After starring in a couple of unsuccessful games during the 16-bit era, Steven Seagal has finally decided to lend his likeness to the mobile world, which was--apparently--clamoring for his presence. Consequently, Fudomyo's splash screen features a picture of a toga-wearing, tribal-tattooed demigod who bears a passing resemblance to the breviloquent star of Hard to Kill. This is probably the game's best feature. With its disjointed, menu-driven, latency-laden gameplay, Fudomyo might as well be a WAP title.

At worst, Fudomyo could be called an expensive game of rock-paper-scissors. At best, it might be hailed as a primitive card battle game. Either way, it certainly does not live up to the extreme hype generated by last year's multiplayer-hungry mobile gaming community.

In Fudomyo, you create a martial artist, choose from one of several fighting styles, and build that character's stats and abilities by winning various online skirmishes. Additionally, you are asked to invent battle cries for your character--one for before a bout and one to follow a victorious one. In both cases, I chose "Bow before me, you roguish, rump-fed pumpion!"

Each style has an advantage. For example, "Dragon" style, which presents a graphical avatar that most closely resembles Mr. Seagal, features stronger kicks than "Tiger" style, which emphasizes punches. The basis for these distinctions is shoddy at best, since everyone knows that Tigers rely on judo throws, and not punches, as their principle means of attack.

Combat is turn-based. Before each round, you must select three moves to be performed in succession. Depending on your opponent's choices, these may or may not prove effective. For example, if your opponent punches high and you happen to have selected a high block, his move will be countered. As you progress through the game, you may, supposedly, acquire new, more-powerful moves. However, I was unable to do so, as boss battles, which are necessary steps toward advancement, proved inaccessible. After each of about 30 attempts to connect to some sort of boss-battling mode, I received the message, "The spirits cannot be reached." This excuse might have worked a year ago, when Fudomyo was first previewed and mobile multiplayer was still a mystical concept. Now that we've enjoyed online titles like Bejeweled Multiplayer, the magic is gone. It is becoming increasingly apparent that neither spirits nor flying squirrels are involved in most wireless content-handling. This leaves Fudomyo with little excuse.

Fudomyo's bare-bones animations and sound do not serve to elevate the title beyond its lackluster gameplay. Its audio complement is wholly composed of a single, generically-Asian MIDI loop, which lasts about four measures. Reminiscent of the soundtracks of frenetically paced kung fu flicks, Fudomyo's music evokes a level of action and drama that is wholly absent from its gameplay. The title's graphics befit its simplistic, turn-based game mechanics but are in no way representative of the smooth, polished look featured in other Jamdat games.

Network frustrations, poor production values, and boring, turn-based gameplay make Fudomyo a prime example of the proverbial failed-hype machine. Not even Jackie Chan could have saved this one.