This is a very important issue for me so if you came to OT just to give joke answers, look elsewhere

Anyway I'll just give you some background so that you understand the problem more. Me and my family came to Japan about 5 years ago and my father has a job as an english teacher. Anyway about 2 years into our living here, he cheated on my mother. Then came about half a year of sheer hell ( We didn't know about it for like 6 months ) after me and my mother discovered this. My father didn't really even speak to me and just passed in and out of the apartment like we weren't here. My mother started smoking a lot and....well you get the picture. Eventually he stopped seeing her...or so we thought. Turns out the ****ard just lied and he was still seeing her. My mother found out and then she put a stop to it ( For sure that time, he completely changed the way he acted, got home at the expected times and I even surveyed his e-mail for a while ). Then more trouble, he started seeing another woman, but that passed over quicker then the last one ( He broke up with her and once again I made sure ). All was fine for a while, I was happy and everything seemed ok ( There was....stuff....that I found out he was doing but I decided not to tell my mother ). Ok, now one more horrible thing happened before my current problem. My mother saw his cell phone lying around and she looked inside only to find racy messages from one of his students ( Who has even come to our house and had private lessons ) I just...couldn't handle it anymore and broke down. He assured us that there was nothing going on between them ( Other than him not stopping her sending these messages ). Now....my real problem.

You see our computer has 2 profiles on it ( We run vista by the way ) and there is a bug where we have to restart the computer to change profiles. So obviously not wanting to change sides he just used my profile and....went to this "Tagged".com and used their matchmaking service to find a woman nearby. What do I do...this is all too...saddening.

This isn't meant to put a damper on your day but it sure as hell has put a damper on mine. I'm so angry I could just lash out at him...but at the same time I don't want the family to break up. What is sex all he thinks about? He is willing to take the risk of destroying his own family just to meet up with some *****. The future of my family and possibly my entire life hangs in the balance....

What do I do?

yeah...he is a ******* but...I have to consider my mother's happiness too. And...I'm simply not strong enough to tell this to my mother. My parents don't even know it but I've developed serious depression issues since the first incident, and it was only growing and growing. Doing something like that would....destroy my mind.

Maybe I just need to turn a blind eye

But I just found another question...do I actively stop my mother from finding out? How do you think my mother found out all those times? His cell phone, every single time. So....it is morally ****ed up but should I regularly check to make sure his cell phone is closed? But what if he gets a call? Then I have no control over the situation.

I guess my fate lies in fortuna's hands at this point

This is a very tricky situation.

On the one hand there doesn't seem to be a place for your father in that family anymore. Some people here agree with that yes? He really is becoming quite a monster (sorry!) Your mother deserves to be treated a lot better than that. And so do you.

If you tell your mother and discuss that your father should leave then it might just come true. Maybe you will be better off without him in your lives.

However,

He is still your daddy and he always will be, no matter how many mistakes he continues to make or how appalling his attempts to satisfy his sexual needs are. If you choose to say goodbye to him it might just hurt you even more if he stays. A lot of people will grow up wanting, not just a good dad, but any dad perhaps.

You need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. You need a license to catch a fish! Anyone can become a father...but it takes something special to be a dad.

I think you should leave your mother out of this and sit down with this fellow and really tell him how you are feeling and how this is hurting you. That will tell you what sort of person he really is: A father or a dad...

Write back

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Thanks BL, I've always enjoyed your posts in the past and this was a really thoughtful reply.

I've known my dad for a long time and I know he's a fairly good person and that he genuinely does care what happens to me. He had a troubled childhood, his mother had mental issues and I do think that negatively affected him. It might explain why he is like this. I'm not trying to rationalize or downplay the bad things he has done but I do think deep down he is a good person. I think I'll just...let it slide. I really could never deal living without him.

Plus he hasn't taught me how to shave yet