Colonial Marines storm Sega HQ

TOKYO--This morning, residents of the Ota district of Tokyo awoke to the sounds of aerial bombardment and pulse-rifle fire. The noise was caused by a predawn assault by United States Colonial Marines on the headquarters of Sega Corp., the publisher and current holder of the game rights to Aliens. The mission's objective was to retake the game license by force and was sanctioned by the Extrasolar Colonization Administration (ECA).

The ECA approved the assault after years of frustration with Sega's handling of the Aliens IP. In late 2006, the Japanese publisher loudly announced its acquisition of the coveted sci-fi license. Then, it commissioned two of the US' top independent developers--Gearbox Software and Obsidian Entertainment--to make a shooter and a role-playing game based on the classic 1986 film. Last month, though, word emerged that Sega had canceled the Obsidian RPG, and the publisher still refuses to clarify the status of the Gearbox project.

"They had the license for more than two years and we saw virtually nothing," said USCM Staff Sgt. Al Apone, leader of this morning's assault. "Now, the Obsidian RPG is KIA, the Gearbox game is MIA, and they're developing an Aliens vs. Predators game? That was the last straw. You can only tell people every meal is a banquet and every formation is a parade for so long..."

The USCM attack began at approximately 4 a.m. Tokyo Time, when two dropships launched from the colonial starship USS Sulaco, currently in low Earth orbit. After a rapid descent, the ships deployed a pair of Armored Personnel Carriers (APCs) before taking out Sega HQ's air defenses and surface-to-surface missile batteries.

After some initial confusion on the part of the force's commanding officer, Lt. William Gorman, the two APCs crashed through the heavily armored front gates of Sega's HQ. The USCM platoon quickly overwhelmed the company's security forces after a brief firefight that left 12 employees and six hedgehogs dead. Approximately 10 executives in charge of the license were taken into custody.

As for the Aliens IP, which was recovered from an underground vault, it will revert to control of its original owner, the Weyland-Yutani Corporation. The multiplanet conglomerate--which focuses primarily on space freight, terraforming, and black-ops military technology--is currently looking for a new publisher for the Aliens games.

"We will have more news to share about our Aliens franchise games in the near future," said Weyland-Yutani director of marketing Carter Burke in a statement. "Please stay tuned for future correspondence regarding our products."

Weyland-Yutani reps also confirmed that it will house those captured in this morning's operation on its bioweapons vessel the USM Auriga until they are questioned and processed.

The above story is (obviously) fictitious, and was written as part of GameSpot's annual April Fool's Day celebrations. Its content is purely satirical and comedic, and is not intended to be interpreted as an assertion of fact. It also does not reflect the actual views of GameSpot or its parent company, CBS Interactive.