A River of Godsblood (Now also on the new board, P4.5 C8 is up)

It's also here 

(Image created with Art Academy Season 1 and what little artistic skill I have)

I have now finished the first timeline (well, technically two timelines) og my latest project, and I intend to start translating and post updates on a regular basis (one chapter every weakend), but first let me tell you a little bit about it.

I like to call A River of Godsblood a Multiple Timeline Fantasy piece, because I don't think the terms "Pick your path" or "choose your own adventure" does it justice. It is a story that branches out due to choices that the main characters make. After part 1 the story splits into three. All the part 2s (2.1, 2.2 and 2.3) take plays several years after part 1, but they start off in three different places and while the main character is (genetically) the same person, she has three different names (Rubina, Sivia and Bloodeye). The image above is Bloodeye.

I am trying to make it rewarding to read through all timelines. There are people you encounter in different timelines under very different circumstances (secretive mumbling). 

Here is an image showing how the story branches out and my progress.

NOTE: The image may be subject to change later on. I have currently only made plans for timelines 1-10 (the ones ending in part 5.1-5.10). As you can see, I have just assumed that all the other parts will have choices with two alternatives. It will also be updated whenever I finish writing or translating a part.

Timelines including part 2.1: Main character is named Rubina

Timelines including part 2.2: Main character is named Sivia

Timelines including part 2.3: Main character is named Bloodeye

Timelines may contain various levels of violence and mild or not so mild sexual themes. Coarse language is at a minimum.

You should expect an update every weekend. I am trying to write 500 words a day while also translating 500 words a day, though chapters will still be about 2k words. I want to build up a solid "lead" so that I'll be able to post consistently even if I have little time one week. I probably will rarely post multiple chapters in one week until far into the project.

Links: (NA = currently not available)

Part 1 - The Ruby 

Part 2.1 - The Stranger (NA)

Part 2.2 - through the woods

Part 2.3 - The Chain (NA)

Part 3.1 - The Army (NA)

Part 3.2 (NA)

Part 3.3 - The Commander

Part 3.4 - The Nurses (NA)

Part 3.5 - The shooter (NA)

Part 3.6 - The wall (NA)

Part 4.1 (NA)

Part 4.2 (NA)

Part 4.3 (NA)

Part 4.4 (NA)

Part 4.5 - Towards Arderian

Part 4.6 - The Silver Lady (NA)

Part 4.7 - Hunted (NA)

Part 4.8 (NA)

Part 4.9 (NA)

Part 4.10 (NA)

Part 4.11 (NA)

Part 4.12 (NA)

Part 4.13 (NA)

Part 5.1 (NA)

Part 5.2 (NA)

Part 5.3 (NA)

Part 5.4 (NA)

Part 5.5 (NA)

Part 5.6 (NA)

Part 5.7 (NA)

Part 5.8 (NA)

Part 5.9 - The Victor (NA)

Part 5.10 - Distrust (NA)

Part 5.11 - Vengence (NA)

Part 5.12 - 79 (NA)

Part 5.13 - The diversion (NA)

Part 5.14 - (NA)

Part 5.15 (NA)

Part 5.16 (NA)

Part 5.17 (NA)

Part 5.18 (NA)

Part 5.19 (NA)

Part 5.20 (NA)

Part 5.21 (NA)

Part 5.22 (NA)

Part 5.23 (NA)

Part 5.24 (NA)

Part 5.25 (NA)

Part 5.26 (NA)

Any comments are much appreciated. 

My body is ready, I anticipate the coming.

Mind=blown.

Sounds like it's going to be a massive challenge making sure that it doesn't become either incredily repetitive, incredibly confusing, or both. How are you going to make sure that all alternating branches are interesting and that readers will be able to remember which branch they're on? Although I suppose I'll have to read to find that out.Barbariser

As far as preventing confusion I'm confident I have it covered. As far as keeping the timelines different enough, there are a couple that will be challenging, but I'm optimistic. It helps that so much time passes between part 1 and the various parts 2. It feels more like three starting points rather than 2.

Mind=blown.

Foolz3h

This looks very interesting, and ambitious. 

Also, I love your picture. 

My body is ready, I anticipate the coming.

Sharpie125

IT HAS BEGUN!

Link to part 1 added in the original post. Also made some changes to the original post and added some information on my schedule near the end. Enjoy! 

Hello!

