If Metal Gear is the manifesto of "realistic" popular mainstream games, God Hand is its antithesis.
God Hand does not have a grand sweeping narrative, realistic combat, elaborate level design and jaw-dropping in-game cinematics. But you do get to spank dominatrixes into walls, kick midgets in the groin, beat up gorillas in luche libre masks and kick court jesters into the atmosphere. You play Gene - an outspoken, macho 20-something grafted with the God Hand who lives by his fists ridding demons from town-to-town yet constantly heckled by his hot companion Olivia. At times, the story threatens to creep up with a serious tone but you'll thank Gene and the rest of the over-the-top characters for their great timing. God Hand's cutscenes are unpolitically correct, unapologetic and mostly full of irreverent humor similar to a 90's risque comedy show. There are constant references to popular culture in the form of parodies which will either leave your sides aching or shake your head in disbelief. In several cutscenes, you will catch yourself saying "They did not!" quite a bit... because they just did.
Despite the shock value and tongue-in-cheek humor, God Hand actually has a deep wonderful game underneath. Although the game is mostly about the joy of beating the crap out of people, how you beat them up is the main hook. God Hand rewards you on how creative you get in the beat downs and it doesn't end there. Difficulty settings in God Hand are dynamic, ranging from Level 1 to "Die" - the highest level. Landing hits on an enemy, taunting, and breaking their guard at the right time raises the enemies' difficulty level while taking lots of damage lowers it. The more enemies you defeat on higher difficulties, the bigger the cash bonus at the end of the stage. Obviously, the more cash, the more new moves will be available for purchase. While the concept of buying moves is hardly original, the types of moves that are available and how it gets executed is very satisfying. In God Hand, defense and blocking have taken a backseat to dodging and full-on offense. Gene can learn and equip from 114 moves that are not just merely different animations and attack strengths in beating up people but have different characteristics that are clearly labeled and self-explanatory. Moves like the Granny Smacker can automatically dizzy enemies while the Flying Knees and Rocket Uppercuts can juggle and launch an enemy. But not all moves are completely on the offensive side, there are countermoves such as Guard Breakers that breaks through enemy defenses, evading-type attacks, and moves that quickly "Heat Up" your tension gauge to unleash your God Hand making Gene temporarily invincible to combo your enemies to a pulp. In addition, Gene can also purchase super moves via the Roulette Wheel which is powered by orbs giving you a limited number to use these ultra powerful moves. All of this great stuff is not limited to the shops between towns either. Various powerups are scattered around the levels for health, tension, attack strength and orbs. Choosing to rescue civilians on the side could grant you nice trinkets like healing items or chests containing rare moves.
The game is centered around the simple concept of a thinker's beat-em-up. Laying out how your enemy moves and then providing a loose battle plan creates a visceral yet satisfying experience. Equiping various combinations of moves at your arsenal and using different moves to break the enemy's guard, juggle them in mid air and send them flying towards the wall never gets old. Each enemy and boss all have different attack patterns so you're never left using the same combination of moves to rid the world of demons nor do they fight with cheap tactics.
The cake's icing comes in the form of contextual finishers. Dizzy enemies become victims of combo flurries reminiscent of Fist of the Northstar or spanking girls like little toddlers. If you ever get the experience of dizzying several enemies at once and laying out a flurry of kickfests or a tangle of punches with the bosses, you will see what the excitement is all about.
If you somehow grow tiresome of the normal world you can take a break at one of the towns. Each town is between levels and you can play actual casino games from BlackJack to Poker to gamble your cash, change outfits, or listen to the jukebox. There's also the addictive Ring Challenges where you progress by unlocking challenge after challenge. Each challenge pits you against different combinations of enemies and bosses while meeting certain conditions for each confrontation. For example: Beat all enemies without using the God Hand. Some are very challenging while a handful of them are cakewalk. One of the best Ring Challanges is the Gene vs. Gene fight which is probably next to impossible.
Without even doing the Ring Challenges, Casino, or side quests in rescuing civies, you can squeeze about 12-15 hours. God Hand is one lengthy action game. You may find yourself spending even more time with this game if you find yourself dying alot from fighting the Bosses and unlocking all the Ring Challenges and committed to beating them all.
In the end, God Hand can stand as that sleeper classic while paying homage to '80s arcade ideals. If you consider yourself a hardcore PS2 owner looking for those great rare games that never got the attention it deserved, buy this game. God Hand is a fresh reminder that it doesn't have to take big budgets to put together a classic - just a little bit of creative ingenuity to make games plain fun in beating the crap out of things.