I tried to like it. I really tried. I really failed.

User Rating: 2 | Metalheart: Replicants Rampage PC
I've been rediscovering the classics recently, games that I had skipped over back when they were fresh. I noticed how so many games, games which are now considered classic or dated, are given praise as underdogs that somehow slipped under the radar of the gaming world at large. Sitting in a lonely shelf in the corner of an EB Games store, I thought, well, maybe this is one of those rare underdogs.

Man. I was wrong.

There are so many criticisms I can make of Metalheart: Replicant's Rampage. The most prominent of which is the game is so poorly translated from its native Russian that, despite really trying to get into the game despite its many flaws, was hopeless. But playing a mangled translation of an adventure RPG is like playing a first-person shooter without any weapons - you might as well go do something else, like play one of the games Metalheart was obviously trying to copy, namely Fallout.

If you can deal with the awful, though mildly entertaining translation (it's apparent the voice actors were given scripts to read by non-native English speakers, it's funny hearing American voices speaking broken English), the lack of any kind of meaningful support by the game's dev team will surely put you off. There is no sort of automap feature and no way to find exits except by trial and error of waving your cursor around. But I could be completely wrong - maybe these features do exist, and I haven't found them. It's unlikely, but if they do exist, they're hidden in the game's manual.

Oh wait. There *isn't* a manual. Or any sort of documentation instruction in paper or electronic format except an installation leaflet. The game's website does not even have an English forum, and there are no FAQs or Walkthroughs I could find anywhere. I recoiled with terrifying flashbacks of trying to play Derek Smart's games, but even his games came with some sort of documentation. Metalheart has none.

Adding to the frustration is that the majority of the buildings in the game are simple decorations, very few buildings can be entered. And don't even try to

And there you have it. Probably the longest amount of time anyone ever spent doing anything related to Metalheart, including playing it. I want my $20 back.