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Paper Mario's Partners: I'm Bored

It's been a while since I've posted anything of substance in this blog (hell, it's been a while since I posted in it, period), so I'm going to go ahead and riff on the partners of the Paper Mario games and rank them.

This should be pretty obvious, but spoilers for the Paper Mario games are imminent.

PAPER MARIO (N64)

GOOMBARIO

I have a strange need to have Goombario Tattle everything when I play Paper Mario. Sometimes he says funny and/or helpful things, and no way I'm missing out on that optional text. In battle, he's essentially Mario's Jump, with the addition of Tattle. Charge is only useful against enemies with defense stats of more than 0 and enemies that are temporarily invulnerable to Goombario (Like a charging Electro Blooper, for example). Tattle allows you to see enemy HP, which is an excellent ability that doesn't waste your BP (like Peekaboo). Overall, he's a solid partner choice, although he loses his usefulness in the lategame because of all the enemies with spikes or high Defense. B.

KOOPER

Kooper's a cool enough character, and he can be useful in a pinch with Power Shell, but he's rather weak on the whole and gains no protection from his shell. Not a very good partner, honestly. C.

BOMBETTE

One of the best partners. Bombette's Bomb is a great way to take out groups of enemies, and she was born to kill Dry Bones (That sucker takes 17 damage from her explosion). Her downside is that she's a total FP sucker and her non-FP using attack is average at best. Still, she's an excellent partner choice. A.

PARAKARRY

Shell Shot is a superb attack that can hit pretty much anything. Parakarry is also your first partner with the ability to hit enemies on the ceiling, and his letter-delivering ability makes for some neat sidequests. On the bad side of things, his Air Lift attack is rather useless and his basic kicking attack lacks power. A pretty good partner overall. B.

BOW

My favorite partner. Bow has great character design and personality, and she's strong in battle. She can do 4 damage without any upgrades, and 5 when she's been upgraded once. That outmuscles any other partner at those levels. Fan Smack is a superb power move and Outta Sight will save your ass against Super Blooper, Huff N. Puff, and of course Tubba Blubba's Heart. On top of that, use Bow to fight Duplighosts. If Mario's wearing the Defend Plus badge, the copied Duplighosts will be totally harmless. Her downside is that she can't do much to enemies with a Defense of 1 and she's pretty much useless if their Defense is any higher than that. Keep her out when you're traveling in areas with low-defense enemies and she'll serve you well. A.

WATT

Our little spark thing here seems weak at first blush but is actually the strongest partner in the game. No matter how much defense your enemies are packing, Watt can pierce it for a constant 5 damage each turn. He's got other attacks, but his main one is all you need: Any enemy with 3 defense or more takes more damage from Watt than any other partner. Watt will be a valuable ally against well-armored foes like Bombshell Bill Blasters, Bowser, and the dreaded Kent C. Koopa. A+.

SUSHIE

Okay, so Sushie kicks the crap out of fire enemies. That's great. How many fire enemies are there in this game? 4? Sushie's about as average as a partner gets when there aren't any fireballs for her to squirt water at. C-.

LAKILSTER

This guy is pretty lame. I don't really like his design or his character, but I have to admit that having a low-FP-cost, hits-all-enemies attack can be useful, especially against Huff N. Puff. He's also a good fighter against the Crystal King. And Mario moves faster when riding on his cloud; that's a neat bonus. On the bad side of things, his standard attack is pretty bleh. At least he can hit enemies on fire and enemies with spikes. C+.

PAPER MARIO: THE THOUSAND-YEAR DOOR

GOOMBELLA

Behold Goombario's spiritual successor. She's smarter and a bit better designed, but she's pretty much the same... except for Rally Wink. This super-useful move lets Mario take Goombella's turn so he can go twice, allowing extra damage, or maybe using an item and then throwing in an attack. Plus, since her Headbonk hits twice, Power Plus P badges raise its power by 2. A strong overall partner. A.

KOOPS

Kooper was a better character than Koops, a pathetic wuss. Koops does have a big advantage battlewise, though: He actually takes less damage from enemies thanks to his shell. However, he can get flipped by enemies with jumping attacks. Overall, he's pretty meh compared to your other partner options. B-.