I don't know how much you'll take away from our crits (seeing as a lot of it is already written) but maybe you can let us in on developments, and if we're hitting the mark or not. If not, take it in stride and hopefully you'll incorporate it into future drafts :)

I'll say that this story comes at a great time--not so much in terms of my ever growing workload--but I'm really taken with the setup. From what I can tell it's about a girl coming to terms with her imagination and who is probably destined for great things. I just watched Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012) last week (and was listening to the soundtrack as I read this) and I love the coming of age narrative that you seem to be gearing up for. I hope to be seeing those elements in the coming chapters, and if I could make a suggestion, I want to see more from point of view (thoughts/commentary/so on) to give us her perspective of the events unfolding around her.

For instance, during the story of folk mythology, I wanted to know how the girl was visualizing everything--putting her spin on it, if you will. That's part of the magic imo. Then in the next scene(s) it would be cool to see how she deals with her perception that she is a Demigod (versus a regular god?). Like, instead of telling Beaky what we just learned in the last scene, I'd love to see her running around, hitting things with a stick or zapping the trees because "that's what demigods do." That kind of thing, if you know what I mean :P. Then it could transition extremely well into the next bit about the destruction of the town. It'd be a great jumping off point in regards to her however-old psyche... I could see either survivors' guilt, or she believes she is being punished by the gods and goes on a redemptive quest. Maybe one of your timelines will sway this way.

Anyhow, thanks for the read. I can't wait to see how this will unfold.

I think one of my biggest problems at writing is that I'm horrible at making second drafts. I'd usually rather move on to a new project. Still, all input is well appriciated. Without spoiling too much, I will reveal that the Demigod thing really only plays out in a third of the timelines (those where the girls name is Bloodeye) and the first timelines I will be writing and translating are the six that springs out of part 3.3, so they will follow Sivia.

Anyway, chapter 2 of part 1 is now up. Follow the link in the original post. 

Ooh, I forgot:

Do you guys want me to post chapter 3.2 now as well or wait until later? It isn't significant to timelines 9 and 10, so it could wait unless you want to see the alternate outcome of the girl's choice. I have already translated it though.

I wanted to make a decision now lol, so if you have 3.1 or 3.2 I'll take a look at them.

I kind of agree with flash. Not so much that it's a chore, but it can really break the flow of my reading if there's too much stuff all at once. Myself I'm probably just going to choose one set of choices from beginning to end and crit the timeline I read (you don't get to see all outcomes in Kotor or Mass Effect during one playthrough!) I did look at both 3.1 and 3.2 just to get a feel for the outcomes, and I think I'm going to go 3.2... it seems the most intriguing. If a little girl is getting peed on--which is totally not okay--right at the beginning of her character arc, you just know there's going to be one hell of a pay off by the end.

To both of you. I can see where you are coming from, and I hope I'll be able to surprize you. The main reason I think I can do better is that you are comparing me to video games. The thing is, in a video game the timelines can't vary all that much. They have to be slight variations of each other because otherwise making the game would be five times as much work. While I do face the same problem with more work, this is not a piece of entertainment that cost milions of dollars to make, so I can do that.

Here is an example of something a game just can't do (except maybe right near the end). Make a choice that decides where you go. They can't afford to design twice as many areas when most gamers would just play one timeline and never even see the other areas. It wouldn't be economically feasible, no matter how many 10/10 reviews the game would end up getting. Several - maybe even most of the choices in ARoGB will end with the characters travelling in different directions, interacting with different people, etc.

Also, I'm going to finish an entire timeline first rather than eventually giving you sixteen alternate chapters. Up until it is completed it will be just like following any other series - except it is longer than anything else I've posted (hopefully I'll be able to keep the other timelines shorter). I'll be following the timelines where the girl rescued the Knight and the Knight chose not to bring her along.

Anyway, first chapter of part 2.2 is up.

I will admit to one problem, which is that for this part it seems like part 1 might as well not have existed at all. It is basically a hard restart. 

I wasn't comparing this to a video game; I agree that this is pretty vastly different from the video game definition of "open-ended". My issue is I'm not sure whether I even want to choose which route the story goes. Does that make sense? I'm used to reading a story and kind of getting the sense that it is the definitive story about this or that. Now there's no definitive anything because whatever route I choose, there's another I haven't.

I think it would've been better if you released one arc, then gone back and introduced the varations. I dunno why that seems better...

Well, I guess we just have to disagree on that.

Chapter 2 of part 2.2 is up. 

EDITED: And now chapter 3 is up. 

EDITED AGAIN: Chapter 4 too. 

Bump, because I missed the last chapter and I've been skimming the board the last week daily. 

And, welp, I guess Sivia needs to put Fiola out of her misery now :P. Which is a shame, because Sivia is almost as helpful as a sack of potatoes. I kind of wish Fiola was the main character, seeing how capable she is.

