Top 5 Game Antagonists- minus the obvious

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Great narratives often involve great villains. In the video game world, it is our job to defeat these champions of evil before they carry out their diabolical plans. From powerful moguls of industry, to robots with a few screws loose, the video game villains' styles and stories are as varied as they are compelling. And if it weren't for the bad guys, the good guys wouldn't be nearly as interesting. With all this considered, I give you my top 5 list of the most memorable, villainous, and inspiring baddies in video game history which arn't Wesker, Sephiroth, Virgil or Liquid Snake. Would you kindly enjoy?

5. Gary from Bully.

Gary is a chimera breed of student; a cross between a hardcore chav and a genius. He also is a sociopath and confesses to having ADD, which isn't really relevant at all unless all ADD sufferers are giant knobs. Gary spends the first few chapters of the game trying to befriend Jimmy, but quickly bores of his kid-like shenanigans. As a result, he ditches Jimmy and starts pitting every school clique against him to try and (one presumes, as this is a game made by Rockstar) kill him. This plan quickly fails because you cant have child murders in a game

4. Kratos from God of War.

Kratos is an angry, homoerotic Spartan as evidenced by his shirtless-ness and greased up muscles. He is happy for about ten minutes in the whole game series but then seeks to destroy the Gods of Greece because apparently they forced him to kill his family for Divine jokes. He is angry and killing God's is what raging lunatics in Ancient Greece did after all. So with the aid of massive swords permanently attached to Kratos's arms – because that's a very practical way of not losing them – he goes around slashing anything that breathes in order to redeem his previous murders… did I mention he's really angry?

3. Miles Edgeworth from Phoenix Wright.

Miles Edgeworth is, apparently, the best prosecutor in America as evidenced by the fact he has never ever lost a trial since he was 18 years old… ever. This totally believable back story makes him a terrifying enemy against first-time Attorney Phoenix. He also goes against prosecution laws by pulling un-seen evidence out of his butt at every opportunity, but no one really seems to care. His butler shirts, well groomed hair, deep voice and general suave demeanour also raises the very important question: Is he gay or just European? We may never know.

2. Lieutenant Blake from Heavy Rain.

A fantastic example of a real douche-bag, Blake's role in the game is to annoy the hell out of Norman Jayden. This raving madcap spends his time mentally abusing unstable religious psycho's, letting FBI agents get beat up for the hell of it, violently torturing fathers who love their sons and generally obstructing any progression to finding the real villain of the game. His goatee, leather gloves and trench coat only add to the douche-bag-look whilst also hinting that he is into BDSM in the bedroom.

1. GLaDOS from Portal.

Sometimes, hiding your true colours and pretending to be the protagonist's best friend can have amazing results if you're the enemy. GLaDOS, unfortunately, blunderingly fails at employing this technique, making her secret desire to kill test subjects at every possibly turn blatantly obvious. Telling you to walk in front of machine guns and turrets may not be the best way to disguise ones evilness, but one has to let it slide because she is just a robot after all.

E3 Predictions

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There's only 4 days remaining until the big gaming giants Sony, Nintendo and Microsoft make their press conference speeches at E3 2008 and, to show my appreciation for this period, I've compiled a list of predictions of what we might find this year!

So, cynicism aside (or not), here's what I expect/believe/wish to be announced at this years event:

Nintendo

  • Kid Icarus trailer is shown and will be playable on the floor. Release date to be early 2009 (that's late 2010 for us Europeans) Mario and Zelda will take a break this year.
  • Animal Crossing Online for the Wii is announced but is not playable. Another 2009 release date.
  • Voice chat is announced (...I joke, I joke. Sorry, I'll be serious)
  • Nintendo resolves the data storage issues of the Wii (haha...sorry, I couldn't resist)
  • In conclusion- more waggle for your wii-mote and another lecture of how they conquered the casuals.

