It's really like owning a puppy - then neglecting it after you start playing Advance Wars: Dual Strike.
To: jingle.kringle@north.pol
From: bornyesterday@lol.com
dear santa
i want a puppy can i pls have a puppy for xmas? thanks!
-BY
To: bornyesterday@lol.com
From: jingle.kringle@north.pol
Ho ho ho, B.Y.!
Merry Christmas. I've given you the means to raise your own puppy, in this little card no larger than a postage stamp. You'll notice that you can choose to raise one of many different types of puppies. Pick out which one you like. Pet him - he won't ever bite you - and coddle him.
Soon you'll be able to name him - make sure you speak to him clearly so that he can hear you. You'll have to repeat his name so that he can understand you're calling out to him. Once you've done all that, he's yours to train and play with!
Enjoy, my child!
- K. Santa Claus
To: jingle.kringle@north.pol
From: bornyesterday@lol.com
dear santa
thx sooo much for teh dogs! i Went to the kennal and play with the dogs there. they let me pet them it was so cool. Each puppy came to me and wanted my attention. this one chiwawa he kept sniffing me south of the border a lot so I named him Comander Taco.
playing with taco is so easy. i just pet him and rub his stomach. and then pick a ball and i can throw it against the walls of the house and he goes crazy!
i want to say tho that i was able to teach him to sit. i just pointed down. and then after doing it three times he sat. I thought it be prety funny to tell him something else than "sit" so i told him to "w00t" and now every time i say "w00t" he sits. i think i can make him do tricks and then call the trick anything!
he keeps chaseing his tale around. i think i will call that trick "buttcrack". lolz!
also where can he poop. i've had him for three days in the house and he didn't poop. so now he's starting to sulk and look sick.
-BY
To: bornyesterday@lol.com
From: jingle.kringle@north.pol
My dear child,
Um. I'm overjoyed that you're having fun with your chihuahua! I would advise you, though, to not tell your dog "buttcrack" whenever you want him to chase his tail. Commander Taco should be treated with respect like any other member of the family.
Did you buy him food and water from the store? I understand that you might be short on money, so ask your parents for some, or buy him dry food and water. Just remember that once in awhile, if you pamper him with wet food and milk, Commander Taco will love you all the more.
Don't forget to walk him, either - he can't go potty in the house. Make sure you plan out a safe walking route for him on your map! It's very important that he goes to the bathroom outside, and also make sure to keep the route short in case your dog gets tired. Commander Taco will get stronger as he walks more and as you train him to catch a frisbee. That's his exercise. Don't forget that!
When you've grown comfortable with him, do enter him into some tournaments. It will win you some money which you can put towards buying nicer things for the little fella. Get enough money and you might even be able to go back to the kennel and get a second dog!
Enjoy,
- K. Santa Claus
To: jingle.kringle@north.pol
From: bornyesterday@lol.com
santa
soooo i enter my dog into a doggie show. they told me I had to chose obedience, obstacle course or frisbee throw. I chose the obedience becos I tought him lots of tricks like "w00t" which meant sit, buttcrack and shake my hand. But when the anouncer told me to make him do something i coulnt do it at all. its like the dog was hard of hearig. I had to shout the comand over and over. Comander taco is sick maybe?
then so i put him in the frisbee thing. i threw it real far and he took so long to bring me back the frisbe, and he didn't even cach it! so i got no points. what to do
-BY
To: bornyesterday@lol.com
From: jingle.kringle@north.pol
My dear B.Y.,
Perhaps "w00t" is too hard for the dog to understand, especially under the pressure of competition. You should really re-train him to sit and use a more clear, distinctive word or words, like, "Please sit down!" The dogs may have trouble discerning words, you know. You must speak loud and clear at it. Also, to ensure your dog's health, you need to bathe it. You have been cleaning it, yes? If not, you'd better high-tail it to the store and get some shampoo. Wash those fleas out by putting lathering Taco up with the shampoo and then spraying him down with water. His coat will literally sparkle when you're done. You'll see!
As far as the frisbee goes, are you sure you spent enough time training Taco? You know, you can take him out to the park and get a feel for how far he can run to jump and catch a frisbee in his mouth. As you keep testing him, he absolutely will get stronger and more energetic. Just keep at it, and be patient! Everything takes practice. Also, make sure Taco has the opportunity to play with other dogs at that park.
Have you met any other friends with my special brand of puppies yet? If you're feeling nice, you can try exchanging gifts with them so their puppies can use them too. If you have nothing, don't fret. Taco will often seek out gifts and bring them back to you, which you can then re-gift to other dog owners later. Make sure it's not an Osterizer though. I've gotten plenty of returned Osterizers because they're always being re-gifted. My North Pole warehouse is full of them.
My dogs are special, so I have to ask. Have you gotten Taco to break-dance yet? It's an amazing trick that not just any dog can do.
Yours,
- K. Santa Claus
To: jingle.kringle@north.pol
From: bornyesterday@lol.com
Hi santa so i went on vacation for the past two weks and i left my dog at home. when I came back, he had fleas everywhere and didn't come to me at all. like he was mad at me. What to do!
-BY
To: bornyesterday@lol.com
From: jingle.kringle@north.pol
B.Y.,
I see you didn't think to leave Taco in a doggie hotel! Oh, my. The staff at the doggie hotel will treat him right whenever you have to leave him alone for awhile. For goodness sake, I can't believe I didn't mention this to you. I truly apologize!
Give him a good bath, feed him some wet food and milk, and then toss the tennis ball around a bit.
- K. Santa Claus
To: jingle.kringle@north.pol
From: bornyesterday@lol.com
hi santa
just update nmews
I left Taco alone for a while. he was in the house but i dnt feed him. also i dnt bath him or play with him either. i started playing videogames and kind of forgot about him. i had much fun with him for the last two months but then when i started playing the games i forgot to pay him atention.
last time i saw him was three weks ago. its like when i forogt to put him in the hotel he was mad at me and just sat on the ground.
now he's gone the cat ate him.
-BY
To: bornyesterday@lol.com
From: jingle.kringle@north.pol
B.Y.,
That is impossible! How can your cat eat your puppy? You need to be careful when telling stories. I certainly hope you don't lie about more important matters! You might end up on my naughty list for next year.
- K. Santa Claus
To: jingle.kringle@north.pol
From: bornyesterday@lol.com
wtf
i'm not lying. see the pic.
http://trigames.net/pics/eat_nintendog.jpg