This game can blow my bubble!
You begin the game as Milon. Some princess is stuck in this big, poorly designed castle, and the little blue elf must endure endless respawning enemies and painful boss battles to reach the aid of the one he holds dear. Your only weapon of defense against these foes is bubbles.... Yes, bubbles. Not a sword. Not a whip. Not a magic wand. Heck, even a rainbow colored brick would make more sense than friggin' bubbles! Now it wouldn't be a huge deal so long as they did the job just fine, but no. That's not the case here. The bubbles fire up or downwards diagonally, and the distance they travel is about as effective as a loose butt hair. Which makes an already challenging game even more so.
Now, I know old-school games always pack a challenge. Zelda. Mario. Spy Hunter. They were tough, but fun and accessible to anybody. Milons Secret Castle on the other hand, just makes you angry for all the wrong reasons! Nothing is easy to see. Nothing is simple to find. Everything, and I do mean, EVERYTHING has to be found by the player through just blindly blasting away bubbles at every adam and object you see. Doors, items, even portions of the castle. I know secret is in the title, but this is just overkill. Nothing is in plain sight! And the boss fights... don't even get me started. They repeat often, mainly using a different color scheme for many of the encounters, and they just bounce back and forth while firing purple fluff at you. And they never, ever, die! The first fight or two is easy enough, but if you manage to make it to one of the later battles without shutting off the game and murdering the cartridge, then welcome to hell! You'll be bombarded with a ruthless onslaught of purple crap and not even be given the chance to attack. Boss fights should be fun, not endlessly irritating!
And the music? Screw it. A high, half-dead lemur can compose a better score! The tunes are limited to 2 or 3 songs and that about does it. And let me tell you that the main song throughout the castle will follow the player to his or hers own grave, cause you're gonna be digging it once you play this abomination!
Let me put it like this. If you finish this game using Game Genie, well good job. The sufferings finally over. If you complete the game only using a couple walkthroughs, nicely done! But if you have the balls to play the game from beginning to end without any online hints or any cheats in general, you deserve yourself a medal!! No game should be this cryptic. And the fact that the developers actually included a special message if you beat the game 8 times just baffles me! Do yourself a favor and avoid this like the plague. You'll thank me once I'm out of therapy.