Sony

  • Team Ico show a very short teaser for their next game. Release date TBA
  • God of War 3 is displayed in its full HD perfection and lots of scarlet blood splatters the screen to reveal a 2009 release date.
  • The PSP gets some PS3 spin offs like Resistance and Uncharted.
  • In conclusion, Sony attempts to step up to the mark and reveals some exclusives for their systems. No price cuts and not much focus on statistics as they seem to lack many to flaunt...

Microsoft

  • Alan Wake finally gets some attention and another trailer is shown. Release date either to be 2010 or TBA.
  • Gears of war 2, Fable 2 and Bioshock 2 are re/announced and trailers are shown. Fable 2 and Gears 2 will be playable on the show floor. Release dates will be 2009 for all three
  • Microsoft reveals 'new, 'innovative' motion sensing technology for the xbox 360.
  • In conclusion - not a lot of new content for the 360, but a lot of statistic throwing and a talk on how this year they will 'conquer Japan'(like how they've been saying since 2001

Why I Hate Employment Agencies

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I really dislike recruitment agencies. The so called "consultants" are usually rude, arrogant and salesey. They are only interested in getting you in to register with them, they then promise you the world and you don't hear from them again, unless they want to flog you some job they can't get anyone else to do and think you will go for it because you are desperate or don't have 5 years plus experience in the particular field you are interested in. They will hardly ever put you forward for permanent work because they make more money out of you if you are just temping via them. They lie to you about the jobs and what they involve, making rubbish jobs sound like they are more high profile than they really are and they even lie about the salary / hourly rate you will get, if they think it will get you to say "Yes, please send my CV to that company!". Their philosophy is: "Get them to agree to it and worry about the details later!"

My experience of recruitment agencies has been a very dissapoiting one. I have been lied to, treated as if I were an idiot, pushed around, patronized, insulted and told off for calling or emailiing them every once in a while to ask if they actually have anything for me! Today I was even told by one of these "high-flyers" to "not call" her or "email" her please "about jobs that are not relevant" (i.e. I had applied for a job she felt was too senior for me) as this was wasting her time and she was very busy! How rude. She even had the audacity to leave this message on my work voicemail!!! And she was from one of the biggest agencies...

Please feel free to share any bad experienecs you have had with recruitment agencies, as it would be really 'therapeutic' to hear from fellow 'sufferers'. :-)

I Can't Believe He's Still Single!!!!

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Being unemployed and on summer holidays, i have an incredible amount of spare time on my hands. I've now got a horrible method of filling this spare time with looking at desperate dating ads in the paper. You know the "single, 52, looking for a woman younger than me to aid in my mid-life crisis" type ads and i found one which um, was interesting to say the least.

Looking for a princess who is also an exhibitionist and submissive. I am 45 yrs old, 6'4" and 230lbs. I would like to meet a woman/women smaller and younger than me. By that I mean 40 or younger, 4'9" to 6'0" slender to ample. Positive & happy with themselves. Looking for a lady who does not mind leaving the lady at the door, as the sub enters. They can be shy and yet kinky or bold as can be and kinky. Involved or interested in Bondage, Blindfolds, Clamps, Candle Wax, Chains, Collar and or Lead/Leash, Oral, Pain, Role Playing, Spanking, Talking Dirty, Whips and being naughty in public. I am a voyeur who enjoys watching men and women jockeying for a better position to see what they saw or thought they saw.

Domination of a submissive does not include getting you into my 3 bedroom 2 bath 1 dungeon home two hours after we meet for the first time over coffee. Thats a gift you must earn. To earn a trip into the dungeon, you must open your mind. Your picture gets mine, as well as cam, after we have chatted and both are interested.

....whoever that princess was, who was permitted entrance to his 3 bedroom 2 bathroom 1 dungeon home, is a lucky lucky girl. Wow, just wow.

Burst sewage pipe :(

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So i came back to Uni after an endurance test of a holiday (parents, tsk) to find that my room smells and the floor is drenched with brown muck.

