The results are a tad late, but we hope that you're satisfied with our thoughts! Before you get them though I'd like to congratulate all that entered, the standard was very high, and it was very hard to pick and overall winner!
Great job all!
Whispers on the Wind
By EndlessGame
Fifth Place
Was the story engaging? Another story that doesn't really grab you and make you want to read more, but like a couple of other stories I think it actually got better the more I read it. The whimsical tone, and lyrical feel, really make it a pleasure to read again and again, and the subtleness of the tone helps with this too.
Originality: plot, voice and structure. The plot is certainly original, or at least an original take on an old cliché, and as pretty much every idea has been done, that's original in my mind! The voice too was original, though at times I think it stuck a little too closely to anime clichés to be truly unique.
Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? While the world, and characters were believable overall, I didn't think that the way it unfolded was entirely convincing. It's an ironic thing—as this was part of the meaning—but it was just far too easy, and the lack of any struggle didn't help matters either! The main character's development wasn't entirely successful either. We were given titbits of information, and heard of his actions, but it didn't amount to anything in the end, and his demise was probably too early to resolve anything about him, or develop him further.
Was the voice original and strong?
The voice is certainly strong, though not at first, but after reading it a few times, it really caught me. I could hear the soft tune, I could feel the soft tune! Forgive the pun, but it really hit a chord with me. As I said earlier, it is original, though only to a certain extent. Of course moving away from the anime clichés could lessen its impact, so may not be beneficial overall.
Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?
The language is probably the strongest of the bunch, there's few times were word choice destroys the feeling of a scene, and without a strong use of language the atmosphere, and sound of the melody, would simply not be as strong. However the structure is a bit weak. There's really not much too it, it's very simple, but simplicity is not necessarily needed here, and it ends far too abruptly without having really resolved everything.
Greet Death
By Stevenscott14
Fourth Place
Was the story engaging? Can I get a hell yeah? From the moment you read the fantastic opening line you've killed her you're hooked until he's holding his own gun to his head. On the first read this was definitely the most engaging, though after multiple readings it looses a lot of its impact, and as such the engagement drops drastically.
Originality: plot, voice and structure. Overall the concept of the story is not original, and neither is the way it unfolds. But cliché is not necessarily a bad thing, and with the incredibly original voice, the fact that the plot is rather cliché, does not detract from the experience. However it does hamper longevity. The cliché is not explored deeply enough, and as such after a couple of reads it comes across as a little shallow, and though the voice is original due to the smooth, seamless **** it loses a lot of impact after multiple reads.
Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? The world is reasonably believable, though a couple of odd word choices help diminish that. But overall the world is not only believable but engaging, you feel how hostile it is—or at least how hostile he believes it is. The character himself was engaging to begin with, though the star of the show is clearly is conscience who owns every passage he is involved in, which is thankfully most of the story! However once again I didn't feel there was a whole lot more to the character after multiple reads.
Was the voice original and strong?
Ah, the voice. It's exhilarating, fast, and virtually flawless. Though, of course, there are flaws, but from memory there are only two major ones, and both are word choices that can be easily fixed. It could probably benefit from some tighter editing too, but this was probably the strongest voice of the entries, and one of the most original. Truly an exhilarating read.
Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?
Though the ****is simple, and pretty much just gets us from point a to point b, it's carried of wonderfully, and if it was anymore complex it would lessen the impact on the first read. Of course, it's arguable that the same simpleness is detrimental after multiple reads, but I say it's worth it for the exhilaration of reading it once!
The same can be said for language too, it's subtle, but effective, simple, but powerful. The language of the voice in his head is worth mentioning I think. It's a simple device, but a hard one to pull off, and it requires subtly. The language used for it is subtle indeed, but pretty much flawless, and it fleshes out the structure too.
Siegfried
By MetalGear_Ninty
Third Place
Was the story engaging? Not as gripping some of the other entries, but it certainly doesn't fail to engage, and due to its thick ****it stays interesting read after read after read. In fact it's certainly one of the most consistently engaging entries.
Originality: plot, voice and structure. The plot itself isn't incredibly original, but it's got a few twists to it and is quite an interesting concept. What is incredibly original though is the voice. In fact, I'd say it's quite ambitious too. With its heavy use of simile and symbolism it can be heavy reading, and though some of the descriptions fall a bit flat, or go on for a touch too long, it's certainly a very distinct and refreshing voice.
Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? The world is certainly believable, though perhaps it should've garnered a little more attention, as it feels a little shallow as it is. There's really only one character, the protagonist, and he's certainly believable, though once again he could be a bit more fleshed out. However his development is very interesting, he starts out as a well loved hero, but when he does what is expected of him he is a man who lacks meaning in his life. The development is very well done, if not a little too abrupt.
Was the voice original and strong?