FLURRIE

Ugh. Her personality is creepy and, of course, she's ugly as hell. Flurrie's only real redeeming characteristic is her ability to hit enemies on the ceiling, and after you get the much better Vivian, Flurrie no longer has any advantages. Lip Lock is an OK strategy against Bonetail, sure, but I've beaten that dope twice and I ignored Flurrie both times. As for the main game itself, I've gone through the entire game three times and I've used Flurrie in maybe two fights. D.

YOSHI

He specializes in hitting enemies a whole bunch of times for a high overall total. So, he's like Bow, except not nearly as cool. His other ability is Gulp, a defense-piercing move you're actually forced to use in order to proceed in the game. He's pretty meh, and I never bothered using him, but I know he has his fans. B.

VIVIAN

One of the better partners. She (or maybe he - it's an ongoing controversy) inerits Bow's Outta Sight ability, both for field and battle purposes. She's also got a couple of nice attacks that burn enemies for extra damage. And to top it all off, she can attack pretty much anyone onscreen. One of my favorite partners. A.

BOBBERY

This guy is awesome. Cool design, great personality, and fantastic battle ability. He has more HP than any other partner and his bomb attack is among the strongest partner moves. He can flip over those annoying Moon Clefts and he's a perfect choice to kill the Shadow Queen. Pair him with Vivian and Quick Change: Vivian burns an enemy, and Bobbery pops out next turn and explodes for the maximum damage possible each turn. Goombella, Vivian, and Bobbery are far and away this game's best partners. A+.

MS. MOWZ

She's a weirdo side partner with abilities and attacks that aren't needed but are useful. She can sniff out treasure and hidden items - a must for completists. In addition, she can swipe those cool badges and items you see enemies holding occasionally. Lastly, if you're feeling lucky she might be able to confuse your foes, and her Love Slap attack pierces Defense, making her a good choice to fight Chain Chomps, Elite Wizzerds, and Moon Clefts. I'd like her even more if, instead of a mouse, the optional item-stealing, item-finding partner was a Bandit, but you can't have it all. B+.

Super Paper Mario looks like it's going to have pretty lame partners. They're called Pixls, and they allow for you to do various things with the Wiimote. They're all just abstract-looking little fairies, though, nothing at all like the partners of the first two games. However, being able to play as Peach and Bowser in the main game is a nice consolation prize. 

NOTE: My opinions aren't your opinions. Just figured I'd mention that in case a Flurrie or Sushie fan reads this.

*glances at rank*

Phoenix Down? Oh, hey, how hilarious. 'Cause I've been playing Final Fantasy lately, so... Phoenix Down. I can now revive a KO'd ally! Isn't that nice. I could bring my Uncle Sherm back to life, if I wanted. 'Cause I'm a Phoenix Down.

It's a funny coincidence. Har har har. Who'da thunk it?

lol rofl lmao *shot*

Quick, go buy some games, you spoony bard!

Been playing FF4 on my DS. "YOU SPOONY BARD!" has to be the best mistranslation ever. CATS has nothin' on Tellah. The game itself is pretty good, but I'm still liking FF1's GBA remake more.

What would I do with 599 US dollars? Buy a PS3? No. Buy a Wii? Not yet. 360, maybe? Also negative. I will be buying the Wii this generation, but not until Super Smash Brothers Brawl and Super Paper Mario are both out for it. When the Wii releases, the only game I'd be interested in picking up is ExciteTruck, and it doesn't seem worth 300 dollars. YOU SPOONY BARD.

Instead, I went shopping yesterday and picked up a load of games for a steal. If you have a PS2, X-Box, GameCube, DS, or GBA and haven't yet been able to upgrade, don't worry. It's impossible to get all the good stuff for a system the first time around, and there's never a better time to buy games then BEFORE the new systems release!

Take note, bargain-hunters (and spoony bards):

* I bought Bomberman Jetters, Lego Star Wars, and Donkey Kong Jungle Beat for 15 dollars each. That's 35 bucks less than the usual price (although I think Bomberman released as a 20-dollar budget title).

* I also found Bomberman DS for 14 dollars and Dig Dug: Digging Strike for FIVE dollars. I don't care if these games are mediocre; at 5 bucks I'd try amost anything!

* Do you like RPGs? Do you like the GBA and the DS? Square's releasing one quest after another on the little buggers, and if you can get past the vomit-inducing offical art for some of the Final Fantasy games, you'll find some quality stuff, especially if you (like me) missed out on all these ports the first time around. Here are just a few of 'em:

-Final Fantasy 1 and 2: Dawn of Souls (GBA) - Yay, Black Mage and White Mage!

