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JonnyEarthquake Blog

I`ve Never Been More Scared In My Life

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This morning, I woke up covered in cold sweat. I had seen what is probably the most horrifying nightmare ever dreamed by a human being. It was so terrible I wondered for a while, if I`m really sane. The mental image in front of my eyes eventually disappeared and I found myself wrapped into my bedsheets like a madman, which, for a moment, seemed like a possibility, for the terrifying nightmare would be forever engraved in the darkest corner of my mind.

It was Bill Clinton, standing in front of me in nothing but white boxers, staring seductively in my eyes.

A few hours later, Mass Effect was confirmed for PS3.

Coincidence? I think not...

So, Finally

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Lines form on my face and hands
Lines form from the ups and downs
I'm in the middle without any plans
I'm a boy and I'm a man

I'm eighteen
and I don't know what I want
Eighteen
I just don't know what I want
Eighteen
I gotta get away
I've gotta get out of this place
I'll go runnin in outer space
Oh yeah

I got a
baby's brain and an old man's heart
Took eighteen years to get this far
Don't always know what I'm talkin' about
Feels like I'm livin in the middle of doubt
Cause I'm

Eighteen
I get confused every day
Eighteen
I just don't know what to say
Eighteen
I gotta get away

Lines form on my face and my hands
Lines form on the left and right
I'm in the middle
the middle of life
I'm a boy and I'm a man
I'm eighteen and I LIKE IT
Yes I like it
Oh I like it
Love it
Like it
Love it
Eighteen!
Eighteen!
Eighteen!
Eighteen and I LIKE IT!

T1M3 PARAD0x!!!!!111!!!

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My blog is a friggin` time paradox.

Shadow of Destiny, also named Shadow of Memories, a proud representative of the very dead adventure genre. Chances are you`ve never heard of it and, truth to be told, neither had I. Well, at least some time ago. Maybe it`s just my fetish for old, obscure video games but this quite overlooked title has actually stood the test of time really well. And for a title that has been released back in 2001, it`s quite something.

At the beginning of the game, you die.

Since this is a Japanese game, you don`t go to hell. Instead, a voice offers you to change your destiny by traveling back in time and prevent your own sad demise. Sure, alright. So you do that. No big of a deal. But then you get killed, again. Back to the strange Limbo-esque place, some sarcastic commentary and there we go again. But this time it`s not going back five minutes in time. More like five hundred years back. What are you supposed to do here? What connection do these people have to your destiny? And who the f*ck is trying to kill you?

sh1

Wow, his hair is almost as long as mine!

Shadow of Destiny`s main focus is the story, obviously. If you`ve played that abomination of a sequel of an utterly brilliant adventure game legend Dreamfall: The Longest Journey than you may see that these games have nearly identical gameplay. It means that there isn`t one.

sh2

You`ll meet plenty of interesting characters on the way.

I mean it. While the storyline keeps you guessing, the gameplay does not. It`s so obvious what to do that the entire game turns into a flowing cinematic experience. Sure, I`m okay with this but for anyone who has ever complained about MGS4 being a movie, you`re now reading about a game that is 2/3 cutscenes. Plus it`s 3 and a half beers long (six-seven hours that is) but the eight endings which all are crucial to understand the plot completely isn`t something you see every day.

sh3

Expect to see this place often

As for tech stuff, Shadow of Destiny definitely does not reach the level of MGS2 (which was released the same year) but it still looks solid. If you`ve ever watched a dubbed anime, you`ll know how this is like. I mean, the voice acting is good, but it just feels wrong. It`s not a bad point, mind this, however it`s noticeable and I just wanted to point this out.

sh4

Hey, guess what, you are going to die in 6 seconds!

So! *claps hands together* Shadow of Destiny is an underwhelming "video game" but an intriguing cinematic experience. Whether you should play it or not is up to yourself.

[spoiler] Or you could just pirate the game like I did. [/spoiler]

Hardly Workin`

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Well, isn`t this deja vu.

When I had my last blog posted, I thought I would be able to contribute more to this site. Unfortunately September came with many bad news for me. I was pushed out of my comfort zone and tried to crawl back, only to realize things will never be the same ever again. Funny thing is, you wish for a thing to happen for years and when it`s finally there, you have no idea what to do. These past few months I have been in some sort of a creative burnout, unable to to do anything properly. Although things are looking brighter now, I decided to quit one-review-per-month routine. First of all, I don`t have the time, and secondly, no one reads them. I will continue to write now and then, since I`m still trying to improve my English.