The voice is probably not the strongest, but it's certainly the most original. The humble simile is something I personally love, but it's a rare beast that is often butchered by authors. Here, sometimes they fall a little flat, but the rest of the time they're spot on, and it's wonderful to see. Perhaps with some tighter editing the voice would be much stronger, but as it is, it's incredibly original, but a little rough. Polish that diamond!
Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?
The language is a bit hit and miss, sometimes the word choice is impeccable and powerful, and other times it ruins the feeling of the scene that the voice has worked so hard to set up. The structure itself is solid to begin with, but the story ends far too abruptly. I believe you were suffering from writer's block towards the end so you had to end it, and that's a pity. But overall the structure is good enough to convey the story successfully.
The Revenge of Schnteider
By theeman2000
Second Place
Was the story engaging? Like Greet Death, the first read was incredibly engaging. The mix of physical comedy, and pop culture references is incredibly funny first time around. I grinned many times, and that doesn't sound like high praise, but it's very hard to get me even to smile when reading fiction! Definitely one of the funniest things I've read on TWL, let alone this comp! But the craziness looses a bit of humour on multiple reads, due to the surprise being lost.
Originality: plot, voice and structure. Out of context by far the most original story here! However this crazy sort of comedy has been well established since Monty Python. Don't get me wrong though, this particular blend of pop-culture references was far from unoriginal! And let's be honest, who the **** doesn't hate Dora the Explora?The voice as well I would call original, it's rare to see physical comedy carried off successfully, especially with such an almost stop start **** Plus, the powerful opening moving suddenly to Dora deporting Schneider is a stroke of absolute genius!
Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? Theeman2000 definitely deserves a lot of credit for making his story believable. It's harder than you might think to make such a crazy story convincing, but there's no denying he does it here. Hell, the characters themselves are believable. Though Dora swearing is a little less unbelievable than you might think! ;) There wasn't a whole lot of character development, though there usually isn't in this ****of comedy so it's hard to criticise it for that. Hell, the main character develops somewhat, from his determination at the beginning of the story, to the willingness to accept his fate at the end.
Was the voice original and strong?
The voice isn't particularly strong, but that's definitely a good thing. It puts the focus on the physical elements of the story, and it certainly adds to the story. It's quite original too, often in physical comedies a writer will not go for a minimalist approach, they will try to describe too much, and Theeman2000 certainly doesn't do that here.
Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?
The structure contributes to the story immensely, at least on the first read. Starting the story with such an intro, only to have it so rudely interrupted by Dora, is as I said earlier, is a stroke of genius. And then ending the story on a similarly serious note would have rounded things off nicely, had it not been a bit too abrupt. In fact overall the biggest criticism of the structure would be the pacing. The stop start pace of it was fantastic, however at times things were a bit too abrupt, or went on for a little too long. The language was pretty good overall, but due to the minimal ****there's not much to say about it.
My worst Enemy
By Freek666
First place
Was the story engaging? The story isn't entirely gripping to begin with, in fact I think on the first read it was probably the least engaging of the lot. But as you re-read it and delve deeper there's real depth to it, and the story engages you no matter how many times it is read.
Originality: plot, voice and structure. Though it's an idea heard of before, the use of the metaphor is quite original, and in general carried of successfully. The same can be said for the voice, though there were a few problems with it that we'll get into later. What was very original, and gave the story a remarkable feel, was the composition. It's nicely structured, and flows very smoothly. The transition from reality to his head is nicely done too, though at times it can feel a little gratuitous. Overall though you can't describe the composition as anything but original.
Were the world and characters believable? And did the characters develop? Overall the characters are definitely believable, in fact I'm sure we can all relate to them in some way. The characters develop too, though the result is a little abrupt, the struggle is a deep one. However there are a few things that hinder believability, apart from a couple of problems with the voice, there are times where the story really does feel gratuitous. The fight, for example, seems to go on for a little too long, and although I can enjoy the metaphor, I think it would have benefited from a little more subtlety.
Was the voice original and strong?
The voice is certainly strong and confident. But tense issues and other grammatical errors hamper the flow somewhat, which stop it from being fully appreciated, and they certainly stand out due to the otherwise smooth feel of it. Not only that but there's some major word choice problems that hamper the setting and interfere with atmosphere. The voice is definitely in need of polish, and I know that sounded quite harsh, but overall it was reasonably strong, and the confidence of the writing was certainly powerful in itself.
Did the use of language and structure contribute to the story?
The structure and composition is where this story really stands out. Part 1 sets the scene very successfully thorough dialogue, and then part two delves deeper into the themes of the story, moving away from the dialogue and instead telling the narrative through description. It could be made a little more concise in areas, but overall the transition is seamless. Then we have part 3, the finale. Everything is unravelled through a large helping of dialogue, symbolism, description, and monologue. Finally the story is ended on a very clever note, and when you first read it you can't help but grin. It's a powerful ending indeed.
- Foolz3h
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