You read the best, now it is time to read the worst. I was not nice...as per the tradition.
The plague upon humanity, Justin Bieber continues to wreak havoc all the while avoiding the curse of puberty. I forced myself to listen to one of his songs and I wanted to kill myself. Every time I see him I want to punch him as hard as I possibly can-bonus points if Selena Gomez is watching-poor girl probably forgets what a real man is. He proves solidly that pre-teen girls have some sort of brain damage. Lady Gaga still refuses to go away and I still feel should be made illegal. If she were not famous, she would be involuntarily committed to an inpatient psychiatric facility. Its pretty messed up when you get rewarded with ungodly amounts of money for being insane. Bruno Mars who sounds more like a gay adult film star continuously churns out crap and gets worse and worse with every single. Sad part is, he got busted in Vegas a while back with Cocaine, but heck, when you are famous and put out crappy music the law doesnt matter.
However the worst offender...or well the three headed beast would be: The Lumineers "Ho Hey" which sounds like another crappy hippy outtake from the 1960's that was forgotten, Imagine Dragons "It's Time" which is pretty much a genetically engineered radio friendly piece of garbage and Of Monsters and Men "Little Talks" is an annoying pseudo bar room chant that alternates between haunted houses and boats. Those three songs encapsulate what is wrong with music-radio friendly, soulless, disposable, pop garbage. All three of those songs could be used to extract confessions from criminals, heck, if subjected to that any more than I usually am, I would admit to the assassination of Julius Caesar. With all the technicalities aside, the songs just SUCK and you hear them 20 times every hour.
However the honors for Worst Song of the Year goes to Nicole Westbrook for her colossal turd-Its Thanksgiving. If you have the guts, watch it on Youtube and enjoy the suffering. If you thought Rebecca Blacks Friday was bad, you have NOT seen this. The lyrics are inane, the music is awful, and the video is frightening (as it contains a startling amount of health code violations) its justcreepy. Upon closer notice, this video was done by the same people who did Friday. This is two utterly awful songs in a row which could be considered as torture under the Geneva Convention. Somebody needs to arrest the man responsible for these auditory massacres, Patrice Wilson, and make sure he is not allowed near anything electronic againever. Now, for those of you who were brave enough to watch the video, if you did so for more than 10 seconds you have potentially overexposed yourself and may face brain damage, permanent nausea and diarrhea, and possible hemorrhaging from the ears. To avoid this, immediately treat with real music such as Symptom of the Universe by Black Sabbath or anything by Judas Priest.
2012 was also a year in which Western Civilization took many steps towards oblivion. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo clearly illustrates the stereotypes that are commonly held about Americans-chief amongst these that we are a nation of fat, stupid, ignorant, inbred mutants. While all of these things are true about Honey Boo Boo and her family, it is not true of all Americans. The Kardashian Family is still famous, nobody knows why considering that they all have the same degree of talent as a brick. I apologize; I did not mean to offend bricks as they have many uses such as building structures or being used as projectiles against annoying, obnoxious, brain-dead skanks. TV continued to do Western Civilization more favors with Toddlers and Tiaras which caters to child molesters and encourages moms whose looks have long since faded to live vicariously through their kids. Each episode features girls caked in make-up thick enough to stop a bullet, wearing clothes that would not look out of place in a cheap strip club, and buckling under the pressure of their insane mothers. After I try to identify the mental illness of the parents, I think about the Mercedes Benz, the five car garage, and huge house that I would own if I were to counsel these poor girls when they grow up. The moms are beyond help, they need to be sedated and locked up.
The 2012 Presidential Election was a bust-sure Mitt Romney came off as cold and uncaring, but at least he is not as scheming, cold, and uncaring as Chairman Obama. The public chose the promise of Free Stuff over Freedom and yet they will cry and throw a tantrum (i.e. RIOT) when the bill comes due. Seriously, anyone in this nation who thinks that Obama is a nice guy who cares about you probably still believes in Santa Claus.
The Golden Facepalm (The coveted award which goes to the dumbest person/people of the year) is awarded to the people on Finding Bigfoot. This show is about a group of borderline mentally retarded people who firmly believe in Sasquatch. One of the men, Bobo (I wish I was making that up) wears a trucker hat with Gone Squatchin on it. They call to the Sasquatch and interview anyone who may have possibly seen something that could have been a Sasquatch. They also believe pretty much anything that anyone tells them. First off, a Sasquatch call? If nobody has seen one, how do you know what they sound like? Secondly, in a nation this big with millions of people who own a gun, a car, or both. Someone would have accidentally or purposefully killed one by now. Lastly, an animal that big is going to leave an epically large pile of crap-where are those piles? However their firm belief just makes me and lots of other people laugh hysterically-what a bunch of losers! Whats next, a show about Unicorns? Maybe the Sasquatch ride them and they can turn invisible? I am sure they will advance that theory at some point, probably next episode.
Finally, the Worst Person of the Year is serious, so I will drop the insults. The recipients are two soulless monsters who saw fit to kill innocent people who were minding their own business. The shooting in Colorado during a screening of The Dark Knight Rises is appalling. Those were innocent people just out to have fun. The shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary was horrific, what kind of evil waste of skin harms those who cannot defend themselves? We all pay our debt sometime, we can take solace in knowing that those two subhumans who committed these crimes will spend an eternity paying for them.
Well, that is it for 2012. Let us all hope 2013 is better. I hope you liked the lists, have a great year!