Aside my gloomy autumn, I did pretty well in school - for somebody who is too lazy to ever study at home that is. My research work deadline is only two months away and I`m getting slightly nervous. Because every time my fingers are about to hit the keyboard, my optimistic side tells me that everything will work out by itself (that has occurred before actually) or my pessimistic side claims that all work is nothing but a waste of time. Go back to that terrible imageboard and start trollin` people right away, it says. Which one am I supposed to believe anyway?

On a gaming related note, I`ve been playing mostly horror vidya and Killzone 2. My less important achievements include platinuming Resident Evil 5 and Mirrors Edge. Also I completed GTA: Chinatown Wars on my friends PSP during school.

For the cash I got this Christmas I bought Dead Space, Condemned 2, Stranglehold, Armored Core 5 and Brutal Legend, while traded in RE 5, Siren: Blood Curse and Ninja Gaiden Sigma. I regret none of my choices and so far I`ve had a great time with these games.

My fiend also lent me his PS2 and the desire to finally play MGS3 is overwhelming. A cookie for the one who tells me how to shut up my conscience.

Phew! I`m so glad I got this off my chest. Picture related, this is the greatest man that never lived.

thegreatestmanever

Imitating Bone-Breaking Sounds With Celery And Other Stuff

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It has been quite some time since my last blog so I decided to make a new one. Yay!

This summer has been quite short. It was like yesterday when I arrived home from school to waste whole three months doing nothing. Hold on a second... it was yesterday! You bastards! What did you do with my precious three months!? It`s a conspiracy I`ll tell you! They`re all against me! Oh, wait, blog. Right. I`ll leave my conspiracy theories for later, but I`ll get you goddamn government scum, I swear!

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About two weeks ago I finished The Darkness and wrote a review about it. It seems to be one of those overlooked titles and I wish more people would give it a chance, although I can`t blame them for quiting because the game literally farts in your face in the beginning. However it is a good game and tells a great story, so I recommend it for anyone.

Along with The Darkness I also picked up Killzone 2 but I`m not playing it right now. Not that it`s bad or anything, just seeing Radec`s face on the cover makes me wanna hide into corner and cry. Yes, I attempted to beat in on Elite and failed. Miserably.

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On a happier side, I bought Valkyria Chronicles and now I`m like

fkyea

It was quite an amazing day actually. I had found this super-cheap used videogame store in another town so me and a friend went to check it out. Much to my surprise, they had a hard copy of Siren: Blood Curse which I certainly didn`t expect to find and I also bought Heavenly Sword and Ratchet & Clank Future. After that my friend suggested to take the trolley to the other part of the city to check out the shopping centre but I was like: "Oh no man, let`s just go home." I so glad he convinced me. There we were, browsing around until I saw it. Between the copies of Far Cry 2 and Fallout 3 there it was, the game I thought I could get only though Amazon or Ebay. Daaaaaaamn.

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Just yesterday I finished Heavenly Sword. I had decided to finish it in one sitting and so I did - it took me about seven hours. I gotta say I was very impressed. I mean, you get to blow up like thousands of dudes, what is there not to like? The sniping parts were pretty awesome as well (when you tur off the motion controls) and shooting guys in the groin in slo-mo just doesn`t get old. Actually I felt that the length was appropriate, because the button mashing combat got tedious near the end.Good thing that I also got play as Nariko`s sister Kai. There`s just something absurdly hot about her.

kai

Oh crap, wrong picture.

By the way, did you know that the developers of HS used celery to imitate bone-breaking sounds? Funny, I never thought of how developers did it before.

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School is just round the corner and I, like all of you, welcome it [spoiler] just as much as testicular cancer. [/spoiler] Unfortunately, this year will be my toughest yet, not only because last semester was the high point of my procrastination but I also have to get a big-ass research work done until Christmas and apply to driving lessons so I can get my license next summer and go to a car trip to Germany with my dad. Also I promised myself to study harder this year.Well, I had made similar promises last year and a year before that, but it was different. Now I mean it. Seriously.

squid

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