Would you like John Cena for good? Would you? We'll give him to you. Seriously. No strings attached, he's yours. We'll even forge a birth certificate for him, and fabricate an elaboriate life story that has him growing up in Florida. Fake photographs, a high school class ring, the whole shebang. We'll even chip in for a souviner Rays jersey with his name on the back.
Just keep him the Hell away from the commonwealth. In fact, keep him away from New England as a whole. And Philadelphia, I could be living there next year. Keep him away from the entire northeast. Keep him in Florida. Just keep destroying his shoulder every time he tries to rehab it.