This ain't one of those blogs where after nine paragraphs you hear me saying "Well, I'm too busy in life, so gaming is gone from my daily schedule.". No, that's practically impossible. Atleast, for me. Maybe it's a myth for most of us, as the vast majority is under 18. But, anyway, it's coming close, I guess.
But, Y'know. In the past weeks, I've been sort-of writing my own death-warrant. Yeah, it's a personal blog. On a Video Gaming Website. I know, I can spraypaint my life story on the subway walls. I can publish a book. Look, I know some of you narrowminded idiots love to point fingers and say what all in all pretty much sums up in being "Hey, look! That dude is doing something we dont do! He's trying to be superior!" with the fingers pointing wild.
Look, I don't give a ratsass, pal. The people, that read, and even comment on whatever **** I produce and write can say and think and do whatever they feel like doing. If some think I'm a nineteen year old alcoholic who's on the verge of screwing the last inch of his life away; Then that is not just your opinion, it's your judgemental brain taking command of your socially rejected ass.
I ain't writing this because I need others to say things that make me feel good. I'm typing this because it A; Makes me feel somewhat relieved. And B; If people are willing to show some good manners, it's a bonus which I appreciate.
But before I begin to make enemies...
Yeah, you've most likely noticed by the way I've written it so far; I'm not in a good mood. Not at all. Things aren't going well, and the future has only more trouble waiting for me. It's a big, gigantic cluster**** of problems. Now I'm nineteen, and according to some Podcast buddies o' mine - I drink way too much. If you consider a beer every four days being alcoholic; You must be a ****ing jackass.
Let me put it out of the way for the last time; I am a natural goddamn idiot. I talk like a Romanian who's trying to speak Swahili, I have the brain capacity of a Duyvis cocktail nut and the IQ of a German Shepard. Suck on that, stereotypes. I just went 8-Mile on you.
Anyway, I'm nineteen. In Dutch terms, I'm barely legal. If I'd still be in that godforsaken pit of Liberalism; I'd be filling stocks at a Texaco Shop. But, as I'm an American;
I got a phonebill of 378$, I own a Chevrolet S10 truck which drives 240$ worth of gasoline weekly, I live in a uptown Manhattan apartment which bleeds 750$ out of my pocket monthly and what makes it better is that the rent will go up 4% next month, Water, Gas and Electricity bills rack up to past the 500$ total.
...All in all, I only have one job. Well two, but one doesn't pay until my sorry ass has brought something worth mentioning to the table. I'm a UPS driver. For some, I am the trashbag of a bastard who happens to deliver you, the lazy man, your packages, and gets thanked by being called a "Overpaid prick who's deliveries suck and works for the nation's most anti-patriotic company.".
Anyway, I had to risk my job in order to pursuade my boss into giving me extra routes. I work seven days a week. Six hours a night. I drive routes that usually take three men to preform. And still, I barely make it through the month. Hell, it gets worse.
Day by day, I slowly sink into debt. I have never owed someone money, while knowing that there was no way in hell I am ever able of paying the guy back. People simply say "Get rid of the cellphone", "Sell the damn truck!". The truck costed me 400$. It's a old beater, it works fine and all, but the guy needed to get rid of it. All in all, I'm just lucky. I can put the truck for sale, sure, but people forget - I am from New York City. People won't use the bed of the truck to put something in there. It would get jacked within five goddamn seconds.
I do so, because they're boxes. It's not something people drag away within five minutes.
Seeing as selling the truck isn't gonna happen. Buying a new car is sure as hell a no-go. Why? Do you know someone who's selling a decent car for less than one grand? I don't think so. Sure, there's this '91 Camaro in the Auto-Trader that goes for 995$. I actually went to look at it. He forgot the fine print; "Car has no engine".
The phone? I already cancelled the 'contract', but seeing as it's a long term deal, it'll cost me atleast 100$ a month 'til Jan '09.
Now, I know some are saying "But how the **** is he still buying games, and why in the hell is he even buying 'em?". Simple awnser. I can still afford the damn things, you nitwit. I'm not flat-broke. I'm getting there, though. Video games kinda but me off the whole "Five minutes of clearing my mind, equals five minutes of mind-torturing myself". Shrinks call it "escaping reality".
Hmmpff, right. Even if I was in a self-inflicted coma caused by flying head-on into a wall; I would still know the bank and the people I'm starting to owe money to, they want their money back. And the bills, even if I'm playing a game like GTAIV for the first minute; In the back of my head, I know damn well my pockets are gonna be empty again within 27 days.
Now, it's becoming quite the life-story. So, I'm gonna tie a end to it.
I'm barely an adult, I live on my own, the only family I have, and that is willing to care for me, is a uncle who's in Holland. My debts are growing, I'm getting treated like I am a worthless sack of ****, my girlfriend decided to break up after three years and being my usual me; I'm supposed to let it fly by and pretend as if nothing happened.
Life's quite the ****in' *****.