-Final Fantasy 3 (DS) - After the awful characters of FF2, we go back to cute little duffers for the third installment. I'm glad.

-Final Fantasy 4 Advance (GBA) - YOU SPOONY BARD

-Final Fantasy 5 Advance (GBA) - I got nothin', sorry

-Final Fantasy 6 Advance (GBA) - Don't play with the octopus, kids!

-Children of Mana (DS) - EVIL HAS POISONED THE MANA TREE?!

And for you fellas with a PSP, there's a Valkrie... or Valkery.. or whatever Profile game out, so Square's kinda-sorta thinking about you... >.> So if you spoony bards ever wanted to play the entire 2D FF series start to finish, the DS is your system (And GBA, if you leave out FF3)

* GBA double-packs are popping up everywhere all of a sudden, providing a perfect oppurtunity to score two games for the price of one. You may already know of the Castlevania 2-pack, but how about the Sonic Advance 2-pack? It's got Sonic Advance and Sonic Pinball Party together for 30 bucks. I'll take that! Oh, and there's a Hot Wheels GBA 2-Pack, but I don't think that one's very exciting. What spoony bard greenlit that idea? >.>

* Okay, I'm starting to sound like a Circuit City flyer (with spoony bards). Sorry.

My point is, if you're low on cash but still crave games, go check out the nearest game store NOW, before the PS3 and Wii shove the GameCube, X-Box, and GBA into Dead System Hell. This oppurtunity only comes around once every five years. Take advantage!

Oh, and you (spoony bard) should always keep an eye out for used games. I got eight N64 games today for only 5 bucks each, and they're almost all tried-and-true classics, like Banjo-Kazooie, Mario Party, and my favorite game, Paper Mario.

...YOU SPOONY BARD!

What do you like to play?

POKEYMAN?!

I'm still addicted to this stuff. It's incredible how Pokemon can suck you in.

First of all, I've finally tried out that all-fired "EV Training" after watching in horror as my team of 00bers (Groudon, Kyogre, Mewtwo, Rayquaza, Ho-Oh, Articuno) fell apart to a Latios that MUST have been holding a Soul Dew, in Colosseum, one after another. So I'm EV training a Metagross named Armageddon to kick that stupid bird's ass. He's getting max Attack so he can shove a STAB Meteor Mash down that sucker's throat. Stupid Latios.

Besides that, my NB team has gone under major revision since I last posted it here. Here's the latest:

BOO-DIDDLY THE GENGAR

Item: Lum Berry

Ice Punch

Thunderbolt

Taunt

Giga Drain

Hi there, unsuspecting Salamence. Gengar ain't afraid of you, boy. Oh, look, it's Swampert. Howdy. Eat a 240 base power HP-restoring attack. And there's that smartass Blissey, looking to wall my team with T-Wave, Softboiled, Seismic Toss, and Aromatherapy. Come out against Lapras and kill it. I send out Gengar and BOOM, Taunted. Blissey be screwed.

ARMSTRONG THE HERACROSS

Item: Leftovers

Brick Break

Megahorn

Earthquake

Rock Slide

Heracross hasn't changed much since I last posted the team here. His held item's changed, sure, and he's now tweaked for Speed instead of HP, but all in all he kicks just as much ass as before.

NESSIE THE LAPRAS

Item: Leftovers

Surf

Ice Beam

Psychic

Thunderbolt

For a while, Nessie's moveset was different, but it's now the same as it was two months ago when I first told you about it. Her EVs are tweaked for HP and Special Defense. If one of my other guys has weakened a Zapdos for her, she can come out against it and take it down with an Ice Beam or two. Nessie's able to take 2 or 3 Thunderbolts before dying.

GIOVANNA THE GARDEVOIR

Item: Petaya Berry

Psychic

Thunderbolt

Snatch

Destiny Bond

Destiny Bond is my best shot at killing the dastardly Tyranitar and Snorlax. Works well most of the time. Giovanna once Snatched four, count 'em, FOUR Calm Minds from some stupid Blissey and proceeded to wipe out half the other guy's team before going under. And when she left, she DB'd to take down ANOTHER guy. So, yeah, it's still Gardy and she's still strangely erotic.

