Welcome to this new blog series. I call it Questioning Logic. It's pretty much going to be a series of blogs were I observe impossible actions that happen in Film and Television. I'm testing the waters with this series, just to see how you guys respond to it. So if you like it, tell me and I'll keep it going, if you don't like it, then I will try something new. Anyway, that's the summary part. Let's begin.
I will be talking about Home Alone 3 in this episode. But I think we should go over the history of, Home Alone.
The first Home Alone film was released on November 16, 1990. For those of you select few people, who for some reason, have never seen this(I recommend you go see this right now, stop reading this and go watch this if you have never seen this before),here is the plot. The film is about an eight year old boy named Kevin Mccallister(played by the then adorable Macauly Culkin), whose family leaves him home alone by mistake while going on a trip to Paris. While having the time of his life by relaxing and just having fun, two would be burgalurs Harry Lyme(played by the legendary italian Joe Pesci) and Marv Merchants(played by Daniel Stern) who try to rob his house. This doesn't stop little Kevin from deciding to take charge and show these robbers they are messing with the wrong house. Slapstick shenanigans ensue.
This film is a family comedy legend. The film cost $18 million to make and had a total gross of $476,684,675 dollars. That's a lot of money for a kids film. Home Alone made a lot of money for many reasons. For one reason, this was released around Christmas and this film was set around Christmas time. Another reason, cute little Macauly Culkin was in this and so was Joe Pesci. Third reason, the legendary John Hughes wrote and produced this film.
For those of you who don't know who John Hughes is, I'll give you a little explanation, because he is a big part of this blog too.
John Hughes(May he Rest In Peace)is a filmmaker who is mostly well known for his legendary 1980's teenage coming of age films that he made. He seemed to know teenagers extremely well. If you wanted to make a coming of age film, John Hughes was the guy you would turn to. Hughes made legendary films such as National Lampoon's Vacation, Sixteen Candles, Uncle Buck, Pretty in Pink, Weird Science, Some Kind of Wonderful, his funniest film Planes, Trains, And Automobiles, his most quotable film Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and his masterpiece, The Breakfast Club. A guy with a track record like this couldn't stop him from making good films. Right? RIGHT?!
Home Alone can also be put on this list, but I wanted to mention his films from the 80's because they are his best, but after Home Alone and said movie making all that money, the rest of the 90's came along, and that's when in 1992, the world saw the release of Home Alone 2.
Now Home Alone 2 was not at all a bad movie. It just wasn't that good. Home Alone 2 is a perfect example of a cash grab movie. This movie was made just for money. Home Alone and the remake of A Miracle on 34th Street(he wrote that a couple years after Home Alone) would mark the last good film John Hughes wrote as he would churn out more family comedy crap that was far worse then Home Alone 2. Said examples are Curly Sue, Dutch, Beethoven, Dennis the Menace, the atrocious Baby's Day Out, the live-action remake of 101 Dalmations, Flubber, Just Visiting, Maid in Manhattan WHAT THE F*CK HAPPENED JOHN! It just got worse for the great John Hughes. Now out all the movies on this list, the two movies that are his worst and just throw all human logic out the window are Baby Day's Out and Home Alone 3. We'll talk about Baby's Day Out another time, today we will talk about Home Alone 3.
Home Alone 3, another perfect example of a cash grab. You know what, every Home Alone movie after the first one is a cash grab. Just going to throw that out there. In fact, this is a more of a cash grab then the first one. Now why do I say that? Let me tell you the plot.
The film is about a boy not played by Macauly Culkin named Alex Pruitt(played by some annoying,generic child actor who isn't Macauly Culkin, by the way, this kid's name is Not Macauly Culkin) who is sick because of chicken pox or some shit. The kid has to stay home because of said chicken pox, and if you saw the first two movies, you guessed it, robbers come and try to take something from Not Macauly Culkin. Not Macualy Culkin is clever about it and sets up traps and stops the robbers and yeah this movie is just like the first two. The only difference being, the burgulars aren't just burgulars, THEY ARE F**KING INTERNATIONAL CRIMINALS/TERRORISTS! Now I understand you want to do something different with the burgular characters so you can take more trips to the bank, but you didn't have to make them TERRORISTS! Kids don't know what a terrorist is. Know what would have been a better idea, not making this movie.
Here is where you start questioning the logic in this movie. I'm pretty sure Terrorists would know how to stop an 8 year old child with chicken pox.
Stupid Critic that likes this movie: "But XAVIER, Alex has a high IQ in this movie, he can stop the terrorists!"
NO NO NO! Bullshit! The kid might have a high IQ, but the criminals are TERRORISTS! I'm pretty sure terrorists can stop a kid even if his/her's said IQ is higher then 100. They're terrorists. They are trained to stop anything.
But then this point I just made becomes completely invalid as we find out later in the movie that these criminals are **** imbeciles.
I would like to question the logic of the slapstick in this movie. In a slapstick comedy, you have to make the slapstick at least a little realistic. Don't be lazy and make them fall to their deaths and not break a single bone, this kind of slapstick would take you out of a movie like this and start questioning everything that happens. Luckily, this film makes you question logic throughout.
One scene in the movie, one of the criminals gets electrocuted while sitting in a chair, the chair has a car battery attached to it or something. The criminal doesn't get brain damage, he just, nothing happens to him. Another scene, a RUNNING LAWNMOWER falls on one of the criminals. Instead of chopping out all of his flesh, nothing happens to him. His hair just gets cut off. :x
Another scene, a criminal falls THREE STORIES into a basement and lands on a toilet, crushing the toilet and urine spills out on the criminal. Does he die? Of course not. He just gets a little shaken up and gets upset because urine is all over him. We get another scene were a female criminal goes into dumbwaiter chute, and because Not Macauly Culkin removed the bottom, she falls 3 stories ASS FIRST into the basement. She doesn't break any bones at all. A guy hides in a snow fort, a parrot flies in thier and lights up hidden fireworks in the snow fort. The snow fort EXPLODES and the guy is perfectly fine. A rat climbs into a guys pants and into his crotch, the female criminal tries to hit the rat, but the rat walks out of the pants and the female criminal hits the guy in the crotch. And this girl hit the guy HARD, with a crowbar, no severe injuries to the guy's nutsack at all. A criminal gets black spray paint in his eye, no severe damages to his eye. A trunk of books fall onto the criminal's heads and the trunk of books gets crushed in half on target. The criminals don't go into a coma or a concussion. NO! They just lay their for a minute and GET THE F*CK RIGHT BACK UP! I'M DONE WITH THIS MOVIE!
I know this is a kids film and all, but come on! The slapstick just gets so damn ridiculous you start to feel bad for these terrorists. The logic in this film is ridiculous. It drives you crazy that these people aren't dead. This movie sucks. I don't know what happened John Hughes. What made you want to write this? Was it for money, was it for more fame, was it so you can take this series as far as it possibly could, I don't know man. This movie sucks, it really does. If you haven't seen it, I mean, Do you really want to?
By the way, Scarlett Johansson is in this movie...... *Sigh*