Forensic / Member

Forum Posts Following Followers
5 15 3

Forensic Blog

Today I start a new job...

It's just ticked over to 12.01 am, well... 12.02 now.

Today I start a new job. I shall report for my first day of being a game reviewer at CBN Media for Cybershack. It's not just game reviewing mind you, it's gadget reviewing, web admin, game server admin, video game journo-ing... stuff like that.

I hope I do well. Bugger it, I will do well.

I do love games. I've been playing them since I was one-and-a-half. I started on computers at that age and was literally stuck on a Commodore Amiga. I still remember Little Computer People, the real precursor to The Sims.

I don't know if I love games as much as I love photography, film, music or animation... it's a tough call. I'm a kid at heart but I'm also a film-y sort of person.

I love the story in games. I love the interaction. If it's been designed to be enjoyable I'm going to look favourably on it. If it's been designed to make money, I'll throw a stick of dynamite its way (figuratively, of course).

Wish me luck.

I should get a badge for having a review pulled...

...because seriously, I had my review of the seriously flawed game Izuna for the DS pulled.

Without a reason.

Geeze. I hope Gamespot don't normally treat their members as easily deleted spawn. I didn't even get a reason as to why, even though the Gamespot system said I had a reason, every time I clicked on it it told me I didn't have permission to view it.

Which is so strikingly intelligent since I should have permission to see why it was pulled.

Was it the drug references made to show how addictive the game was? Was someone offended by the idea that someone might actually jerk off to a video game character even though we know people do (and if so, the person probably does too)?

In any case,  I'll repost it in a slightly-less disturbed fashion.

Geeze... I really am going to have to censor my video review of Barbie and the 12 Dancing Idi-- I mean Princesses... 

Stuff coming up

I've got a couple of reviews I'll be posting in my usual my-head-really-needs-to-be-looked-at style later on in the coming week or two, hopefully the former.
Here's a sneak preview:

I've taken Izuna for a spin and discovered that I've never wanted to throw my DS at a wall anywhere near as much as I previously had before. It's so addictive... and stupid... and irritating... and yet I can't stop playing. Bloody unemployed ninja's with big breasts. Damn them to hell. And my home.
Call me, Izuna...

Trioncube is just one of the easiest bloody games on the planet. So easy that even I -- one of the worst gamers in history -- can finish it in a day or two. And even though it's fun... it's not exactly memorable. Unless you like remembering how easy a victory it was to finish a game.
Like that time you so successfully burned all of those ants with your magnifying glass. I bet you felt all powerful. So powerful, even though the next-of-kin of the ants are planning your destruction this very instant... mwahahahahahaha!!!
Well... Trioncube is like that. Satisfying, but only in a "well that was easy" sort of way.

Wario's Master of Disguise... it's like that Krusty's Funhouse game in the disguise of a game made for the DS that's supposed to be decent.
Except it's not.
It's pathetic.
And mostly because of the programming.

Rayman Raving Rabbids... I hear this rocks on the Wii... but being broke, I don't have a Wii.
Sadly, whatever it is that makes it rock on the Wii isn't on the DS.
It's more like a semi-decent platformer with a decent use of the touchscreen for controls in some platform levels (except they didn't include instructions for lefties... grrr...) with mini-games weaved through it.
And the mini-games are bad.
Do you like to be patronised? They're that bad.

And I might even through up my review of that Barbie game.

Why did I review a Barbie game? Well... it seemed like a sensible thing to do the the time.

I might have been drunk mind you. Actually no... if I were drunk, the game probably would have made some sense.

Gamespot might actually have to turn off the word censors for me to put that game review online...

Well, it's something... I guess

It's not many more, but it's a few more views to my profile.


Or something.

In case anyone's interested, the avatar I use is of my own creation, but if you wanna use it, well... it's not like I can stop you...

I change it depending on the season or event... but yeah... stuff...

I'll go back to posting on my own site for the REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF... whatever the hell that is.

EDIT: They censored me! Those bastards.

This entry is rated PG-13.

It has to be rated PG-13. It pretty much has no choice.

You see, part of Gamespot's User Reviews area suggests that in writing your review for a game, it be kept clean.

That's fair. This site is targeted at as many people as it can possibly be targeted at and they don't want to offend anyone. We all know how trigger happy some people are with their "right" to sue you because you may have offended them in some way.

I, however, use language that some might consider "profane" on a daily basis. It has nothing to do with a lack of intelligence, I merely like the words. I like how they sound, what they mean, and how they roll off of the tongue and into the air.

Moreso, I don't care what you or the next person thinks about me, nor do I care if you think I speak like a prick or something you might consider worse.

I write the way I speak and that's all there is to it.

However, since I'm on a site like Gamespot and contributing user reviews that most people probably won't read, I do have to tame myself a bit.

So, if you would like to read my original reviews of games before I PG-13-ify them for the public that hasn't yet adapted to being grown-ups, check out my gaming part of my blog below: