Boll to brawl critics onscreen in Postal movie?

  • By thorsen-ink, GameSpot
  • Posted Jun 12, 2006 3:49 pm PT

Source: A press release on entertainment site Skewed & Reviewed attributed to Boll. The official story: See below. What we heard: Ever since House of the Dead hit theaters in 2003, Uwe Boll has become one of gamers' favorite whipping boys. Besides the aforementioned adaptation, the director...

Source: A press release on entertainment site Skewed & Reviewed attributed to Boll.

The official story: See below.

What we heard: Ever since House of the Dead hit theaters in 2003, Uwe Boll has become one of gamers' favorite whipping boys. Besides the aforementioned adaptation, the director has turned two other high-profile games-- Alone in the Dark and BloodRayne--into critically eviscerated would-be blockbusters.

Although he hasn't received many box-office dollars for his efforts, Boll has been the subject of the slings and arrows of countless snide forum posts and deprecating articles. So, today, when Skewed & Reviewed first posted a press release announcing that Boll wanted to take on his detractors in the boxing ring, many took it to be the latest in a series of running jokes about the Schweinfurt, Germany-based filmmaker.

Guess what? It isn't.

Today, GameSpot contacted Boll's recently-hired-but-already-weary-sounding publicist to inquire if the release on Skewed & Reviewed was indeed the real thing. "Here is the press release that you requested," was the sum of the terse e-mail response, which came with a complete version of the release attached.

"Uwe Boll Challenges His Critics 'To Put Up Or Shut Up!'" was the headline of the bellicose statement. It went on to throw down the gauntlet to Boll's online detractors, much like the titular characters did in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

"I am fed up," said Boll. "I'm fed up with people slamming my films on the Internet without see[ing] them. Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand Internet voices. Half of those opinions come from people who've never watched my films."

To answer his critics, Boll is orchestrating what might be considered one of the more bizarre sweepstakes in memory. After he finishes the ongoing shoot of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, and the subsequent project, Seed, starring the TV incarnation of Conan the Barbarian, bodybuilder Ralf Moeller (Gladiator), Boll will move onto the big-screen version of studio Running With Scissors' controversial Postal series. During that shoot, Boll will personally take on his biggest detractors in boxing matches to be used in the film.

"Towards the end of the filming of Postal the five most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms," read Boll's press release. "As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/stand-in in Postal and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING [emphasis in the original] to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10-bout match. There will be five matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All five fights will be televised on the Internet and will be covered by international press."

However, not just anyone who is so inclined will have the chance to put the smackdown on Boll. "To be eligible you must be a critic who has posted on the Internet or have written in magazines/newspapers at least two extremely negative articles in the year 2005. Critics of 2006 will not be considered," said Boll's statement, meaning that said disparaging reviews must predate the theatrical release of BloodRayne.

Boll also called out two of his fellow filmmakers by name to take him on in the ring. "Roger Avary and Quentin Tarantino are among the most eligible candidates," read the statement, referring to the writer and writer/director of Pulp Fiction. Avary also wrote the screenplay for the film version of Silent Hill and will write and direct the upcoming big-screen spin on the Driver games.

Would-be challengers must submit proof of negative reviews and/or comments via e-mail to info@boll-kg.de. They must also submit to a physical to prove they are a healthy male between 140 and 190 pounds and must sign a waiver saying they will not subsequently ask for fees or residuals following their ringtime with Dr. Boll. In recompense, the winning challengers will be provided hotel rooms in Vancouver, location of the Postal shoot.

Bogus or not bogus?: Not bogus. WHO YA GOT?!?!?

271 Comments

  • phelegethon

    Posted Jan 16, 2009 1:41 am PT

    Before I say this I want to make it clear that I think Uwe Boll is a terrible director. One scene in Reservoir Dogs is worth more than all of Uwe Boll's films. Although I dread to see Metal Gear Solid adapted to the screen, already better than a lot of movies as is, I was overcome with exaltation when Hideo Kojima said he would never let Boll go near his video game.
    That said, I would like someone to kick Tarantino's ass to take him off his high horse.

  • Tentunf

    Posted Jan 9, 2008 1:41 am PT

    Sounds to me like he is just going to look for reviewers he can actually take out. And with as little time as he spends directing the movies he butchers, he must have a lot of time to train....

