girls have t...
Nuclear Meltdowns in the Mouth, Not in the Hand
Video games can occasionally give us that sensation of being better at something then we really are. Shooters send the message that we're ready to pack our bags and ship off for duty, sport games hav...
The Walking Dead: Episode 1 - A New Day
At dinner you told your dad you want to be an artist, at which point he slams an accounting book in your face.
The thing about choices is... I think I just recently started to make them. I'm 27. And no I'm not just farting out of my mouth. Seriously. Not to say there was a specific person making choices fo...
Torchlight 2 is crack.
And crack, while highly addictive, is not necessarily a good thing. Video games in general are an easy thing to get addicted too. Heck, I might not play World of Warcraft religiously but I still pla...
Minecraft is a Breath of Fresh Chest Hair
For those of you under the age of twenty-two, you'll be surprised at which of your old buddies you're still friends with as time goes on. Most of them will be gone like the wind by the time your twen...
Death Rally and the Death of 3 Days
Here's a game that can hook a scumbag to a hooker who's already hooked on hookers. Yes I'm referring to me. Maybe I've been away from the gaming industry for too long to realize what a garbling mess...
Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale
Who put that turd in the shop window?
The cool thing about many places in the world besides the West is the fact that, among other things, you can still haggle over the cost of a banana. I currently live in China and giving a shop owner ...
You went into the fresh laundry and there were your sister's panties
I grew up having my mom pretty much do everything for me, like I was some retarded, near-sighted gimp. She made my bed, did my homework, cooked me dinner, drove me pretty much anywhere I wanted to go...
A piece of gum that's lost its flavor, but you chew it anyways
What is "original" flavor? Is it just like sugar or corn syrup or something mixed in with some strange animal byproduct? I get that fruit flavors try to resemble the flavor of fruits (even if it is ...
The Grim Reaper's jockstrap just got bigger
Some of us experience a stage in life where we live alone. It usually lands somewhere between the rooming with friends and rooming with your future spouse stages. It can tell you a lot about yourself...
No Time to Explain
Makes a bad first impression but later turns out to be decent in bed
I live in China but my Chinese is only so-so. When I go on dates, how in the world am I supposed to make a good first impression? I'm average looking, have the vocabulary of a 5 year old and the acc...
Looks Like We're Having Pasta Again Kids!
Not many people grow up playing hockey, well, unless you're from Canada, Minnesota or Siberia. For me it was just one of those sports that took too much effort to get into. All this equipment is inv...