D3nnyCrane / Member

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D3nnyCrane Blog

I Remember You...

I remember you, down-days.

Been a while, old friend. It's both nice and depressing to know you've just been waiting there for me when the good days come to an abrupt end.

I wanted to believe you'd left the neighbourhood. Nope. You win, this is still your turf.

I'm gonna come back from this, down-day. You've got me here, with my first cigarette in three years, wanting nothing more than to drink you outta memory.

You remember how this goes, down-day. You've been there at the funerals. You sat in the empty car seat next to me after a bad breakup. You made an empty house that much emptier.

You keep forgetting I always beat you.

Eventually.

So do your thing, down-day. I'm getting up in 8 hours, and then I double dare you to try it two days in a row.

We both know you can't.

"You didn't get me down, Ray..."

The Foreign Grounds, or How I Learnt To Stop Worrying and Love the Drama

First off, this song has been on a high rotation, and in a way, some of the words have a correlation to what I wanna say in this blog.

To wit: I am pig sick of the seemingly pervasive negative opinion of The Foreign Grounds. I hear bleating from both sides about how it is essentially Troll Formation Grounds, how everyone there is a "bitter, twisted, misanthrope", how any trolling on this site must logically be TFG's fault, etc. Whilst I am in no way an official ambassador, I'd like to think anyone tracking sees me as having enough of a standing to try clear the air. So here goes.

"You'd fight and you were right, but they were just too strong,
Theyd stick it in your face, and let you smell what they consider wrong"

First of all, let's clear up some common misconceptions:

- TFG WAS NOT SET UP AS A PLACE TO SHARPEN BACK-BOUND KNIVES. Anyone who has been around knows who Myon, better known as The Foreign Guy, is a man with a rightly deserved reputation as a good man and influential poster. For reasons that are his, he grew disillusioned and set up TFG as an alternative for posters similarly disgruntled for whatever reason. For right or wrong, this created a Great Escape-esque scenario of similarly issued people in the same basket - it was always inevitable that Gamespot, users that annoyed others (more on that later - please bear with me), and dislike for what has been, for right or wrong, perceived as a somewhat swift decline from what Gamespot was. However, lately not only has this topic become something of disinterest, Myon, the administration team, and the high majority of users have made an effort to try preserve something of a clean reputation. It is unfortunate that these efforts become scuppered from pressures both internal and external, but the fact cannot be ignored that an effort is being made.

- THE FOREIGN GROUNDS IS NOT THE CAUSE OF 95% OF SUPPOSED TROLLING. I am a patient man. I am ex military, have had to deal with people and circumstances that many of you would not believe, and if necessary, I will discuss these if needed to make my point. But my blood boils when people join the "TFG = only source of trolling" bandwagon. It is quite simply, idiotic. TFG WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ED_CETERA SPAM. Unfortunately, by fluke chance, 2 banned threads were made at the same time, by 2 TFG members. From there, it was seized upon by other posters and the front page was covered in Ed_Cetera threads. There is no feasible way, even if we had everyone online at once, that TFG has the numbers, time, or sheer determination to flood OT. One or two members have alt accounts, but that in itself is not "trolling". I myself had one simply because after 9000 posts, I wanted a new way to post. Whilst some members do need to wear the shame of trolling on a personal level, it is neither fair nor logical to blame TFG for every pothole in the road here.

- THE FOREIGN GROUNDS IS NOT A COLLECTION OF E-THUGS. TFG, as mentioned, was set up to be a familar-faced alternative to OT. In my time there, I am yet to see (as some of the accusations go) the majority playing "Follow The Leader", people change from fun to "Bitter, twisted misanthropes" (actual quote), and am yet to see, in any capacity, a raid planned on OT. Such is the moderation of GS, we realise a raid would amount to something quite comparable to a damp squib. Some of the users there are genuinely nice people, and if you venture there, you will see very few threads, and certainly none of the recent ones, concern our opinions of Gamespot. We're just former or current GS users taking advantage of being able to present our opinions on matters free of over-moderation.


"I wish I would've met you, now it's a little late
What you could've taught me, I could've saved some face"

- THERE IS NO WAR BETWEEN OT AND TFG. This is a ridiculous fallacy to exist - quite simply, the collective of Gamespot cannot be defined by a handful of users, no matter how prominent. The same applies to The Foreign Grounds. I have made the comparison before to a pair of jobbing boxers. It is a fight that has no legs or interest to anyone, until Don King propogates it as "THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY!" All of a sudden, people get caught up in the misinformation and hype and before you know it, there is an inordinate amount of interest in something that is a pretty average spectacle. Yes, some of us have nothing but disdain for Gamespot. Personally, my own disgruntlement stems from the extension of moderations which, as many can attest to, HAVE gotten ridiculous. Others have felt a decline in the quality of users, or the percieved repitition of topics. Yes, some of us flat out hate this place. But, just as Gamespot (for the most part) has not burnt us TFG'ers at the stake, the same is true of TFG. Which leads me to my next point.

- THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TROLLING AND HAVING A LAUGH. People make opinions of others in this place. We love some posters, loathe others, and this is for a majority of reasons. And if someone is taking a jab at your posting **** grammar, viewpoint, or other presentation of manner, is it REALLY that big a deal? Are you REALLY going to cry yourself to sleep over a comment like "lol grammar"?
However, I have to confess that trolling, that is, making attacks of a vicious or personal nature, crosses the line. I do not agree with making light of someones marital history. I do not agree with making public attacks on another persons partner, or appearance. That **** crosses the line be it in or out of this internet world of ours. It is the one problem I have had with some TFG users, as much as I love them.

"Now that the smokes gone, and the air is all clear
Those who were right there, got a new kind of fear"

- EFFORTS ARE BEING MADE TO CLEAN UP TFG'S IMAGE. Let me ask you something - when it comes to the presentation of media, who do you prefer to listen to? Do you listen to the sensationalist outlet that portrays the opinion of the vocal, far left/right minority? Or do you sanction the outlet of the media who portrays the issue from an unbiased, fair light, portraying the true lie of the land? Just because one or two users have taken things a step too far in the past, how can you possibly paint all the users of TFG as bitter trolls? Especially when those same users are well liked and respected users here. The majority of us are as tired of the repeated butting of heads as many of you are. We don't want this. We want to be able to co-exist. Unfortunately, this push toward cohabitation is being hampered by a tail-chasing roundabout of "NO U!" Think of it as the Israeli-Palestinian conflict - no one remembers how it started, and unfortunately, with both sides wanting to take the final shot, no resolution is possible until guns are laid down on both sides.

- WHAT DO YOU REALLY KNOW OF TFG? Have you been there? Spent some time in the community, tried to see both perspectives? Or have you simply been linked to a thread that has a negative element or, worse still, just jumped on a bandwagon because someone told you to? I've got no qualms about people who have built up their opinions through exposure to it - I admit, that place, our mindset, our humour and our presentation of distaste may not be everyone's thing, just as the G-rated backslapping on Gamespot is not many of ours. But if you have decided to help cultivate the "TFG ARE /b/-LITE" BS that rapidly is becoming de rigeur, well, maybe the problem is in a different place than you think.

"Thats why I say hey man nice, nice shot, what a good shot man
Thats why I say hey man nice, nice shot, what a good shot man"

I didn't write this blog for selfish reasons. It is not here to condone the times that TFG has crossed the line, nor is it here to force some form of viewpoint down the throats of Gamespot users. Whilst I cannot and will not assume innocence in some things, know that many of us find the rare personal attacks that TFG users have made somewhat distasteful. But the real reason I decided my views needed to be expressed?

Myon does not deserve to have his name made guilty by association.

He is a man who has given us an alternative to Gamespot, a place where we can be ourselves and leave our apparently more mod-worthy opinions there. A man many of us on both sides of the percieved chasm respect and appreciate, who worked hard for the good reputation he has attained. So before you blanket-term TFG as a wretched hive of scum and villainy, I'd ask you to have a bit more respect for the man that built that place.

I may lose fans from both here and TFG for this. And if I'm going to be some sort of figurative martyr in the endeavour for a better working relationship, then so be it. But please - if you are sick of the supposed War of the Forums as many of us are, do your part to. Let's work together to get back to square one. It doesn't need to be this way. It isn't going to take a lot to turn this around, but things will be remarkably better if we do.

And I wanna see that happen, side by side, with all of you.

So I Got To Thinking...

I was really touched by your guy's reaction to me announcing I was leaving. It meant more than you know to know that despite what went down, most people have valued my input as a user.

Like I said I have been with my family for a week, which allowed me to take stock of things. I spent ages wondering if I had gone about things the wrong way. If maybe it wasn't up to me to make myself some sort of misplaced martyr. That in the scheme of things, with a mod not manning up and leaving to my fate, all that was achieved is myself seperated from a community that, whilst over-moderated, is one I have come to enjoy, immensely.