IRON MAN THE REGISTEEL

Item: Leftovers

Iron Defense

Amnesia

Seismic Toss

Ice Punch

If Iron Man gets his defenses up, nothing will stand in his way (except 404 HP Subs, Roarers, and Blissey). He usually either tanks early on, or he sticks around and whittles down the entire team over the course of a few dozen turns. Hit or miss.

GIANTENEMYCRAB THE KINGLER

Item: Ganlon Berry

Body Slam

Hidden Power Ghost

Rest

Sleep Talk

Nobody expects Kingler, or his weird moveset! Kingler OHKO'd a Gengar on the switch with his Hidden Power once. The only things different about Kingler: His EVs, originally in HP and Attack, now lie in Attack and Defense, and his Hidden Power has shifted from Ground to Ghost so he's not totally helpless against a Gengar or Misdreavus. Like Iron Man, Kingler sometimes is the miracle that saves me, or he's a bit of a nuisance that gets OHKO'd. Depends on if my other guys have managed to kill the special attackers. If there's nobody left but physical sweepers, Kingler usually does quite well.

Annnnd that's the team. Weird, ain't it? Well, I love these guys, and they win for me more often than not, so I'm pleased.

Kingler > You. (Part 2, read Part 1 first)

NOTE: THIS IS PART TWO OF TWO IN A BIG BLOG POST. GO READ THE OTHER ONE FIRST. I'LL WAIT HERE.

When we left off, Tyranitar had just felled my Weezing in a single blow, and Giant EnemyCrab the Kingler was sent out into the Sandstorm to challenge this monster, which some call the toughest non-00ber in the game. What's an UU Pokemon to do?!

The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Tyranitar's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #24
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 295 HP
the great one's Tyranitar: 43% HP

Begin Turn #25
Tyranitar used Rock Slide!
Tyranitar's attack missed!
---------------------------------
Kingler used Hidden Power!
(41% damage)
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Tyranitar's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #25
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 276 HP
the great one's Tyranitar: 8% HP

Begin Turn #26
Tyranitar used Rock Slide!
Tyranitar's attack missed!
---------------------------------
Kingler used Hidden Power!
(8% damage)
It's super effective!
Tyranitar fainted!
the great one sent out Ninjask (Lv.100 Ninjask)!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Ninjask is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #26
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 257 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 37% HP

Begin Turn #27
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Kingler used Body Slam!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Ninjask is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #27
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 238 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 37% HP

Begin Turn #28
Ninjask used Substitute!
Ninjask made a Substitute!
---------------------------------
Kingler used Body Slam!
The Substitute took damage for Ninjask!
Ninjask's Substitute faded!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Ninjask is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #28
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 219 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 12% HP

Begin Turn #29
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Kingler used Body Slam!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Ninjask is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #29
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 200 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 12% HP

Begin Turn #30
Ninjask used Baton Pass!
the great one sent out Suicune (Lv.100 Suicune)!
---------------------------------
Kingler used Body Slam!
(23% damage)
Suicune is paralyzed! It may be unable to move!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #30
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 181 HP
the great one's Suicune: 77% HP (Par)

Begin Turn #31
Kingler used Rest!
Kingler went to sleep!
---------------------------------
Suicune is paralyzed! It can't move!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #31
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 295 HP (Slp)
the great one's Suicune: 77% HP (Par)

Begin Turn #32
Kingler is fast asleep.
Kingler used Sleep Talk!
Kingler used Body Slam!
(21% damage)
---------------------------------
Suicune used Calm Mind!
Suicune's Special Attack rose!
Suicune's Special Defense rose!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #32
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 276 HP (Slp)
the great one's Suicune: 56% HP (Par)

Begin Turn #33
Kingler is fast asleep.
Kingler used Sleep Talk!
Kingler used Rest!
Kingler is already asleep!
---------------------------------
Suicune used Substitute!
Suicune made a Substitute!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #33
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 257 HP (Slp)
the great one's Suicune: 31% HP (Par)

Begin Turn #34
Kingler woke up!
Kingler used Body Slam!
The Substitute took damage for Suicune!
---------------------------------
Suicune used Calm Mind!
Suicune's Special Attack rose!
Suicune's Special Defense rose!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #34
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 238 HP
the great one's Suicune: 31% HP (Par)