...I want to cry...

But i cant waste time on over sensative emotions! I have a landlord to call!

(and this provides the perfect excuse to get an extension on my 3 essays due in next week! YESSS!!)

Wanted: Arch Nemesis. Hobbies must include 'world domination' and 'long walks.'

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A conversation with my housemate cast my mind back a couple of years to the days where i had an arch nemisis, or nemisi.

And when I say 'nemisis' i mean someone who I knew hated me back, not some stranger who had no clue i disliked them.

If you have never had a nemisis before, you are missing out on a very special and unique emotional experience. The feeling of spite is something nearly exotic, exquisit and (most important) addicting. Its like love, but more fun: no longer must you watch what you say and do. The more outrageous your pokings are, the better the consequences.

Ever hear that you caused, with little effort, someone to have what could only be called a nervous breakdown? Ever read an angry email from someone that was so unhinged and out of touch with reality that you could only smile and say to yourself "I did this?" That's real nemesising right there.

It's a well known fact that the best Nemisi are produced in the same factory beneath a vulcano. All are brilliant minded, but twisted- a nemisis cannot be an idiot. They all have the ability to accomplish great things but seem to use their gift for their demented ends. Someone like Lord Voldemort, Darth Vadar and EA. I guess the fun of a nemisis is trying to outwit these brilliant people with nothing but your own average wit.

I've only had two nemisi. Both happened during my last years in Secondary school, just before moving to 6th form college. I Haven't had a new nemesis since. I guess an all girls private school is a setting that is conducive for such spiteful relationships and once you leave it's hard to keep up that same level of antagonism. You just don't have the time or resources to devote to properly smiting to your nemesis. But faking being someones nemesis is just like faking an orgasm...it degrades the whole experience for everyone and I'd rather not bother....

How to defeat approaching Valentines Day (for us single folk)

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10 days remain until the holiday i dread the most- mainly because this will be the fourth Valentines day in a row where i have been boyfriend-less. No doubt I, like many other single girls out there, will end up curled on the sofa, eating a pot of ice-cream whilst watching a soppy love film (i've chosen Phantom of the Opera this year). BUT, to make myself feel better ,i have come up with a list of ways to battle the feelings of lonliness which are gradually increasing as the days go by. Whether this will actually be theraputic for me and for others remains to be seen (im presuming, it wont be), but it is a distraction from doing my Latin homework, so here goes.

Five ways to combat Valentines Day

1) Do not define yourself by your relationship status! Your relationship status is not your identity.

2) Remind yourself that V-Day is a commercial holiday. Look at how much money your saving being single!

3) Plan in advance to do something which will keep you out of the way of cooing couples.

4) Remember- some of the greatest minds of the world never married. Don't let a couple driven society make you feel bad!

5) Affirm your single status by rubbing your freedom in the faces of those tied down to having to take their partners to a fancy resturant. Be creative with this! The possibilities are endless.

Yeah..short and not very good i know. I'll keep my fingers crossed for a fairytale-like meeting with a decent guy during the next 10 days but dont be suprised if my next blog is a review of the Phantom...

xxx

10 things to do online on Christmas Day

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Just incase you find yourself at loose ends with only a laptop and interet connection on the beautiful day. Here are 10 things you can do to pass the time on the internet, instead of trying to roll your still heavily drunken uncle out of your house

1.) Find as many ways to watch the Queens Speech as possible

Because this year its on BBC1, ITV, Sky HD and BBC HD not to forget it will be a podcast this year and no doubt will hit Youtube in a matter of minutes after its over.

2.) Watch the Great Escape online

Because you watch it every Christmas Day, but for some reason this year it was on Christmas Eve and you forgot about it!

3.) Add Christmas decorations to your blog!

Go on! You know you can't resist adding some green and red sparkly animations to your page.