    So I say the smart money is on a Boll wins in the ring.

    And yes, through no small feat of endurance (masochism?) I have watched entire films by this man.

  • Factor-Zer0

    Posted Jul 18, 2007 2:04 pm PT

    love postal, movie looks enjoyable.

  • Andonio

    Posted Jun 9, 2007 11:35 am PT

    This is gonna be good......

  • mattxavier

    Posted Sep 16, 2006 7:21 am PT

    Someones about to get knocked out.

  • garethmb

    Posted Aug 22, 2006 10:45 pm PT

    Hi, Here is the news we broke on Monday. http://sknr.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=664&Itemid=76 Credit for the story is Gareth Von Kallenbach Skewed and Reviewed.

  • pwner1

    Posted Aug 10, 2006 8:09 am PT

    Uwe will kill his challengers.

  • crackman64

    Posted Aug 2, 2006 3:09 pm PT

    First you're right about Jack Thompson vs. Uwe Boll, flatline711. Second, he's better keep his hands off of halo. If Master Cheif were a real person, he would so kill Uwe Boll. Now Uwe Boll directing a phoenix wright movie is a scary thought. (Shudder)

  • thetruesonic

    Posted Jul 26, 2006 11:40 am PT

    i think boll is just jack thompson in disguise, destroying games reputation silently.

  • Elcar

    Posted Jul 7, 2006 5:57 pm PT

    I'd pay to see this. I wonder what the date for the matches will be.

  • Reyveign

    Posted Jul 5, 2006 12:32 am PT

    The guy/gal thats picked had better be buff as **** or I might just go "Postal". Knock that guys lights out. Seriously.

  • DuoMxwll

    Posted Jul 4, 2006 1:11 am PT

    Wish I could be one of the guests because I'd give'em something to think about while he's unconscious

  • SeraphimPhoenix

    Posted Jun 23, 2006 7:11 am PT

    A lot of people have probably seen this already, and I hope one of Boll's opponents actually does this.

    http://ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060621

    I've seen both Bloodrayne and House of the Dead. They sucked. If you look deeply, you might see where he's going, and I mean Mariana Trench deep. But of course, we can't survive that deep, so I guess Boll's screwed. Someone, anyone, please kick his a**.

  • tanner2000

    Posted Jun 22, 2006 10:51 pm PT

    I pray that they find out that lennox lewis was a critic. all he is gonna do is pick the worst people he can based on the physical

  • Nuke_trooper

    Posted Jun 22, 2006 7:19 pm PT

    MwaHahahaha.. Boll's goin Postal
    I think all the bad press finally pushed him too far.

  • Predator_Spear

    Posted Jun 22, 2006 6:26 pm PT

    MEIN DIGITS! I hope someone beats him down to a pulp for massacaring BloodRayne.

  • Juric

    Posted Jun 22, 2006 5:25 pm PT

    Me thinks this is just another way to take some advantage of some tax law thingi in Germany...

  • KFrosty3

    Posted Jun 22, 2006 8:59 am PT

    Do you think he has a trainer? Cuz if he don't....

  • laeb21

    Posted Jun 22, 2006 8:04 am PT

    Ok. Uwe Boll's a terrible director, but the crack about comparing it to pedophilia seems a bit much. Of course we should allow him and anyone who trusts him to waste billions of their not so hard earned cash and time making bad video game movies. the Faster Uwe Boll makes more and more movies that no one sees, the faster we'll see him leave the buisness and get replaced by someone who doesn't suck so much at making video game movies. By letting him make his movies and simply not going to them we hurt him far more than any critic will by breaking his already ugly mug. Also, I'm pretty sure that most Acclaimed Directors are neither geniouses nor sane by common standards. they work in an industry where they are offering their artistic vision to billions of people. That's probably got to take an ego somewhat beyond sanity, and I'd be shocked to find one who was well-adjusted with all that wealth and personal protection and yet without some 'emotional therapist.'

    still, let's get rid of the craziest one the best way we know how. Not killing - not even complaining, leave that to the critics, the professionals. Just joyfully watch the doofus slide into bankruptcy. It'll take a while, but ultimately it will be quite satisfying.

  • spidy0001

    Posted Jun 22, 2006 7:59 am PT

    instead of taking the time to publicly humiliate himself because people don't like his movies (how stupid is that?) why doesn't he just take the time to write a good script and direct a respectable movie? *sigh* i can hear Darwin's theory kicking in.