Begin Turn #35
Kingler used Body Slam!
The Substitute took damage for Suicune!
Suicune's Substitute faded!
---------------------------------
Suicune used Surf!
(187 damage)
It's not very effective...
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Suicune's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #35
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 32 HP
the great one's Suicune: 31% HP (Par)

Begin Turn #36
Kingler used Body Slam!
(31% damage)
A critical hit!
Suicune fainted!
the great one sent out Ninjask (Lv.100 Ninjask)!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Ninjask is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #36
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 13 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 12% HP

Begin Turn #37
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Kingler used Rest!
Kingler went to sleep!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Ninjask is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #37
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 295 HP (Slp)
the great one's Ninjask: 12% HP

Begin Turn #38
Ninjask used Swords Dance!
Ninjask's Attack sharply rose!
---------------------------------
Kingler is fast asleep.
Kingler used Sleep Talk!
Kingler used Rest!
Kingler is already asleep!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Ninjask is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #38
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 276 HP (Slp)
the great one's Ninjask: 12% HP

Begin Turn #39
Ninjask used Baton Pass!
the great one sent out Metagross (Lv.100 Metagross)!
---------------------------------
Kingler is fast asleep.
Kingler used Sleep Talk!
Kingler used Body Slam!
(15% damage)
It's not very effective...
Metagross is paralyzed! It may be unable to move!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Metagross's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #39
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 257 HP (Slp)
the great one's Metagross: 91% HP (Par)

Begin Turn #40
Kingler woke up!
Kingler used Hidden Power!
(58% damage)
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
Metagross used Earthquake!
(225 damage)
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Metagross's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #40
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 13 HP
the great one's Metagross: 39% HP (Par)

Begin Turn #41
Kingler used Rest!
Kingler went to sleep!
---------------------------------
Metagross used Earthquake!
(225 damage)
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Metagross's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #41
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 70 HP (Slp)
the great one's Metagross: 45% HP (Par)

Begin Turn #42
Kingler is fast asleep.
Kingler used Sleep Talk!
Kingler used Hidden Power!
(46% damage)
It's super effective!
Metagross fainted!
the great one sent out Scizor (Lv.100 Scizor)!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Kingler is buffeted by the sandstorm!
End of turn #42
Gooper Blooper's Kingler: 51 HP (Slp)
the great one's Scizor: 25% HP

Begin Turn #43
Kingler is fast asleep.
---------------------------------
Scizor used Silver Wind!
(51 damage)
Kingler fainted!
Gooper Blooper sent out Giovanna (Lv.100 Gardevoir)!
Gardevoir Traced Scizor's Swarm!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Gardevoir is buffeted by the sandstorm!
End of turn #43
Gooper Blooper's Gardevoir: 260 HP
the great one's Scizor: 25% HP

Begin Turn #44
Gardevoir used Thunderbolt!
(25% damage)
Scizor fainted!
the great one sent out Ninjask (Lv.100 Ninjask)!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Ninjask is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Gardevoir is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #44
Gooper Blooper's Gardevoir: 243 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 12% HP

Begin Turn #45
Ninjask used Swords Dance!
Ninjask's Attack sharply rose!
---------------------------------
Gardevoir used Thunderbolt!
(12% damage)
It's super effective!
Ninjask fainted!

End Battle! Gooper Blooper wins!
Score: 2 to 0
Gooper Blooper: IT'S A MIRACLE!
the great one: I'll beat you next time.
the great one: gg
Gooper Blooper: Nice fight!
Pie & Chips has left.

NetBattle v0.9.6
Log saved 7/3/2006 at 7:01:17 PM

That was neat, wasn't it?!

Kingler > You.

NOTE: THIS IS PART ONE OF TWO OF A REALLY BIG BLOG POST.

Been playing Pokemon Netbattle recently. Netbattle needs a board here at GameSpot/GameFAQs, don'tcha think?

My Netbattle team isn't overly serious (I know it has problems against stuff, but I don't care), but it holds its own surprisingly well, and it's quite good against Baton Pass teams. In fact, the first two Baton Passers I fought gave up midway through the fight.

So I was-HOLY CRAP TEAM

BOO-DIDDLY THE GENGAR - Gengar's my lead-in Pokemon due to his high speed and versatility. He's got Thunderbolt, Fire Punch, Psychic, and Confuse Ray. One of my favorite Pokemon, and he has on occasion sweeped entire teams by himself.

