Till Death Do Us Part

I don't follow poetry too much. So I don't usually comment on poems. I like this one. The only advice I'll give, is maybe you should break up some of the bigger lines. For example, if you were to read the poem out loud. Wherever you find yourself pausing or taking a breath, put a line break in. But I'm not sure if this is good advice or not. It's only what I would do.

Also, what do you think as a reader of this poem? It seems like the poem is asking for many things from the reader, but what should the reader expect in return? The same thing? Maybe your poem can incorporate this idea of a give and take relationship a little more? I don't know...

I don't follow poetry too much. So I don't usually comment on poems. I like this one. The only advice I'll give, is maybe you should break up some of the bigger lines. For example, if you were to read the poem out loud. Wherever you find yourself pausing or taking a breath, put a line break in. But I'm not sure if this is good advice or not. It's only what I would do.

DEVILinIRON

One piece I neglected to mention was the intentional setup of the lines. I feel as no task is the same, some are long, drawn out and take a lot of effort, while others are short. It is a great contrast in the tasks that a true friend is to do on a daily basis.

Also, what do you think as a reader of this poem? It seems like the poem is asking for many things from the reader, but what should the reader expect in return? The same thing? Maybe your poem can incorporate this idea of a give and take relationship a little more? I don't know...

DEVILinIRON

Friendship to me is giving without expecting anything in return. If you can give selflessly you are a great friend. Now that isn't saying that you are friends with anyone you do stuff for because there needs to be a mutual understanding. My point is that anyone can give and expect to receive, but only true friends are willing to give without a clear view of receiving anything whatsoever.

Cool. I understand about the reason for the lines, but I think it's still kind of awkward. Like I said, in your shoes I would break the longer lines up. It doesn't hamper the meaning to do this either. But like I said, I don't follow poetry much. So take my comments lightly. I'm not saying your poem is bad by any means. Sorry, I feel awkward myself, talking about poems.
DEVILinIRON

Don't worry about it. Any criticism is good criticism. You are right, it would be logical to break up the poem into smaller, easier digested bits, however, the entire way a poem is meant to be setup is through the eyes of the poet. He/she is to setup it in the way that will make their point in whatever way they wish it to be said. It just so happens that in the minor detail to many that is visual format seems much more appealing to the poet than other one's that could have been chosen in this situation.

What you must remember is that a poem is not an essay, it's not formal and it can be very powerful by simply being awkward. Now I am not saying that all poems are beautiful (I've written some pretty lousy ones), but the genius behind the poem is the st.yle in which you write. Some will write perfectly, others won't - we as writers just need to hope that we drive our point home in the minds of as many readers as we possibly can.

I actually agree with Foolz3h, as when I read it, I was thinking of a romantic relationship rather than a friendship. I think the use of repetition here is very powerful, as it reasserts into the reader that life is a repetition of the same things done over and over again, and although life might change, the changes to everyday life are so subtle that you don't really realise that it's happening until it has happened. Like growing old - you don't really realise that you're growing old until one day it hits you that you can't do something that you could do before.

The rhyme scheme also makes the poem flow along very well, again showing that life just flows along gradually without the living realising it, until the time has passed. The only thing I find a bit odd is the separating between the two last stanzas. I would personally merge those two, as it would probably flow a bit better... but again, that's just my opinion, and as you said, poetry isn't supposed to be formal.

The rhyme scheme also makes the poem flow along very well, again showing that life just flows along gradually without the living realising it, until the time has passed. The only thing I find a bit odd is the separating between the two last stanzas. I would personally merge those two, as it would probably flow a bit better... but again, that's just my opinion, and as you said, poetry isn't supposed to be formal.

helios_rietberg

Initially, I actually had them together ... no idea why they are separated.

Wow, that was a very good poem! ^_^ It really gives off a great message about relationships with others effectively through the use of comparison and repetition (which I often am not in support of but worked really well here)! ^_^ The explanation you put in the end also helped us to better understand the poem more! ^_^ Good job!