Ghelga / Member

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Ghelga Blog

Its BACON!

Bagel! Poop! A bunch of other cleverly entertaining words misplaced due to out of context or something in which I could care less. Yes, I did disappear and am still all in the whole NOT paying attention to GS, sorry. :| I have a Facebook account... but other than that I'm not really on MSN all that much, sorry folks. I really need to update my account. @(_@ Last time I was here was in... August.

Lately I have been playing Minecraft, fun stuff. Yes I have it on Peaceful mode due to certain reasons in which I cannot say. But I quit my job back in September... slowly getting around to doing things due to laziness and going to the gym and playing basketball as well. I can't think of much else, but hi again!

Edit: @_@ I'm Ghelga I think I still have Gamespot in my groups? I dunno, can't remember...

I forgot

... what it was like to be really happy. For the past three or more years I have been nothing more than miserable. I've been swimming in an ocean maze of depression and I keep thinking of suicide. It sucks, epsecially since I just really can't bring myself to trying to commit suicide. Sure I've never had horrible relationships or had as bad a life as other people here, but I just can't seem to feel or remember what happiness is anymore.

As of late I've been either angry, or just depressed. I hardly socialize outside, if I do go outside its for yard work or going to work. Maybe buying that new computer really was a bad idea overall. :| I seriously could've paid off my credit card as well as a small abundance of my school loans, but no. I wasted $600 on something that won't make me happy. :? I still cannot drive, I still cannot tolerate this damn weather because its either hot or oh hey thunderstorm. :x

We gave away our miniature pinchers back in February/March. It sucks because Dad wanted them gone so no poop in the house. I am almost crying because I miss Tyler and Tika. The other dogs were alright, but I really liked those two. I live in shadows of which I can't afford to tell people because it might just give me more stress.

I'm not even sure if OT is the same stupid 20 threads of the same boring crap everyday? I couldn't stand the constant repeating threads because its a waste of space on the internet which could've been used for more relevant things. All in the name of boosting your post count. I gave up spamming because it made me feel more uneducated among other things. I can't really bring myself to come here anymore because of silly people who feel they need to make 5 threads a day and talk crap about everything in the world when they can't really back it up. ex. Meh_Guy.

Its just tough for me to figure out what to do with my life. I've blocked people on MSN for random stupid crap. I deleted people for no apparent reason. I hardly even speak to people anymore out of thinking they're busy or the blind hope that someone might want to talk to me. I'm sorry folks, I'm a real drag of a mess who is forgetful of all the positive things I do in life. Often I find myself struggling for nothing.

I really can't stay comfortable. If I do its a long road that I really wouldn't mind making short, but will it help? I wouldn't mind coming back to chill, but its hard to clean a mess that "noobs" have done to OT comparible to the catastrophe that Katrina did to New Orleans. :(

P.S. Oh yeah, how the hell do I download my video I submitted? :? I really would like to have it on my hard-drive. @(_@

Sorrowful Anniversary

I had completely spaced my 4 year anniversary Monday. Sorry, but then again its apparently not a big deal. @(_@

Monday was a sad day for me, my friend Fratley *also pet ferret* passed away on Monday. The weekend was excrutiatingly painful and took it's toll on him. He lived for 3.5 years. Still he lives on in my memory as well as the few pictures I have of him. @_@

Anyway, I'm tired, I'm gonna go now...

Honestly

I don't really care to be here much anymore. I don't really have any fire to come here everyday and be all like @_@ I'm Ghelga. I'm too bothered by work and now I have University starting Monday and I have a few issues I wish not to discuss. So yeah, someone reported me for that funny thread about my discovery. I was bored and just wanted to see responses, some were really like 'your an idiot' while you guys were like 'Hey thats cool 8D'.

I appreciate this and just wanted you guys to know that even though I hardly post anymore I'll still prod in here every once in a while, but my MSN is on display I believe, right? Well, yeah thanks. @(_@

The day I turned 22...

...turned out to be a pretty great overall birthday. :)

I went with my mom to Home Depot, Lowe's, for floor equipment since my parents are doing a little remodeling in the front room. She took me to Wal-Mart to get an automatic toothbrush which I needed and gave me $20. @w@

Later I helped her clean for the missionaries who were eating over there at 5pm and I went to my friend Dane's for a bit.

After talking with my buddy Brian about a few things, I ;eft to Texas Roadhouse with my buddies Justin&Dallas *who invited his boss AJ who I'm cool with from when I worked at WinCo as well* Dinner was AMAZING!!