What you guys have said meant a lot. I really do appreciate it, and I guess, after time to cool down, reflect, and just process for a ****ing second, I realised that I will miss you guys. A bit too much to leave. And after reading some comments on The Foreign Grounds, that maybe efforts are better served trying to lift this place than let it die.

But then, I realise that I gave my word that I would leave if ignored. And that you guys have more or less said your farewells. I've always been a man of my word - I don't BS people, as life is too short.

So basically - leaving may be a bit rash. But if you guys will have me, I might see about staying around. For now, I'm gonna hold off posting for a bit. Even hitting submit on this is gonna require a deep breath and a hope that whatever reputation I have isn't tarnished for this change of perspective.

Why I am leaving Gamespot.

Well, there is so much in this blog I want to say, I don't know where to start. So let's start at the end.
http://theforeigngrounds.com/forum/index.php?topic=215.0

I have been moderated a lot over the past year. Most have been ridiculous, several have been borderline, but in the past I have shrugged off the targetting, albeit with a growing sense of impatience.

But now I have been modded for a political opinion. The Mods can scream about merely exercising the ToU, but this has stretched to Moderators now becoming a law unto themselves and exercising knee-jerk vendettas for things they don't believe in.

I will probably be banned before too many of you read this. I can't stay in a place that is now exercising intellectual terrorism. This is a step too far.

I don't want to leave. I wanna see my 10k. I want to see the OTcars. I want to continue to enjoy the international multiude of peers, enjoy their opinions and humour. I have valued you all over the past year and a bit. I have drawn enjoyment, courage, and a sense of belonging.

But the time is now to move on.

If you have been feeling increasingly discontented with the Police State level of action taken in this place, I urge you to join the rest of us who have left at www.theforeigngrounds.com. If you feel happy on this forum but unhappy with action, I ask that on the 5th of November, you do not use this site. An authority is to be afraid of the people, not them of it.

So long guys. I've loved my time here, but I hope me leaving is the inspiration for you, the users, to take this place back for yourself. Anyone who wants to keep in touch, make your way to The Foreign Grounds.

So long and good night.

The Nameless Blog.

Well hello again, my fellow OT-ricans.

Let's chuck a song on shall we? Like this?

So how's everyone been?

I'm sitting here, incredibly tired, 1am in the morning, sober (as if I'd blog if I wasn't!) and yet, remarkably, feeling alive. I just got back from a friend's house, a few of us met up as a spur of the moment thing for dinner, then watched a DVD (Changeling - don't recommend it unless you enjoy getting a numb ass and having those "It's over - oh wait, no it's not" moments). I thought as I started bashing out a blog I'd have bugger all to report but I guess I can dig up something.

I've decided health-wise to try and make a few adjustments - with Australian Football season starting in 3 months, it's time to try stop smoking (Jesus, I know, but just imagine), try get into functional sports shape rather than continue the bodybuilding efforts, and sleep better. It's partly my own fault, that last one, as I love talking to some of you who read this, but also as I think I've mentioned, get recurring nightmares stemming from some stuff in my past that sorta make sleep an unattractive prospect sometimes.
And not just health - there's part of me that's coming to terms with things from my past as well. I, for the first time in my life, accept being single, I am making plans I am close to following through on (and even that's a massive step!) and doing away with the rage outbursts that unfortunately come out of nowhere to create lasting damage. So you could say for the first time I'm approaching the whole "bettering yourself thing" with some actual intent!

Caught up with Dad and my sister yesterday - she was over in NZ for a week as she's split with her partner of 4 years. To the girls reading this, or in fact anyone - never put your life on hold for the good of someone you think you love. If they love you like you do them, you'll move forward together. D'awww... :P But seriously, we had a huge talk, Dad is thrilled I'm going into medicine, and my sister laid some honesty on me - "You've always been the one with the most potential, just never the desire to apply yourself." Truer words never spoken. Was great seeing her but at the same time, really sasd - her relationship made me believe some things did last forever, which has unfortunately been proven wrong. But I guess we both left with a sense of an optimistic future - every cloud, etc.

So now you're pretty much up to speed on my life, essentially trying to turn myself into a cage-fighting academic lothario :P Gotta dream the dream! Drop a line as to how you're doing, feel free to chat on MSN some time if you don't already, address is in the profile somewhere, hope all is well with you all over the world! The door is unlocked, go open it!

'What did moths hit into before the lightbulb?'

(Listen to this while reading - God knows I've been!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElO1il4gklQ

OK,

SO,

I thought it was time to bring something a bit closer to non-emo reality back to this blog. So, now, I present, a semi-happy me!

