If this looks like the same game from the Dreamcast, you're right, it is.
Phantasy Star Online is the game that dares to ask the question "How many times can you port a game before you can officially start announcing that you're just doing it for the money?" If there has been one game beat to death in the MMO arena, it's poor little PSO. The game was originally developed sometime in the late 1800s and has been ported to every system under the sun excluding the original Nintendo. To top it all off, its not really that good of a game. In fact, dare I say it? It kind of sucks.
IA IA O
The first thing that most people will notice about PSO is that the enemies are as just a bit dumber than over ripe cantaloupes. Well, that isn't completely true, because I've known cantaloupes that did things like "dodge fire", and "move out of the way of each other". Most of the baddies in PSO will run towards you Gauntlet style in the hopes that they will reach you before they die. This would be a pretty effective strategy if all the players were fish and lacked the ability to move a joystick. Usually, the strategy for beating most enemies is running right past them and sitting on the other side of the room as they slowly amble toward you. From there, you can shoot at them until they reach you yet again and run past them again. Rinse, Repeat.
Sure it sounds easy, and it wouldn't be so difficult if the targeting system didn't hate you. Most of the time the camera will swing in the opposite direction of what you are attacking. This will assist you in getting a nice close-up of a tree while you practice swearing. Most of your deaths in this game will be followed by "Why the f*** am I looking at a wall?!?!". They couldn't have made this camera system more unfriendly if they programmed it to sleep with your girlfriend, slap you in the balls, and tell you how much you suck every fifteen seconds.
After you inevitably get the crap pounded out of you by a bunch of creatures that resemble some fourth grader's attempt to make a gerbil/chicken hybrid, you'll get what's known as a photon blast. Let's not pretend here, photon blast (PSO) = limit break (FF7). They function exactly the same. You get beat on a bunch, and you release a mega powerful blast that usually summons a bunch of candy Peeps or a worm. Yes a worm. Be afraid. These are all presented via a wonderfully Technicolor acid-inspired in-game movie which seems to end before your summoned characters do anything worthwhile. The worm will spin, the Peeps will bump heads, and all of this will leave you feeling empty, and wondering how many starving children in Ecctiobonia could eat for your monthly fee.
Literacy is Over Rated
But who needs to feed starving children when you can ask people half way around the world how the weather is? No kidding, thanks to PSO's multilingual chat system, you can make people who don't even speak your language hate you just as much as people that do! Using a menu of preset phrases, you can talk to people in foreign countries as though they spoke your own language. Unfortunately, most of the phrases that I use on a daily basis weren't in the list. Apparently, "How much for sucky-sucky?" didn't make the cut. I'm hoping they'll rectify this oversight in a future patch.
And that's not all. If you can't find your ideas in the pre-defined list of phrases, just send your emotions via various series of smilies. Sure it'll take up screen space, but everyone can read simlie-ese.
Why is this Happening?
Of course, all of this is second to the great story of PSO. The PSO epic is based on a true story originally printed in the fine print on the back of a waterbed pamphlet. In only a few hours, this game reveals a chronicle that took the pamphlet over 2 sentences to describe. Printed here for you convenience is the original memoir:
"Some people go to a planet and they die. So we send more people to investigate. Do not use waterbed as a floatation device."
AC: 10% This game surprisingly had the lowest number of a**h**** than any of the other MMOs I've played to date. This is mostly due to being constantly pelted with happy faces every time anyone said anything like " :D Eat s*** and die! :D" or "I'm a lonely pillow-biter getting mad at someone over a f***ing game :D :D :D "
LLA: 100% You don't even need to know English, or Japanese, or any language at all for this game. All you need to know is pictures. :) means 'good', :( means 'bad', and #()%#2222222222 means 'I fell asleep on my keyboard'.
LSR: "Stamp Collector" If you're playing PSO, you have to admit that you have no life. If this is the most fun way that you can think of to spend your time, then you're probably better off collecting stamps, or toenail clippings.
Conclusion
PSO is a vast (kinda small), wonderful (slightly entertaining) world with all the charm (mild interest) that an MMO (made by hyper-intelligent ballpoint pens) could be. All of this coupled with stunning visuals (for an N64), great music (resembling a Casio keyboard stuck on DEMO), and a wonderful community (I hate you all and hope you die). It truely is an MMO not to be missed (so aim carefully).