ARMSTRONG THE HERACROSS - Physical sweeper right here. Megahorn, Brick Break, Rock Slide, Earthquake. Rather straightforward.

GIOVANNA THE GARDEVOIR - I like Gardy. She's one of my favorite Ruby/Sapphire Pokemon, and my second favorite Psychic type (I like Wobbuffet more, but not for battling). Gardy's got Psychic, Thunderbolt, Magical Leaf, and Will-O-Wisp.

NESSIE THE LAPRAS - Special Sweeper numero dos. Surf, Ice Beam, Psychic, Thunderbolt. Again, nothing too interesting.

GIANTENEMYCRAB THE KINGLER - Kingler is better than you. Kingler is better than your mother. Kingler is better than sex. And he is, inexplicably, the ultimate Metagross counter. I think it has something to do with the fact that NOBODY uses Kingler, so when GiantEnemyCrab shows up it's so unexpected they really don't know what's gonna happen. He's got Body Slam, Hidden Power Ground, Rest, and Sleep Talk. Kingler's Special Attack sucks but GiantEnemyCrab's Attack is over 380, which I hear is pretty good. His awesomness shall be proven shortly.

NUMBER SIX - My sixth Pokemon isn't really set. I've been trying a number of different ones, including Smog Bros. the Weezing, Psycho Mantis the Scyther, and Stinger the Tentacruel, but none have stuck yet. I'm currently trying Gambler the Dunsparce.

And now, here's the Battle Log showing the best battle I've had on NetBattle so far and the reason Kingler will always be on my team.

Battle Log:
Battle Mode: Ruby/Sapphire
Rule: Sleep Clause
Rule: Freeze Clause
Rule: Battle Timeout
Gooper Blooper vs the great one. Begin!
Gooper Blooper sent out Boo-Diddly (Lv.100 Gengar)!
the great one sent out Ninjask (Lv.100 Ninjask)!

Begin Turn #1
Ninjask used Substitute!
Ninjask made a Substitute!
---------------------------------
Gengar used Fire Punch!
The Substitute took damage for Ninjask!
Ninjask's Substitute faded!
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #1
Gooper Blooper's Gengar: 261 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 81% HP

Begin Turn #2
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Gengar used Fire Punch!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #2
Gooper Blooper's Gengar: 261 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 87% HP

Begin Turn #3
Ninjask used Substitute!
Ninjask made a Substitute!
---------------------------------
Gengar used Fire Punch!
The Substitute took damage for Ninjask!
Ninjask's Substitute faded!
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #3
Gooper Blooper's Gengar: 261 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 69% HP

Begin Turn #4
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Gengar used Thunderbolt!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #4
Gooper Blooper's Gengar: 261 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 75% HP

Begin Turn #5
Ninjask used Substitute!
Ninjask made a Substitute!
---------------------------------
Gengar used Fire Punch!
The Substitute took damage for Ninjask!
Ninjask's Substitute faded!
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #5
Gooper Blooper's Gengar: 261 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 56% HP

Begin Turn #6
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Gengar used Thunderbolt!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #6
Gooper Blooper's Gengar: 261 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 62% HP

Begin Turn #7
Ninjask used Baton Pass!
the great one sent out Salamence (Lv.100 Salamence)!
Salamence's Intimidate cuts Gengar's Attack!
---------------------------------
Gengar used Thunderbolt!
(47% damage)
---------------------------------
Salamence's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #7
Gooper Blooper's Gengar: 261 HP
the great one's Salamence: 59% HP

Begin Turn #8
Salamence used Rock Slide!
Salamence's attack missed!
---------------------------------
Gengar used Confuse Ray!
Salamence became confused!
---------------------------------
Salamence's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #8
Gooper Blooper's Gengar: 261 HP
the great one's Salamence: 65% HP

Begin Turn #9
Salamence is confused!
Salamence used Rock Slide!
(144 damage)
---------------------------------
Gengar used Thunderbolt!
(48% damage)
---------------------------------
Salamence's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #9
Gooper Blooper's Gengar: 117 HP
the great one's Salamence: 23% HP

Begin Turn #10
Salamence is confused!
Salamence used Rock Slide!
(117 damage)
Gengar fainted!
Gooper Blooper sent out Nessie (Lv.100 Lapras)!
---------------------------------
Salamence's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #10
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 401 HP
the great one's Salamence: 29% HP

