I rarely feel the need to explain myself in life (much less on this site), but I feel like many men need a reality check, especially the lonely ones (which is sadly probably a great majority of the men on this site) -- and the ones who so indignantly replied to my last blog with sarcasm or insults. I feel your pain, sport. You're confused, and I feel bad for you. So grab a pen and paper, or read this blog a few times until it burns into your psyche. Alot of you could benefit GREATLY from this blog.
My last blog was a simple reflection on the part of dating where you realize a perfectly nice person just "isn't for you". It happens to women all the time, and you know what happens? They push the man off to the side, gain all of the benefits they'd get from a "relationship" -- a confidante, emotional support, a shoulder to cry on -- without any physical commitment to the man. Meaning, the man doesn't get what he desires most -- sex. So, the woman is happy and content and the man's sexual self-esteem drops, having another woman in his life who doesn't value him as a real man -- a sexual partner -- but rather as a shopping buddy. To her, you're a female with a penis Read that again -- a female with a penis -- One of the gals. Your penis is just a technicality from being a "gossip girl", just like her. Before you know it, you'll both be singing Shania Twain songs together in the car on the freeway.
Reality check -- this is what a female friend views you as -- one of the girls. I was once a lonely, sexless man myself -- it's true. I used to have plenty of women "friends" who'd always come to me with their problems with real men -- men who'd drive them crazy with their unpredictability, and their ability to excite them. These women would salivate at the prospect of these badass guys calling or coming over -- they never knew what they'd do, or when they'd do it. They'd always say (and I'm sure this sounds familiar to alot of you), that "Oh (insert your name here), I wish I could find someone like you", but you'll notice that they don't want anything to do with you, romantically. This is because you are boring -- a friend. You're not exciting. You're a chump. You're the guy she runs to when a real man causes her problems. And this is because you've allowed yourself to be relegated to this role in her life.
Women don't "need" sex. Sorry, they don't. Not like men. They'd much rather have a stable of emotionally available men with whom they don't give their bodies but still have emotional availability from, and do you blame them? Biologically, women need to be choosy about their mates -- a single sexual encounter could result in an 18-year legal commitment.
So why not have female friends? Because, they can't offer a man anything in terms of emotional support or real companiopnship (unless it's a girlfriend, of course). Yes, I said it. Don't pound your head into the keyboard or start calling me a misogynist. But if you do, it's your loss and your massive ignorance.
1) Women don't help you get laid -- A long standing excuse for female/male friendships is that we can help each other "understand" what makes the other side tick, and it can lead to better understanding of different dating and relationship dynamics. Wrong. This couldn't be further from the truth. Since time immemorial, women have been notorious for saying they're attracted to one thing, and then ending up with something completely different. Read that sentence again, it's very important.This is, in some ways a human trait in general, but women embody it far more than men due to their volatile emotional nature. Another basic rule of useful advice is that the "giver" or advice has been in the situation they're giving advice for. So, has a woman ever dealt with another woman in a relationship sense? Does she really know what it's like, or what makes her tick? No, absolutely not. Unless she is a lesbian, of course. In this case, there is an exception. Otherwise, women are absolutely worthless to get advice from in the realm of dating. Stick to close male friends. Their advice and support is invaluable -- they've been there -- they know exactly how to help you.
2) You probably want to f*** her, or she DEFINITELY wants to f*** you -- A widespread theory in relationship psychology states that male/female friendships are only held together by an underlying sexual tension. This meaning that one side wants "more" from the friendship on either a conscious or sub-conscious level than the other. This could be a crush, an infatuation, etc. This is very clear and plain to see when a man has an attractive female friend (like alot of you probably do). You're so quietly desperate to have sex with her that you come off as A WORMY, needy douchebag. Believe it. Othertimes, this effect is much more subtle and neither side is willing to acknowledge it.
3) Women really care about themselves only -- When's the last time a female friend bailed you out of jail at 4 am? When's the last time a female friend had your back in a fight? When's the last time a female friend gave you some ass because it had "been awhile"? Never, that's when. Dumbass. Wake up.
4) Having female friends turns you into an overly sensitive p***y (who other men don't respect or like)-- Yep, plain and simple. Alot of you here REEK of this trait, overtly defending female stupidity at every turn. Nothing beats the kamikaze, crazy spirit of a group of strong-willed male friends in your life. If you hang around women too much, you're likely to start writing bad poetry, wearing sandals, and gaining more female friends (all the while masturbating with your own tears as lubrication when they're not around). It gets you into a social pattern. That pattern? Having women as "friends", not lovers. Wonder why you can't get laid? It's because every attractive woman in your life ends up as your shopping buddy, idiot. Get out of the pattern of female friends, find a good group of men to hang out with, and watch how much more attractive you are to women. Women want a man WHO seems like a man, not a feminized girly-boy who has no confidence around them.
None of this means I don't "like" women. It just means I choose to have women in my life in a capacity of romance -- and I appreciate and love them in that role. I also DO in fact have one close female friend, which I don't think is detrimental to men, as long as they have plenty of male support in their lives. Men can offer things to other men in friendship that are simply unmatched -- lifelong loyalty, dating advice, a swift and logical kick in the ass when you need it -- that female friends can't. All without the desperation. So if you're a guy who values alot of women as friends, I have three words or advice -- grow some balls.
Kittens and sunshine,