How come it's always the guys you like, the ones you can never have, the ones that will never want you for more than a friend that tell you that any guy would be lucky to have you. Why do they always build up your confidence just to tear you back down, unintentionally that is of course. I just don't understand, if you tell me my heart is good, and there are so many great things about me why don't you see me the way you say guys should? It makes no sense. Don't tell me how great I am. Don't tell me that any one would be lucky to have me. Don't tell me that if any guy doesn't see those things then he is missing out. I can't be that awesome, I'm not that great. You see me but you don't really see me.You hear me, but are you really listening? I smile with my eyes, you're not perfect but to me you would be so worth it. Maybe I'm jealous of you, maybe that's why I like you. You're everything I've always wanted, and yet everything I'll never have. They lie to make you feel good. They lie to make you feel better. They lie.
Truth is, I give up as soon as I like a guy. It never works out, that's just my life. It's getting harder as I keep getting older. The more I try to not like a guy the harder I fall for him. I used to be good at this, hiding my feelings and forcing myself to stop liking someone. If only this were easy I could move on with my life. I guess I'm not the girlfriend type. I don't think I'd ever make a good wife. I'll always make a better friend, and that's it.
Suddenly, I'm ok with that. Friends are good, but I always say that. I want something more this time. I don't want to be the friend this time, I want to try. Even if it doesn't work out, at least I'd know I tried. But, that's a lie. Because I won't try, because I know that the feelings are not mutual. And because every time I do, I get hurt. I'm not going to live with a broken heart so I'm not going to let it be broken.
I'm sick of guys ALWAYS complaining about being in the darn friend zone. Hey guys, you're not the only ones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're not the only ones.
My life has come to this= Work, sleep, sit at home watch tv.
I know that things will go back to normal once I get a car, but that won't happen for a long time. I'm sick of being in this house. No one asks me out, I don't meet people, my friends, well who knows where they are. I'm sick of the only faces I see being my stupid jerk of a brother and his wife. I'm sick of sitting around not doing anything......I can't stand it. I need to get out.
Please don't take this message the wrong way!! I am very happy right now, life is awesome, how can it not be with a love like the love God has shown me? I just need a change of scenery every once in awhile. And this is my only way of venting, and since I know no one will read this, and no one I know, then this is the best way. Ha, because if anyone I know reads this they will for sure take it the wrong way.
And, the whole first part, well that's been something that's been building up for awhile. There's this guy I like right now and I'm trying so hard to not like him. To forget about him, but every time I see him he makes me smile. I can't not smile when he is around. He is so nice, but I can't see him with some one like me.Not saying he is judgemental or anything but his family would never approve of me if he did like me. (which he doesn't). It sucks but I'll get over it, ialways do. I'm just not good enough, and that's the truth. And not in a way that I'm putting myself down, cause I'm not. That's just the way it is. Ok, i'm going to shut up now because I'm making it worse lol