OK, so I'm still not sure about next year, but lately, I been thinking about doing pre-med, with a view to becoming a doctor. I aced my military medic training and am genuinely interested in medicine, so it's something I'm thinking pretty seriously about.

I went on a date with aforementioned girl. Yes, one. And it's another to add to the H for Hilarious chronicles. Honestly, I have stopped getting my hopes up. The warning sign shoulda been when she came up to talk to me first... :P But I swear to God, how many times on a first date can a girl say "Ex-Boyfriend" and "My Facebook page" before she realises she'd doing it!

I had some extreme road rage this morning. I was late for work, stuck behind some lovestain doing 30km/h. So naturally iI was right behind him when this bald gimp starts giving me the finger in his rear view. We pulled up side by side at the lights and he literally tried to hide behind his steering wheel when I wound down my window, told him to get out of his car and "LET'S ****ING GO, MOTHER****ER!" (I went Christian Bale on his ass the entire red light). Then, after wimping out, he started tailing me! So I slammed on my brakes, got outta my car with an empty glass V bottle, and laughed as I saw him suddenly not so tough and racing off! Easy to be a hard man behind a locked door!

I'm sorta loving seeing myself pop up in sigs and quotes around OT. I dunno if it's cool to be happy with how people percieve you online, but really, anything I post, I'd probably say in the real world, so it's a pretty accurate portrayal of me! So thanks for all the kind words, it does put a very real smile on my face!

I have been smoking way too much lately. I don't get drunk anymore and getting laid is a rare occurence at the moment - I need some sorta vice!

Before I go, I should tell you, me and the beautiful mod Alliecrombie are sorta an item. Well, an OT item. And not the married type either - I'm so terrified of real commitment I can't even get VIRTUALLY married! But if she reads this, baby, put it in your sig so I look like handsome arm candy and not a stalker with you in my sig :P

Time to go play basketball, loving the season being back, thanks again for your support around here, stay awesome!

"I can't win, I need more Intelligence..."

Quote comes from my own self, playing the original Fallout...

So as I drunkenly promised an unremembered tracker on MSN, I would update this scantly-read blog for the good of those who are reading them in between refreshing forums during a slow spell.

I'd love to tell you life continjues on it's boring cycle of slow work, busy weekends, repeat, but lately ore stuff that usual has been bubbling on. Girls arrive on the scene, I'm forced to think like a grownup, and I realise I may actually be addicted to the cigarettes again.

Perhaps the biggest worry is my old self esteem issues seem to get in teh way of everything I try to do. Now, I have made huge steps, realise I am NOT the ugliest man on the planet, that I have loved deeper and lost more than most, and yet, big decisions have a habit of regressing eventhe best of us (of which I certainly am not) to the state of inadequacy that some must surely feel. Basically, I was picked on and beaten up in high school, called ugly and stupid, if only by the typical bully. However, those 2 years of such treatment have seen me outlive a drinking problem lasting 7 years, cost me my dream job, seen me bounce from girl to girl, and develop what can now be called a gym addiction, hoping becoming intimidating will scare away my demons where drink and self harm have not drowned and disfigured them. All this among other things that I cannot admit to even in anonymity.

Anyway after all that, I have a really great girl interested in me, and am finally proactively thinking about finising my degree and making headway in my career. Now is where that whole "past" rant fits in - I view myself as incapable of offering anything to another woman, and believe myself nowhere near intelligent enough to finish an IT degree. I view this as the feeling you experience when you are drunk - you KNOW what you're doing is wrong, but you are powerless to act any different. I hate this.

I understand if this whole thing seems like a sook, and that's OK cos I hate myself for not being strong enough to keep it to myself. But the gym has become aprison rather than a release, the cigarettes don't work anymore, and I'd hate for my friends to realise that their funny, loving old buddy is a time bomb.

Well anywyay, whinge over. If you're reading this, I hope all is going well for you wherever you are in the world.

Christ's Sake...

Well, I met my former partner's new BF today - well not so much MET him as saw him clinging on needily to her waist...

We actually hung out the other night and I gotta say all the old signs are there - the way she plays with her hair and gets all giggly round me, we talked til the early hours, having left all our friends to do our own thing.

And the worst part is I don't know if I still have feelings for her or if I just hate being single. So I have joined the legion of pathetic OT'ers with girl issues. Thought I might bother you trackers with that - sorry if it's a little smoky around here, the whole things put me back on the cancer sticks... :P

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