Begin Turn #11
Salamence snapped out of confusion!
Salamence used Earthquake!
(166 damage)
---------------------------------
Lapras used Ice Beam!
(29% damage)
It's super effective!
Salamence fainted!
the great one sent out Ninjask (Lv.100 Ninjask)!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
Lapras's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #11
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 260 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 68% HP

Begin Turn #12
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Thunderbolt!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
Lapras's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #12
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 285 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 75% HP

Begin Turn #13
Ninjask used Substitute!
Ninjask made a Substitute!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Thunderbolt!
The Substitute took damage for Ninjask!
Ninjask's Substitute faded!
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
Lapras's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #13
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 310 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 56% HP

Begin Turn #14
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Psychic!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
Lapras's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #14
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 335 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 62% HP

Begin Turn #15
Ninjask used Substitute!
Ninjask made a Substitute!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Thunderbolt!
The Substitute took damage for Ninjask!
Ninjask's Substitute faded!
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
Lapras's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #15
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 360 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 43% HP

Begin Turn #16
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Ice Beam!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
Lapras's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #16
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 385 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 49% HP

Begin Turn #17
Ninjask used Substitute!
Ninjask made a Substitute!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Thunderbolt!
The Substitute took damage for Ninjask!
Ninjask's Substitute faded!
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
Lapras's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #17
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 401 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 31% HP

Begin Turn #18
Ninjask used Protect!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Surf!
Ninjask protected itself!
---------------------------------
Ninjask's Speed Boost raised its Speed!
Ninjask's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #18
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 401 HP
the great one's Ninjask: 37% HP
Pie & Chips has started watching.

Begin Turn #19
Ninjask used Baton Pass!
the great one sent out Scizor (Lv.100 Scizor)!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Thunderbolt!
(36% damage)
---------------------------------
End of turn #19
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 401 HP
the great one's Scizor: 64% HP

Begin Turn #20
Scizor used Swords Dance!
Scizor's Attack sharply rose!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Thunderbolt!
(39% damage)
---------------------------------
End of turn #20
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 401 HP
the great one's Scizor: 25% HP

Begin Turn #21
Scizor used Baton Pass!
the great one sent out Tyranitar (Lv.100 Tyranitar)!
Tyranitar's Sand Stream whipped up a sandstorm!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Thunderbolt!
(21% damage)
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Lapras is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Tyranitar's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
Lapras's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #21
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 401 HP
the great one's Tyranitar: 85% HP

Begin Turn #22
Tyranitar used Brick Break!
(370 damage)
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
Lapras used Surf!
(60% damage)
It's super effective!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Lapras is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Tyranitar's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
Lapras's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #22
Gooper Blooper's Lapras: 31 HP
the great one's Tyranitar: 31% HP

Begin Turn #23
Tyranitar used Brick Break!
(31 damage)
A critical hit!
It's super effective!
Lapras fainted!
Gooper Blooper sent out Smog Bros. (Lv.100 Weezing)!
---------------------------------
The sandstorm rages.
Weezing is buffeted by the sandstorm!
Tyranitar's Leftovers restored its HP a little!
End of turn #23
Gooper Blooper's Weezing: 314 HP
the great one's Tyranitar: 37% HP

Begin Turn #24
Tyranitar used Rock Slide!
(314 damage)
A critical hit!
Weezing fainted!
Gooper Blooper sent out GiantEnemyCrab (Lv.100 Kingler)!
---------------------------------

THE SUSPENSE! See Part 2 for more.

So this is a... "blog"... Okay, then. Let's talk Street Fighter.

Okay, blog time. This is my first blog so bear with me. All two of you. It definitely will not be updated on a regular basis because of other things I do, most of them CARA-related.

Yeah, so let's open up the blog by talking about one of my favorite games of all time: Super Street Fighter 2: The New Challengers for the Genesis. For a time, my entire family was into it. My mom even bought those six-button controllers, even though SF2 is our one and only Genesis game that actually uses them in any real fashion. I'm bored, so let's go over all 16 characters and make fun of them.

RYU: Ah, the silent hero and the "face" of Street Fighter. Coined "HADOKEN!". Is it just me, or was fighting Ryu in single-player much harder than everyone else except M. Bison and Sagat?

