Human remains found on Tom Nook's pig farm
APRIL FOOL'S DAY: Authorities believe bones, torn clothes strewn around property of loan shark raccoon belonged to dozens of rival moneylenders.
ANIMAL CROSSING--Local general-store proprietor Tom Nook is in police custody after the discovery of human remains on his pig farm. In a predawn raid to serve a search warrant on unrelated money-laundering charges, authorities were horrified to discover several pigs gnawing on a human torso.
Though primarily known as a shopkeep, Nook had a very lucrative loan-sharking business on the side, authorities said. The raccoon had a penchant for luring out-of-towners and forcing them to take on large amounts of debt in exchange for Section 8-qualifying housing. The remains found on the farm are believed to be a number of business associates who had gone missing in recent months.
One customer of Nook's, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of retribution, said that the store owner had been acting stressed as of late. Recently introduced public transportation to the nearby city has siphoned off some of his customer base. Prior to the transit system, Nook had a virtual monopoly on the town, which he flexed with huge markups on life-saving prescription drugs and baby formula.
The arrest came as a shock to many of the town's residents, who described the raccoon as a gregarious sort.
"He was the head of our welcoming committee and always had a cheerful thing to say," according to Animal Crossing resident Baarbara. "He was my N****."
The above story is (obviously) fictitious, and was written as part of GameSpot's annual April Fool's Day celebrations. Its content is purely satirical and comedic, and is not intended to be interpreted as an assertion of fact. It also does not reflect the actual views of GameSpot or its parent company, CBS Interactive.
162 comments
"The N-Word" is a reference to another article about games given out by Nintendo that had it. haha ^_~
im scared of nook and i dont think that i sould shop there or i might become one of those bodies
If you guys want a really crazy Animal Crossing story with Tom Nook, look up "The Terrible Secret of Animal Crossing."
Well considering I still owe him 150 000 bells, i'm not too upset about his sudden arrest. I just wonder how those bones really got there "whistles*.
The defendant, Tom Nook, charged with... *1 count of first-degree murder *500,000+ counts of fraud *One count of rape
Well, who didn't see this coming? Tom Nook has always been the crazy bastard doing this stuff.
I told all my friends, but they didnt believe me! i said my animal crossing files were being mysteriously deleted. They told me they did it as an april fools joke. But now i have evidence that tom nook has been stealing my characters! and using their remains, (after crazy redd makes paintings out of most of the body) as food for his pigs. Ha, so im NOT crazy.
That one was pretty good, probably the best April Fools Joke today for GS. I knew it was a joke, but it was still fun to read. Maybe thats's why this one was better than the other ones. Last paragraph is kinda dumb, but the rest is pretty good.
No! It can't be! I always trusted him! It's a good thing I haven't played Animal Crossing for a while. I might be dead right now.
""He was the head of our welcoming committee and always had a cheerful thing to say," according to Animal Crossing resident Baarbara. "He was my N****." " LMAO
i always wondered what would happen if you didnt pay him back. Its a good thing i did. But i feel ya Baarbara.
rofl "Gaze into the face of evil!" wow lmao that had me rolling xD good one keep em coming! *its only once a year of course*
HAHAHAHAHAHA absolutely brilliant whoever thought of this should write stories for theonion or cracked.com.
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