ITT: Jokes that are actually funny

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table.

The mother asks the oldest boy what hed like to eat. "Ill have some ******* French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs.

She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more ******* French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away.

Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I dont know," he says meekly, "but I definitely dont want the ******* French toast."

_______________________________

Rules: If more than 5 people quote your joke as lame or unfunny you remove it. And don't call this one lame or unfunny cus I need one for the OP. Plus keep it clean or at least border-line. Racist jokes are so 90s, anyway.

Edit: one person found it unfunny, this one is better.

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony.

I was hoping for a gun. That joke was lame and unfunny.guynamedbilly

[QUOTE="guynamedbilly"]I was hoping for a gun. That joke was lame and unfunny.clembo1990

Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she sits "AROUND" the house.

Here's one my brother made up.

You're so smart that when you went to Albert Einsteins lab he said "Get out"

Shin: A device used to find furniture in the dark.cd_rom

[QUOTE="cd_rom"]Shin: A device used to find furniture in the dark.McJugga

[QUOTE="cd_rom"]Shin: A device used to find furniture in the dark.McJugga

Found this one somewhere on some other forum:

It was once said that a black man would be President of the United States "when pigs fly." 100 days into Obama's presidency... Swine flu

Shin: A device used to find furniture in the dark.cd_rom

Awkward Abbreviation

"Sush"

What do you get from a bulldog and achitzu BS.

*Badum tish*

What do you get from a bulldog and achitzu BS.

*Badum tish*

JimCarreyForYou

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN McCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road!

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interwesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, forw the firwst time, the heart warming storwy of how it experienced a serwious case of mowlting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dweam of cwossing the woad.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@*&^(C% .........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

One day a 90-year-old man went to see his doctor. He told him that his 18-year-old girlfriend was pregnant. "It's a miracle!" The man said.

The doctor thought for a moment, and said, "You know, this one time, I was being attacked on the street, and I only had my umbrella with me. Well, I held the umbrella up in defense and then the man was shot. It was a miracle that my umbrella fired a bullet."

The old man laughed and replied, "That's impossible! Somebody else must have shot the man!"

The doctor smiled and said "My point exactly!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?dieric17

DESCARTES: First we must define if the chicken is infact "real". It clucks therefore it is.

BILL CLINTON: I did not have sexual relations with that chicken.... Oh THAT chicken!

GEORGE BUSH: That chicken crossed the road to peace in the middle east and disrupted freedom within the region. Now watch this drive.

SAMUEL L. JACKSON: Enough is enough! I've had it with these monkey flipping chickens crossing this money friday road!

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table.

The mother asks the oldest boy what hed like to eat. "Ill have some ******* French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs.

She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more ******* French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away.

Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I dont know," he says meekly, "but I definitely dont want the ******* French toast."

_______________________________

Rules: If more than 5 people quote your joke as lame or unfunny you remove it. And don't call this one lame or unfunny cus I need one for the OP. Plus keep it clean or at least border-line. Racist jokes are so 90s, anyway.

Edit: one person found it unfunny, this one is better.

clembo1990

What do you get from a bulldog and achitzu BS.

*Badum tish*

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.dieric17

[QUOTE="guynamedbilly"]I was hoping for a gun. That joke was lame and unfunny.clembo1990

Pwned.

How do you get Lady Gaga annoyed? Poke 'er faceclembo1990

Man goes to a bar

Bartender notices that there is a steering wheel jammed into the man's pants over his crotch

Bartender says "You realize you have a steering wheel in your pants, lol"

Man says "Lol i kno its driving me nuts"

[QUOTE="clembo1990"]How do you get Lady Gaga annoyed? Poke 'er facesuper_mario_128

[QUOTE="super_mario_128"][QUOTE="clembo1990"]How do you get Lady Gaga annoyed? Poke 'er faceclembo1990

[QUOTE="clembo1990"][QUOTE="super_mario_128"] That's almost as bad as the Pokemon joke: How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Poke 'im on.super_mario_128

I have more... A man is talking to his friend about holidays: "Well last year I took my wife to the Carribean" "Jamacia?" "No she wanted to."clembo1990

[QUOTE="super_mario_128"][QUOTE="clembo1990"]How do you get Lady Gaga annoyed? Poke 'er faceclembo1990

[QUOTE="cd_rom"]Shin: A device used to find furniture in the dark.McJugga

[QUOTE="clembo1990"]How do you get Lady Gaga annoyed? Poke 'er facesuper_mario_128

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Coz they ARRRRR....

[QUOTE="MetaKnight50"]Guy 1: Joe Guy 2: Joe who? Guy 1: JOE MAMA! I dont really listen to jokes or disses anymore. The only things that are funny in my school are random funny crap people say/do.clembo1990

Another dry one: Why are Pirates Pirates?

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Coz they ARRRRR....

dramaybaz

What do 9/10 People enjoy??? Gang rape solidgamer

A duck walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender.

Bartender, "Hi, can I help you?"

Duck, "Yes, do you have any quackers?"

"No, sorry."

The next day the duck comes back at the same time

"Do you have any quackers?"

"No, I told you that yesterday"

The next day the duck comes back at the same time.

"Do you have any quackers?"

"No, and if you ask me again i'm going to nail your webbed feet to the ground!"

The next day the duck comes back at the same time.

"Do you have any nails?"

"No"

"Do you have any quackers?"

Hehehe isn't that great?

Found this one somewhere on some other forum:

It was once said that a black man would be President of the United States "when pigs fly." 100 days into Obama's presidency... Swine flu

doanm

That joke make me smile.

How do you have a party in outer space? You PLANET