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A Promise Broken

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For most of this year, I've been addicted to an MMORPG known as Final Fantasy XI, which isn't a very fitting name because there's nothing final about the game. You just keep playing it and playing it; it never ends. Anyway, I've neglected a lot of things, friends, responsibilities, all because I couldn't break my addiction to that game. Last month, I somehow just built up the strength, with a little help from being supremely bored of the game, to up and quit. I gave everything away, deleted my characters and canceled my accounts. I swore the game off and made a promise to never play the game again. Well last night, that promise has been broken...

You see, around the time FFXI was about to launch on the PS2, a dear friend of mind in Canada wanted to play with me. We were supposed to make plans to play together, but she got her game about a month or two later than I did. I didn't know it at first, but I was supposed to join the server she was going to, Pandemonium, but instead joined Titan. I put in a lot of work and got like around a 30 BLM or something like that by the time she finally joined. Well, needless to say, I didn't want to give up all that work and start another character over on her server. She was having a lot of fun leveling up and doing things and making friends, and she pretty much felt the same way. Eventually, she made a character on my server, but we never got around to actually playing together.

When I quit, I wrote her an email saying that I was sorry we never played together. I told her about all that I did, about giving things away, deleting the characters and canceling the IDs. I then got back on the Internet and continued doing my things on GS and elsewhere when she pops up on MSN Messenger a couple of days ago. We talk about the email and about how she misses me and wished I could have played with her..... Then she suggested that I join her server now, since I no longer have any characters on Titan. I told her that I swore the game off and gave her all my reasons and how it was too late. She even said she understood and wouldn't push it anymore. But she did...

After again, I told her it was too late, she signed off to go play FFXI, but not after implanting that potent seed of suggestion. I kept fighting it, saying I never wanted to play the game again, but I kept dwelling on it. What kept me thinking about it was not playing the game again, but playing it with her. Before I knew it, I saved and turned off my X-Men Legends and turned on the PS2 again. I logged in, reactivated my account and created a Mithra character named Kitylitter. I tried to surprise her by randomly getting on Pandemonium, but after six failed landings, I just messaged her saying that I'm trying to get on to play with her and for her to get me a world pass since it was getting late.

So when I finally entered her server, she ran over to me and we got to see ourselves for the first time, in the virtual sense. I know it's odd for her to see me playing a female character (if you're wondering why I chose a Mithra, it's because they have the best dexterity for Thief and Ranger jobs, which will be goals for this character), but seeing each other move around and whatnot is about the closest you can get to feeling your friend there without actually being there. She gave me a linkpearl to her linkshell filled with nice and helpful people, and right off the bat, one of her members gave me 10k to start out with. She wasn't exaggerating when she said her linkpearl was terrific.

Anyway, she was off to help someone kill the Windurst Dragon, but for reasons unknown, they ran out of time and decided to scrap it until the next day. Anyway, I was talking with her and her LS buddies as I was soloing my way up. I forgot just how much I hated this game, and trying to level up a THF (in the early levels anyway) is maddening. I was in a bad mood when I started playing the game because I was having flashbacks of all the crap I had to put up with when I played before, and I wasn't looking forward to reliving those moments. However, I tried to behave as best as I could because I only came back on for my friend. As she and another LS member finally powerlevel me to 7, she told me how I made her night and about how happy she was to have me here. I really mean a lot to her, and knowing I made her happy by coming back I guess is worth me breaking my promise.

My greatest fear, though, is yet to fulfill itself. I worry that my addiction might start up again. This was a major reason that I told her why I didn't want to start again. I was just enjoying playing other games when I stopped FFXI, and now that is in jeopardy because I started again. However, I do hate the game enough that I probably won't play it when she's not on. She says she's not all the time, so that will help because I told her not to expect me on all the time either. I just hope I can keep myself off the game when she's not on so I can get other games played.

We'll see.....

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