PeterDuck / Member

Forum Posts Following Followers
800 458 222

Valve to buy EA

by on

In more recent news, in early September, 2012 EA has attempted to buy Valve software and take over the brains behind one of the most profitable video game franchises in history, Half-Life, Gabe Newell. Upon hearing thatone of EAs representatives was let inside Valve Headquaters because he was short on gas, Gabe rushed out of his office and into the lobby of the building to stop the EA drone from exploring the premises, planting bugs and leeching off Valves intellectual and creative capital through the means of hypnosis and bullying.

Mr. Newell was asked if he was interested in betraying PC gaming, becoming a sell-out and assuming EAs right hand position in global domination. Upon hearing the outrageous offer, Gabe almost exploded into hundreds of overweight head crabs. He was heard saying things like "Over my dead flabby and disgusting body", "You can kiss my pale gargantuan World of Warcraft ass", "Where is my crowbar?" etc. Moments later he was seen pulling out a crowbar from behind his baggy pants. The somewhat tense situation died down when, to the EAs rep astonishment, it was discovered that Valve actually had more money than EA. Gabe proposed his counter-offer to buy EA instead. The terms of the purchase followed that every EA bureaucrat was to be either shot or exiled into the desert of New Mexico and that the PC-based gaming distributing service, Origin, was to be destroyed in the fiery experimental facilities of the Black Mesa complex