Broken, unresponsive controls ruin a potentially fun game
Muscle March is a simple game. You play as one of a few juiced bodybuilders donning only a Speedo and chase down the bad guy who stole your protein. That's it. There isn't any more explanation, but there honestly doesn't need to be any either. Muscle March is happy-go-lucky to the max, and it's very, very Japanese in its zaniness. Everything is brightly colored, the music is happy J-pop, and almost everything else is done jokingly. Everything thing about this game, from its core concept to its presentation is over-the-top in a good way.
The bright visuals are nice, even if they're quite terrible on a technical level. The hyper stylization does wonders to make the game appealing and it manages to find a charm in its own appearance. The audio is decent too. The music is forgettable but it satisfies the game's needs.
Where Muscle March truly collapses is in its controls. While chasing the protein thief, all the running is done automatically for the player. Using the Wii Remote and Nunchuck, the player needs to copy the body shape made by the thief in order to fit in the holes in the walls he left while fleeing. It's basic, but the idea itself does have potential for fun. However, the controls are simply too unreliable and infuriating to take advantage of the unique concept of the game.
There are four positions the player could make: both arms down, both arms up, right one up, left one up. Instead of the on-screen character following the player as he raises and lowers his arms, the character's arms automatically fling once the player crosses an invisible line. The controls don't feel fluid ever. Worse, they don't respond well either. A lot of the time, truly making the poses (as is intended, I assume) simply doesn't register with the game. Instead, it's easier to sit down and stand the Wii Remote or Nunchuck straight up or straight down when necessary. And even when doing this, the game still doesn't always get it right. There's simply no fun to be had with this broken game.
There are only nine levels to play (three levels broken down into three parts), and there's no incentive to go back and re-play the game. There's a multiplayer mode, but this just leads to four people getting mad at their unresponsive controls instead of the usual one. Muscle March is short and can be beaten in just an hour and a half, also.
Overall, Muscle March is a major disappointment. Priced at only 500 Wii Points ($5), the game seemed like it had a lot going for it. The art and style is all excellent, but the game itself is an utter failure. The lack of content is disappointing, and the horrible controls for what little content there is doesn't justify the $5 price tag. Avoid Muscle March like the plague.