I ate Caesar Salad, Ice Cream, Chicken Strips, tater skins, and I could not eat my chili from it being too spicy/hot for me to handle. @_@ Also their rolls are fantastic! We saw a few people, I ran into a girl I used to have infatuation for, but it died out, and she is dating her ex again. I invited her over to Dane's afterwards, she said she would bring her boyfriend Wyatt, though they never showed up, no big deal. 8)

I go back to Dane's and pretty much stayed there for a while, then went to WinCo to buy my cake, then went back to Dane's to eat it. Though we WERE gonna go play Capture the Flag with a few more friends, but they never called me back. @(_@

I ended up crashing there for the night. Overall 9/10, awesome birthday. :)

In less than a week...

...MY BIRTHDAY IS GONNA HIT LIKE HURRICANE KATRINA!!! :shock: Thats right its gonna be... here!! :x So in a week from today I'll post a blog as to how it goes. :P

New Blog

Well, I'm still doing great regarding university, as in I got a B on my first exam, next exam is this coming Thursday. :) I really enjoy this course so much. :D So much history and interesting things to discover.

Then there is my health. :| Its official, I have had this large bump in the lower abdominal section of m body, and its a hernia like I feared it to be. Apparently this is the second time I've had a hernia, first time was when I was a baby. :? Though so far this one isn't too severe, yet, so this means I have to cut down on my weight lifting a bit. :( That hurts me a lot because I like weight lifting, it's a healthy habit and it helped me become physically stronger as well as I gained weight because of it.

Also, regarding this, I can't really afford to ride bikes anymore due to going uphill and whatnot, you know, it puts strain on the abdominal section. :| Also I keep somehow ruining my back wheels on my bike and I have no clue as to how. :x So now both of my bikes are no longer rideable until I get new back rims. :evil: This isreally depressing since I'm not too fond of walking 3 miles just to visit my best friends. I've always liked riding bikes ever since I was a little kid. :( Now I don't have any bikes I can ride, and I have no money to afford one. :cry: I hate needing a job because I can't tolerate them as well as I always get angry due to annoying co-workers! >8(

Last but not least is my mental health. I am now on a prescription for Celexa and I'm trying it for a month to see how it goes, though I need to see a Psychiatrist to get the whole grip of all my stresses in life. I really hope this goes well for me, though it just seems I'm slowly drowning myself in an ocean of despair. I just need to find my inner light, and seems like I am missing something to help me find it...

Anyway, I just figured I needed a new update on my blog... and sadly its still another non-positive blog at that. :| Seriously, this sucks...

I'm at that point again...

Have any of you ever come to a state of mind where it seems like nothing in life is really relevant to you anymore? Its like... when I try to think of something entertaining, hardly anything comes to mind and whenever something does, it just fades away just as fast as it randomly processed. :|

Here are some examples, some, yes crude, but I'm making somewhat of a point.

* Sport activities seem interesting for only like twenty seconds then fade, except for when I actually get to play basketball.

* A very attractive woman could duct tape me to a chair and then strip all her clothes off and while nude, pole dance for me and I'll just shrug.

* The thought of playing almost any of my video games dies within a weak timespan of less than thirty seconds.

* Whendoing most things I used to enjoy like role-playing, playing video games, cooking food [I need something fast :?] I get impatient and then lazy.

* Even though I have no body fat, its hard to push myself to go to the gym because I cannot think of what to work on and then get lazy and leave after half an hour tops.

* I ignore almost everyone's advice because it feels like everybody says the same thing leading me to feel like I should be the one giving advice but my advice is apparently harmful so um... yeah, silence is awesome. o_O

So have any of you felt half of those syptoms? *except the stripper factor :lol:*

I mean its a bit pathetic I feel this way, and there is almost no point in me going outside lest I go three miles from home to hang out with my friends and then hardly do anything over there *though thats my current location until my internet connection quits being faulty. :x* The only positive is that i don't put up with my niece annoying me to where everyone yells at me and then I just bottle anger and want them dead. :| So pretty much I'm slowly climbing the ladder of boredom where when you reach the top suicide seems like the only solution and yeah thats pretty lame. @(_@

I'd ask for advice, but like I said earlier I'd most likely end up ignoring it... unless someone recommends me someone new to listen to... as long as it isn't stupid like Limp Biskit, Avril Lavigne, Brittney Spears, Ashley Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Gwen Stefani, *most other women artists, except Cascada though WHY!? Why make a remix of AL's stupid Skater Boy song?!! :cry: * or somebody else who sings a song where its stupid enough it'll make me rage. :evil: Thats the last crap I need to listen to... :x Honestly I don't know how the hell people were ever able to tolerate such horrid ear rape...

Better I blog it than post a thread only to throw myself into a lake of fire. @_@