  • trek_man

    Posted Jun 22, 2006 12:20 am PT

    Dude this guys f*cking nuts, ill bet tarantino will kick his ass big time, far out, get a katana and send uma thurman on his stinking-german-hitler-crap-directing-mutha**ckin ass. Dude hes gonna get smashed and what'll that do to his career

  • SplinterCell37

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 9:30 pm PT

    Hey, you know what I reckon? He's not totally mad. The fights will be rigged, pre-coreographed. He's not gonna lose any of the fights because he'll be paying those people money to lose.

    But he's still stupid.

  • gamerguy46

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 9:25 pm PT

    Genius. Acclaimed Director. Sane. Uwe Boll....

    One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong...

  • Karjah

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 9:15 pm PT

    Is he cracked up. Seriously I've never critized his movies since I've never seen them but this takes the cake of all the insnae things I've heard about this guy.

    How good is footage of entirly ametur boxers really going to look in a movie anyway?

    Postal has NOTHING to do with boxing!

  • Interslicery

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 9:13 pm PT

    you just know that whoever qualifys will be training at some boxing place to prepare

  • nt00mdnrkist

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 7:56 pm PT

    Paul Anderson is a god in film making compared to Uwe Boll, at least the Resident Evil license was fairly good IMHO. Those kept to the storyline and general feel of the games, they even hired actors that played the game beforehand. As with AvP he took some creative license since they really was no backstory to begin with set in the 'present'. At least he hit the backstories and key features on the head. Anyhow I would definitely pay for a ticket to Vancouver to just watch this go down, walk on to the set with a heavy object and pull a Tanya Harding move on that dome of his... several times if he's still concious.
    Someone please startup a petition site to stop this monster from doing what he loves, butchering our childhood memories. For those that believe this is his "artistic vision" I pose a question to you: Would you allow a pedophile to rape every little kid in a city just because that is what he loves and that is what his "vision" is? Uwe Boll is raping our childhoods, please help put a stop to these atrocities!
    Also those that should be held accountable are the screenplay writers and execs that just see $.$ (however little it maybe, and at the cost of gamers dispising them for allowing creatures like Boll and others to handle their license), Boll is still as much a part of it since he accepted the deals (I don't doubt that with each movie he directs he gladly slices a piece of his soul off in order to "do what he loves.")

  • gkiller

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 5:44 pm PT

    Now what about Paul Anderson?

  • laeb21

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 4:18 pm PT

    First, he butchered your favorite video games on the big screen! Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, and countless others have gone down before his mightily bad directing skills. But Uwe Boll's not done. Now he'll butcher your beloved critics in the boxing ring.
    NOW! This Summer, Uwe Boll's KICKING IT UP A NOTCH, BAM! in the theatrical release of

    "OH SNAP IT'S UWE BOLL'S FIST IN A CRITIC'S FACE!"

    also known as "Postal."

  • NinjaWallace

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 2:25 pm PT

    Awesome.

  • dragonfish09

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 2:05 pm PT

    (laughing moronically)
    haha...ha..hahahaha.. he

    Wow, if he actually goes through,haha, this is foooony.

  • codezer0

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 2:01 pm PT

    It makes me wish I was a critic... I'd go in boxing... then after I'm done, smash his face in with a chair for bastardizing House of the Dead.

  • agentwaffles

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 1:08 pm PT

    hold up i just pissed my pants.. ahhh the warmness what is he trying to prove.. heh me keeel you in ring! while we play ramstien in backround hiel hitler in hell you .... monkey

  • darkskunk0

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 11:55 am PT

    Every time he says something, I think I've heard the dumbest thing a human mind can create and form into words, and every time, Uwe proves me most horribly and disgustingly wrong. It hurts to merely fathom what goes through the vast wasteland of his mind.

  • WickedLogic

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 11:02 am PT

    BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SILLY!

    use this url if u wanna see uwe get TRASHED.

    http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20060621

    all i have to say is that this will be one of the internet's top downloaded videos when it comes out. who doesnt wanna see this guy get smashed?

  • Rawksawce

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 10:01 am PT

    *holds up "KILL HIM, TARANTINO" sign*

    >_>

  • chriscodyc

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 8:39 am PT

    He better keep the location of the ring secret, lest I jump in and kick his ugly mug off his skull.

