5 "Painless" Ways to Pay for Gears 2:

by on

$60.00 is a lot of money, and we're in a time of economic crisis. Here's some ways you can make your money stretch:

•1) Withdraw your money from the bank:

The money in your bank is currently being eaten by the Monster of Corporate Greed.

Ronald McDonald

Not pictured: your money.

Liberate it! With the way things are going, you have a greater chance of a Game Over flashing across the screen of your favorite MMO than you do of having a bank tomorrow. Are you happy about your bleeding rectum? The economy is.

Tip: Keep the remainder of your cash inside your old N-Gage container, and flush the actual insides down the pooper. If you don't own an N-Gage, DO NOT buy one to accommodate this guide.

•2) Withdraw your kids from school, auction them off at a silent auction... for the "needy"

Some people would consider this unethical, or even "illegal," but let's not split heads here. They're "your" kids (this requirement is even optional, you could use anyone's kids, honestly), what right do people have to judge, when worse things are happening to children all around us?

Tip: Call your auction an "open adoption," and dress "your" kids in Cosplay outfits.

Cosplay Babies

•3) Invest your money against the US Dollar:

This one is self-explanatory. Pesos > Dollars in the near future. This strategy is practically bottling the worlds hurts and drinking from it every time you check your account information, and it's delicious.

Fable Evil

+10

•4) Bring your virtual empire to real life:

This can apply to oh so many games, here is a small list (with applications):

-Civilization 4

Ravaging your enemies can be quite lucrative, this includes brute force and arson.

-Bully

We're gamers, but we have muscles now, get them back at your next reunion, turn the tables.

-Hitman: Blood Money

Self-explanatory. Piano strings are my favorite.

-Drug Wars

Come on now, I don't have to spell it out (lucky me: m-e-t-h-a-m-f-e-t-a-m-e-e-n-s)

Tip: I recommend against Zoo Tycoon.

Zoo Tycoon Poop

•5) Always, always be inventive:

Through this tip, you could turn poverty into riches with the most random occurence.

Don't forget to always think: "what in this world is causing me pain, and who is to blame?" If the entity to blame has not clams, find someone with clams, and blame them.

Remember: Keep your eye on the prize.

/drool

Undersquig: An Ethical Case for Warhammer Online

by on

The feud between the World of Warcraft and Warhammer Online pervades every gaming media outlet I know of. Flame wars erupt on public chat in both games, people claim they have "seen the light" or have just "seen through all the bs." To me, it feels like a college rivalry, where either side might defend to the end that theirs is in fact superior, regardless of fact or popular opinion.

I decided not to frame my opinion as a review for the time being, mostly because several hundred people have beaten me to it, but also because I believe the quality of WAR's gameplay speaks for itself, and WAR has recently been declared the Fastest selling MMO of all time. It came as a surprise to me how much I enjoyed WAR, and how unexpectedly engaging and immersive it was. It should be noted that I'm writing this as a newly christened WAR fan. I did not follow WAR closely from the initial announcement, I was never into the miniatures or any previous games, and I've played Warcraft off and on since launch. So the change in my favorite MMO came against my predisposition.

The Beta videos and original trailer didn't really excite me about the game at all, if anything they made me even more sure that the game was overrated. What did get me excited was reading interviews of Mark Jacobs and the other Mythic people involved with the project. It occurred to me while reading these interviews: Blizzard is the establishment. I had to wrestle with this in my mind, because playing Warcraft, I had always thought of myself as a rebel gamer, on the fringe of the new and the cool. The other ten million subscribers just happened to be other people that enjoyed the game, they weren't a flock, they couldn't be. This view is pretty commonly held by long-time WoW players, because that's closer to how it used to be, when WoW first came out, and we entertained the illusion for just a few years too long.

Warhammer is very different in this respect. Sure, EA is huge, but the size of Activision has nothing to do with Warcraft in peoples' minds. And yes, Mythic has had mixed success in the MMORPG genre, but compared to the "800-ton Gorilla" that Blizzard has created, the success of Dark Age of Camelot seems paltry. Warhammer has really been the underdog MMO. Age of Conan was the game to watch for, and Warcraft has been the reigning King. What convinced me to move on was the heart and soul of Mythic. They respect and listen to their player base, they aren't worried about creating a flashy game so much as creating a game that actually works. I was sure that Funcom had learned from Anarchy Online, and I was wrong. History repeats itself, and Mythic once again creates a solid and fun-to-play game.

Looking forward, there is one huge reason why I am in full support of Mythic and Warhammer Online. Mark Jacobs explained it in his interviews with Gamespot, and I think MMO players should get excited about it. It's the fact that Mythic will redefine the MMO, and not with Warhammer. Based on the financial attitude of Mythic-not only their humility, but their habit of banking after successes-and the fact that they are interested in creating a Sci-Fi, or Horror, or some other Massively Multiplayer game that reshapes how we view MMOs in general, I think we can predict that they'll use the money we're giving them for Warhammer. And they'll do something big with it. It soothes my soul (yes, like Chicken Soup) to think that not only can I enjoy a game like Warhammer with my $50 + $13/month, but I am investing in the future of online gaming, and I'm pretty excited about it.