4.) Update your blog

Remember, everyone wants to know how many sprouts you ate, how smashed you got and about how your family is just like the Platt's from Coronation Street. And if you don't have a blog to update...

5.) Start a blog.

Just because you can, and it will be the worst thing you ever wrote!

6.) Use the Internet movie database to make a list for charades.

Because you know that sometime between the Queens Speech and Eastenders someone is going to want to play this low-tech favourite so you may as well prepare for it.

7.) Start planning next years collection of USB gadgets

Because you can never start too soon to overload your computer with useless tat.

8.) Start Ebay auctions for all those unwanted gifts

Hey, you might as well make a profit. Just make sure not to start whilst the person who gave you the gift is in the same room.

9.) Visit your favourite forums and make a christmas themed thread

Because you must never forget about your friends who, according to Philosophy, don't really exist until you actually meet them.

10.) Update your Gamespot wish list/now playing list/collection list

because i know your not still playing RE:Outbreak.

Merry Xmas everyone!

Driving Test #2 = FAILED

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So...I failed my practicle for the second time and i feel a bit rubbish to be perfectly honest! I think it says something when you have been driving around confidently for just under a year (with L plates of course)and yet still manage to fail a simple test with flying colours just because you encounter a round-about.

Mani hate roundabouts- to be more precise, i hate the massive junction roundabouts where you have traffic going about you at 60 mph whilst trying to listen to the examiner say "take the second exit, leading to Borham Wood A1 Route" followed swiftly by you trying to decide which lane out of the 5 options you should take. Its really too much to take in when your under so much pressure!!!

What peeves me off even more is the fact that i did swell on everything else. I EVEN managed to do a reverse bay park to the right which i had NEVER done before (i always practised to the left). Not to mention i was checking my blind spot and mirrors so often my neck actually froze near the end of the test. She even said all my driving was perfect (she showed me all the nice ticks and stuff) but all was lost due to stupid Apex Corner (the name of the deadly junction) where i accidently got in the wrong lane, so i swiftly changed into the right lane which made me appear as though i lacked lane disipline...naturally when i heard the news that i failed i had a good cry because i havesuddenly become very sensative since exam results- even though i passed with good grades. I think the examiner thought i was a bit insane at this point (and slightly glad that she failed me) so she quickly left.

Ah well, third time lucky eh? Another £50 will go into DSA's pocket next week and hopefully (ater spending a hopping £150) i will pass. It better be worth it- i promised my buddies i would drive them all to Thorpe Park. Eeek!

Ben Ellis Hits the West End

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A few months ago, Any Dream Will Do hit British TV's- the campest show ever! Hosted by Graham Norton (the campest man ever), the show was desighned to find the next Joseph for Webbers musical.

The winner of that show was Lee Mead, and has (thankfully) recieved loads of praise from the critics and has generated £15million ticket advance which is great for the producers, but depressing for the quality of culture in the west end...

Lee Mead beat twelve other hopefuls to the spot, one of them being the young, energetic and charismatic Ben Ellis who's vocal ability let him down in the show. He did however, manage to get to the semi-finals with the help of John Barrowman and the Lord himself, befor Webber decided to send him packing when he had to choose between Blondie and Benny.

However, Ben will be making his debut professional appearance in Hairspraycome October. He will play the role of Link Larkin- the sexy dancer which every girl fancies and i must say...its the perfect part for Ellis, who's charm and dancing can make any girl swoon over him like crazy!

Hairspray is expected to be a huge and successful production, especially with the movie weilding the name like a shining beacon! Come October, many Brits are expected to check out the live version just to make a comparison with the film. Lets keep our fingers crossed that Hairspray ends up better then Joseph!

On a side note, Blondie (Lewis) will be playing Joseph for one night per week, and Keith Jack- the scottish one- has been offered a record deal by Louis Walsh, which ALSO reminds me tht the X Factor will start tonight! Whoop!

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