  • Double_Zeta

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 7:44 am PT

    Watch out for his German right hook.

  • MyDamnUsername

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 7:27 am PT

    He's got more rules and stipulations than women playing poker! Typical chesseball. He'll cut out the ones that beat him I'm sure and have standby staged footage of him beating others.

  • Honaro

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 7:01 am PT

    When im gonna go in there im just gonna straight out and yell something like

    "Mortal Kombat!!"

    or

    "I must prevent you from screen raping master chief!"

    The ass kicking he is gonna get will be so bad his kids will inherit the bruises

  • SaMuRaI_Slice

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 5:04 am PT

    Well looks like he's dead. Over 20 people all wanting to beat up Boll? He won't survive.

  • DarkFalco3000

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 4:25 am PT

    Doesn't matter if he knows how to box... Apparently many people hate his movies and surely one of them would be able to take him down.

    either way I can't wait for this. It's gonna be pretty funny.

  • Viper_the_snipe

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 2:12 am PT

    Type in Uwe Boll in Google video... I've never seen one of his movies, but this guy will surely put up a fight, he's been an active member of the Bayer Leverkusen Boxing section for 10 years.
    The first result is a documentation filmed by him about boxing, so I guess he knows his stuff.

  • Damean_Blood

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 1:13 am PT

    I have seen Bloodrayne and his other loads of crap piece of garbage films... I will only say two things about Bloodrayne.

    1. The only reason you should be purchesing the DVD is for the Free PC version of Bloodrayne 2 (Full game too)

    2. BLOODRAYNE SHOULD BE THE ONLY MAIN CHARACTER! NOT SHARING IT WITH A COUPLE BLOODY HUMANS! D:

  • duck-and-cover

    Posted Jun 21, 2006 12:49 am PT

    By deciding to put a boxing scene in the Postal movie, Uwe Boll is only confirming the criticisms made about him. The story line has absolutely, positively nothing to do with his “clever” idea. What is Boll thinking? He can’t just add whatever he wants into a pre-made plot line or script. I HAVE seen his movies, and they ARE horrible. The dialogue is horrible, the acting is horrible, and one can’t take it seriously. Granted, the special effects in Boll’s movies aren’t the worst, but he has to learn that they can’t carry his films. Boll SHOULD be criticized, for he is ruining perfectly good game licenses. I believe that Boll should listen to the criticisms, and make constructive changes in his filming style, instead acting like sore loser. Upon entering the cinema world, Boll should have realized what he was getting into. Boll should “shut up and listen,” instead of acting like a cocky, talented director (which he is anything but). Boll really must take a hint. I hope Running With Scissors comes to it’s senses, since the Postal series is one of my favorites. If Boll screws up the Postal movie, I will be sorely pissed. Maybe we’ll get lucky and the Postal Dude will sic Champ on Boll.

  • LindenRathan-

    Posted Jun 20, 2006 11:30 pm PT

    I'll definately be downloading Postal the movie.

    And its hardly that amazing considering the deity actor Vin Diesel, but what game did he design?

  • Bruce_McGivern

    Posted Jun 20, 2006 10:05 pm PT

    I would pay cold hard cash to watch Quentin Tarantino pummel Uwe Boll.

  • gamerfps

    Posted Jun 20, 2006 12:36 pm PT

    *Prepares Ultra Flame-Shield*

    I've honestly enjoyed all of Uwe Boll's movies (except Bloodrayne).

    I honestly hope he can seriously whoop some @$$. I would pay any amount of money to see him fight Roger Ebert.

    Why is he calling out Avary and Tarantino though? In my opinion that's kind of pushing it.

  • nobeaner

    Posted Jun 18, 2006 4:22 pm PT

    This is the crazy stuff that our generation will be judged on.

  • Jyo4life

    Posted Jun 18, 2006 3:19 pm PT

    Hopefully Quentin Tarantino will start bulking up!!! Pump that Iron!!

  • CaptainLunchbox

    Posted Jun 18, 2006 12:01 pm PT

    Lucky critics. I like how instead of maybe improving his film making techniques, he just wants to get his @$$ kicked. i've seen all of his videogame related films, they have all sucked. hard. this is film making, idea-raping at its absolute worst. not that any of the games he's based his movies on are stellar, but come on.

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