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A Geeks Answers to Your Questions About Santa Claus

Just to get something out of the way first.

[spoiler]

As a note I do not wish to take credit for this fabulous bit, it was written by a man named Jef Rouner who belongs to the Houston Press, and was stumbled upon by a close friend of mine who works for a company called "LoL Apps" And I felt COMPELLED to share this with all the nay sayers. Now on with the blog. [/spoiler]

See, he's TOTALLY real!

If there is any one aspect of being a parent we have been avidly preparing for for years, it's how to explain the concept of Santa Claus to our child. So that you won't be left out, here are some popular children's questions about the Claus and the answers.

~How can Santa visit everywhere in the world in one night?

Santa's sleigh contains an Improbability Drive. When in use, it is simultaneously everywhere in the entire universe at once due to a quirk of quantum physics theory that states that there is a very small chance of a subatomic particle being very far from the nucleus of an atom. All you have to do is create a field of infinite improbability and off you go. Fun fact: an unexpected mis-ignition of the Improbability Drive and its reality-warping effects turned the sleigh's engine into eight reindeer, and Santa liked them so much he never bothered to attempt to turn them back. They remain a living part of Santa's sleigh.

~How can Santa carry so many presents in one tiny sleigh?

Santa is a longtime ally of the Doctor, and has access to Time Lord technology including mastery of hammerspace. The sleigh is actually huge on the inside, and contains not only storage space for all the world's presents, but also living quarters for up to 30 passengers, stables for the reindeer, a 3-D printing lab for last-minute gifts due to sudden changes to naughty/nice status, a den with a fireplace, and a small home theatre.

~How can Santa fit down the chimney and what does he do when there isn't one?

Santa has access to Floo Powder, so he's not so much coming down your chimney as using it for a magical portal. Because of the nature of Floo Powder, Santa can also emerge from heating vents, gas valves, and since there's a connection between the teleportational ether and ionized gas, from plasma TVs. He tries not to do that one too much as some people find it a little creepy.

~How does Santa know if I've been good?

When a child turns five years old, parents are given access to a special Web site (Previously it was a mail-in form) where they can enter information regarding your behavior since last Christmas. We do it like we do taxes every year. Don't worry, children are graded on a curve and if for some reason a parent doesn't fill out the questionnaire, Santa errs on the side of presents.

Speaking of taxes, the Web site allows parents to opt out of Santa delivery so that Santa can spend more time, money and energy on people who can't afford or otherwise won't receive presents. That's why sometimes you catch your parents filling stockings. They're participating in the opt-out program to help the less fortunate. Parents get a tax credit for doing this, a provision set up by President Richard Nixon in gratitude after Santa Claus single-handedly stopped an invasion by S.P.I.D.E.R. in the late 1960s.

~How does Santa make all the presents?

Santa's elves are actually the last surviving members of the Middle Earth elves, and they bring both magic and craftsmanship to toy making in addition to Santa's own skills and genius. Many of the world's best gadgets, gizmos and playthings have actually been developed by Santa and the elves, and they are licensed through various companies to fund Christmas and promote innovation in the realm of whimsy. Santa Claus, Inc. is the largest patent-holder in the world.

Why does Santa live at the North Pole?

The North Pole is not under any particular country's territorial claims, and thus serves as the perfect neutral ground for Santa to conduct his operations free from war, economic shifts and other political factors. This holds true for his base on the Moon as well, though that site is still in the development phase as a back-up base should global warming render the Arctic too unstable.

~Why don't I always get the present I ask for?

Mrs. Claus is an accomplished scryer, which she learned directly from studies with Dr. John Dee. Her job at the North Pole is checking a small distance into the future to see whether or not the present you ask for causes any kind of trouble, and sends her recommendation on to her husband. This is why most kids don't get the pony or flamethrower that they ask for.

~Is Santa real?

Santa, like all gods, demigods, myths and extra-normal beings, operates on the Gaiman principle. They are defined by the perception of humans to their existence. In short, he is as real as the belief in him is real. At various times in history he has been either a fully corporeal entity capable of magic and wonder in our reality, at others he has merely been a small voice inside our heads urging us to generosity and love in the cold of winter. He has been a saint, a shaman, a god, a cultural icon and a corporate mascot. He is more or less all of these things at once.

You'll never find an element in the periodic table called "hope," or "love," or "charity." Yet those things are as real as hydrogen despite not being measured by any way known to science, and so is Santa Claus.

Kaboom!

Coming to a blog space near you...

KABOOOM! A Playground!

The tale of how with a little help from the community a empty patch of dirt became an epic place to play.

kaboom

What Scares You?

So many might not suspect that the little goth Community Manager would be afraid of so many things but I'm honestly a HUGE scaredey cat. I startle super easily and am creeped out by a great many thing. What are some of these things? Well here is a short list:

*Spiders

*The Dark

*The Ocean

*Falling

*Flying

*More Spiders

*Loud Noises

*Freddy Krueger

*Most Psycological Horror Movies (I can do fantasy just not "reality")

*Cthulu-esque Monsters

*Spiders (Seriously they creep the living hell out of me)

What are some things that make you scream?

Fun Fact About Me

So I know a hand full of my followers are aware that I like art and that I like anime (granted that hand full is like 2 but that's besides the point).

So I thought I would take a second to post some of the art that I've done in the past. I have books full of sketches but here are some of my favorites, or at least I cared enough about them to put them on the interwebs. The first three were drawn after looking at the original image while the last one is a personal creation of mine and a former 3rd edition D&D character that I played.

So without further delay ART

Crucify

Bubbles

The Magic Knights

Otter!

My night with Terraria

So as some of you may be aware, Terraria is about to undergo yet another fabulous update.

Colbalt Ore, Dragons, New Monsters... Its all soo exciting.

If you haven't gotten Terraria yet you really should. I HIGHLY recommend it, and things are only going to get better as they add new things to the game.

After this next patch I think I will give a proper review of the game, but until then I leave you with this.

[spoiler]

my nights

[/spoiler]

Tokyo Game Show!

Is it just me or is this year pretty awesome!

Soo many neat toys,

So much awesome Cosplay

And of course... SO MANY AWESOME GAMES!

I attack the darkness!

Alright so anyone who knows much if anything about me knows that I LOVE to play not only video games but one step further. I love the art of the Table Top RPG.

Yep that's right, dice, paper pencils of the non mechanical verity (they still make those), huddled around a table with cans upon cans of Mountain Dew, Red Vines, and Cheeto's, the light dimmed low and the charming voice of a fantastic story teller.

Okay so granted many of my fellow table toppers have moved to the world of digital gaming. A table that was once buckling under the pressure of books, binders and dice is now replaced with one that has an eerie iridescent glow of tablet screens and dice rolling apps for the phone. I however choose to remain a purest. Why, well there is the cost factor, but the all mighty dollar aside I cannot help but want to keep my Table Top experience more authentic. I'm currently playing in two Pathfinder Games, one 4th edition game (blah blah yes 4e is the devil we can move on) and a second edition game. And yes while Pathfinder isn't TECHNICALLY part of Wizards D&D universe it is still a fantastic experience.

So what is the point of me blogging about this? Good question! I'm going to be giving away a poster that I obtained when at SDCC 2011. It looks a little something like this, I'm going to be giving it to the person who can spin me the most interesting D&D inspired tale.

Be it short story, skit with your fellow Table Toppers, or even your very own podcast of your next weekly game night! Impress me and the poster is yours!

PS Bonus points to anyone who gets the reference of the blog title.