KEN: Ryu is to Ken as Mario is to Luigi. Ken's a poor man's Ryu, and he was one of those guys I'd always cream without hardly even trying, and it was 12 years ago, when I was FOUR, that I was playing this game for the first time. Ken sucks.

E. HONDA: Excerpt from the manual, roughly: "When E. Honda stepped out into the world of professional street fighting, he was amazed the rest of the world did not consider sumo to be a true sport". Well, Honda, sumo is a sport like fishing is a sport, Brain Age is a video game, and Michael Jackson is a black guy: We just don't know what the heck else to call it.

BLANKA: Ah, the wild man from Brazil. I used to spam his electricity attack like crazy. I don't know much about Brazil, but whenever I hear about it or read about it, I think of Blanka. Thank you for teaching me these excellent ethnic stereotypes, Street Fighter!

GUILE: Guile is such a huge loser.

CHUN LI: Chun Li is possibly my best character and is also my mother's favorite. She's just so freaking fast yet she's plenty powerful. She's also a nice character choice if you're into dozens of gratituous panty/leg shots. >_>

ZANGIEF: One of my favorite characters. Despite his slowness, I loved his personality. He was fun-loving and "wrestled bears for fun". That's badass! Fun Fact: In his Japanese appearances, Zangief was actually... not straight. Apparently, Japan thinks it's hilarious when the huge, burly tough guy likes... other... guys. Yeah.

DHALSIM: This guy freaked me out when I was little. He never outright scared me, but he IS creepy, you must admit. I marveled at how he had magical powers that would've easily made him king of the street fightin' world if he didn't move so slowly. God, he's slow. Zangief could outrun this little twerp.

CAMMY: When I think of Cammy, I think of "CANNON DRILL!". I always thought Cammy was a little weird, just because of the blue lightning bolts all over her legs. According to the manual, Cammy weighs in at a whopping 98 pounds. No wonder she flies around so easily.

DEE JAY: What a hilarious name. Dee Jay's another one of those guys I could beat with one hand tied behind my back. He has some kickass win poses, though.

T. HAWK: T. Hawk was my father's favorite character since his special moves were easy to pull off. This big ol' chief had me confused for a while. He's an Indian, and he was forced out of his homeland by M. Bison into Mexico. So, even though I read the manual, I never made the connection until several years after getting the game and just assumed that mexicans looked like T. Hawk. Thanks again for the ethnic stereotypes, Street Fighter!

FEI LONG: And here we come to the little tiny short guy. I still chuckle every time I see Fei Long hurl a big lug like Zangief or T. Hawk effortlessly while screaming. "HOOWA!" And then one of his win poses is some sort of strange vibration. "HOOOOOO-WAH!" My little brother's favorite character and possibly the funniest character to watch in action (except for Chun Li when she does her upside-down super-gratituous spinning kick move)

BALROG: I understand Balrog is a boxer, but would it kill him to figure out how to do something besides punch? Every button punches. Every one. And his special moves are also all punches. Oh, he's got a headbutt. But that's it. Balrog is like Hitmonchan.

VEGA: This guy's a maniac. I thought Chun Li was fast, but even Vega is faster than her. He's called the Spanish Ninja, but he's not quite as badass as most ninjas. Scorpion could take him easily.

SAGAT: My least favorite character. I hate this guy. When I run into him in single-player, he beats the crap out of me over and over and over by spamming Tiger Shots (He still kicks my ass to this day). And if you wade through that sea of Tiger Shots, just when you think you have a chance at hitting him... "TIGER UPPERCUT!". But that's not the worst part, oh no. The worst part is when I try to fight someone else with Sagat... and I suck with Sagat. Horribly. It's not fair, I tells ya.

M. BISON: Even though he's the big bad final boss, M. Bison isn't nearly as hard as Sagat to defeat. I also thought M. Bison was much cooler than Sagat, especially with how he threw off his cape. M. Bison is also big trouble in versus mode: It's easy to trap a human opponent with M. Bison's super-dee-duper Slide attack, and just keep doing it over and over, giving them no chance to recover. It's very cheap and it's been banned in the household for when me and my younger brother go at it.

So that's... pretty much it. All 16 Street Fighter 2 characters. I'm not sure how to close this, so I'll end with what I think E. Honda says after he uses his Headbutt move: "DU-QUIKE!"