-Saigo-'s forum posts

#1 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -

Removing unions would be a tragic mistake.

#2 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -

I really liked this too. The language was vivid in its description and the tone fit the somber (and somehow smooth) mood perfectly.

However, there was one line that felt weak in comparison to the rest of the poem: "Anywhere but here since the here is painful to think about. Youth always brings mundane pain". I personally hate seeing the same word used repetitively, especially when it's only a sentence away, as it feels like soft writing that isn't pushing your expressive powers. There are a thousand ways to describe something, especially something as varied as pain, and it's our job as writers to not just find a word that works...but to find a word that works perfectly.

Overall, excellent work. Thank you for posting! 

#3 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -
I'm avoiding it for the very same reason! Is it spoiler free? Reviews always should be...but, you never know around here ^_^
#4 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -

This is excellent and true on all accounts. If I'm not pulled in with the first sentence, I won't waste my time on the rest. This is a fundamental principle that few GameSpot writers tend to grasp.

Well done, and thank you for posting!

#5 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -

If this is the case, it doesn't anger me, and I'm not trying to sound confrontational...I'd just like to know why. I'm always lacking input on this whole process!




Post some of your work sir, I'd be more than happy to take a look and get you into the limelight. 

#6 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -

This is great thread, with great advice.

I really feel like I've been putting out some quality blogs over the past month. I'm on #17!   

To be honest, I feel like I've been blacklisted. Like, my name is on the list of people who won't get featured, no matter what. 

If this is the case, it doesn't anger me, and I'm not trying to sound confrontational...I'd just like to know why. I'm always lacking input on this whole process!



Personally, I wrote for over a year without getting a comment. Either way, if you continue to post here we'd be more than happy to help you along the way as long as you're willing to take positive criticism. Earning a Soapbox emblem is not an easy task, but being featured can be earned with a single, albeit brilliant, blog.  

#7 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -
But I also agree with zyxe in the sense that it doesn't have to be an exposition either. A great writer includes detail without sacrificing flow.
#8 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -
I'd have to agree with rake on this one. If you're going to mention it, you have to elaborate at least enough to justify bringing it up. It's like sharing an opinion without providing an argument: You might get away with it...but fundamentally it's still bad form.
#9 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -
For what it's worth...I know all three and still don't understand what you're getting at. Are you satirically mocking reviewing in general?
#10 Posted by -Saigo- (359 posts) -

What does stigmintations mean? Do you mean, segmentations or stigmatizations? I couldn't find a meaning for it.

all can potentially blind a mind or a spirit strewn in nothingness I'd ditch the second "a" personally. I think it reads better as, "all can potentially blind a mind or spirit strewn in nothingness." Also, is the mind and spirit nothingness, or are they being thrown into nothingness? Because "in" will have a different meaning than "into" in this situation.

self interest - self-interest.

Fear is prominent in the mice a falcon sweeps to feast on Is it? I'd imagine the mouse has no clue what's happened when the falcon descends from the heavens and snatches it up in death's embrace.

What form our symbols take is begotten by self experience and more formally rectified in dreams. self-experience. Also, I'm not sure this sentence means exactly what you want it to. Right now it reads, "What form our symbols take is born by self-experience and more formally corrected in dreams."

I myself have asked God to take away from memory on the fleeing wings of angels, and through the same clouds the falcon frequents This is a good sentence but it could be a great sentence. How about, "I myself have pleaded with God to take away these memories, on the wings of fleeing angels, through the clouds the falcon frequents." The message is the same, but with an improved sentence structure (your sentence is a comma splice), and a few flashy words, this sentence really pops.

Why a bird of prey of symbolic significance.because it represents freedom absolute and power In writing there exists a sacred rule that can never be broken: Show, never tell. Right now you've completely pulled the reader out of the symbolic nature of the piece by, not only changing the voice / perspective, but through telling when you could be showing. Show us that the falcon is a being of freedom and power, don't just say it is!

Interactionists I don't think this is a real word ^_^

the falcon itself is the pacifist I'm not sure if pacifist works when describing a falcon. It kills to eat. Its very instinct is born from its need to kill.

I really like this type of writing and you're off to a good start. I'd work on making sure the words you use are real, and mean exactly what you want them too, and then you'll have something that really sizzles. Other than that, you had a few grammatical errors that are easy fixes but structurally it's not terrible, though you might consider going back and finishing in the same tone you started. I personally enjoyed the beginning much more than the end.