Or at least eventually become like Xena and her not-really-lesbian-but-totally-lesbian-you-just-know-it companion. Please let this happen.

I like to call A River of Godsblood a Multiple Timeline Fantasy piece, because I don't think the terms "Pick your path" or "choose your own adventure" does it justice.

I just realized I missed last weekends update. Also, I'll be offline for at least ten days, so I guess I'll have to post three chapters when I get back.

See you all later. 

So as promised the last three chapters of part 2.2 are up. Next up for translation is part 3.3.

Here it is. 

EDIT: And now part 3.3 chapter 1 is up 

First of all, chapter 2 is up. 

Hang on this is confusing, after chapter 3.1, I want to read part 2.1. Is that up yet?iloveflash

I thought you read the original post :evil: 

I am going to finish one set of timelines before moving on to the next. After I'm done with timelines 9-14 (which will be a while) I might move on to part 2.1 or 2.3 (depending on what you guys want the most). Although both of those parts are written, so I guess I could put them up if you all want me to. On the other hand I would not to take a break from translating this timeline, because I'm afraid it would lead to confusion.

You know what, I think I'll put up a poll.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT THE POLL:

• Pros for translating 2.1 and 2.3: While I'm going to translate timelines 9-14 first, I'm open for suggestions on what to translate after that. If I put up 2.1 and 2.3 you'll have a better idea of what timelines you want me to write and translate next.
• Pros for continuing the current timeline: I am going to finish 9-14 first regardless, so it is going to be a while before I get to continue the timelines of 2.1 or 2.3. The current timeline is particularly long (part 2.2 was 20k words, part 3.3 is 30k and 4.5 is almost 60k). It will be kinda like your parents telling you in February what you're eventually going to get for Christmas.

The fact that it's April only terrifies me further.

Alright, I'll buckle down and start reading 2.2. Write away good sir.

So I just finished chapter 2 of part 2.2, where Sivia faints after getting chased by the rogue soldier and Fiola hacks him to death.

First off, Fiola. Just so much wut with this character. So much WUT. If I'm not mistaken she was the baby sister of Fioli, not the other way around, right? Which makes her younger than Sivia by a few years, right? Okay.

This little girl knows how to detect the approach of an army, withstand lacerations across her wrist, shows no fear in the face of men dying, and oh yeah, she can ambush and kill one herself.

WUT.

I dunno whether I like her just yet; she seems a bit unrealistic all around. That said, the one thing that occurs to me is how juvenile Sivia seems in comparison. In all regards she doesn't seem to have grown up at all over the past eleven years, her emotional state in particular. We could chalk it up to the trauma from her youth but I don't get the impression that she faints or gets emotional at traumatizing things, which she would have to do to make that theory plausible. However, she faints very easily and elegantly and wonderfully after that chase scene. Why Sivia why.

Those two characters aside, this chapter flowed pretty darn well. Great confrontation between the Ards and the Esters, and pretty much flawlessly executed writing-wise. I can't help but wonder if the Ards drank Godsblood to become stronger, and whether we'll see the side effects of that down the line. I'm also wondering if they don't have some secret vendetta to hunt down the women and sieze their food even after stealing from the men. Judging by their commander's ruthless attitude, it's still possible.

Onto ch.3!

Don't listen to Flash on the realism of children. He didn't believe several elements of a 100% true story involving children that he read recently. :PFoolz3h

What 100% true story?

In retrospect "unrealistic" isn't the right word to describe Fiola. Her personality isn't unrealistic, it's just...I dunno. I don't like her. She's a rebel without a cause.

[QUOTE="Foolz3h"]Don't listen to Flash on the realism of children. He didn't believe several elements of a 100% true story involving children that he read recently. :Piloveflash

What 100% true story?

In retrospect "unrealistic" isn't the right word to describe Fiola. Her personality isn't unrealistic, it's just...I dunno. I don't like her. She's a rebel without a cause.

Kelly's. You'd have to ask her about the 100% part, but it is a true story (if I remember correctly).

Fiola:

Sivia got on my nerves all throughout chapter 3.

Sivia awoke with a scream.

Calm down, Fiola snared.

WaZelda

Seriously, calm down.

Also, it's "sneered". A sneer is when you make a face at someone; a snare is a trap for catching small animals.

her teeth started clamping

WaZelda

Chattering. Chattering teeth are knocking together; Clamping teeth are shut. Or maybe that is what you meant?

Fiola was the only one in the village she could talk to and without her it would be more tempting to lie down on the ground and die than to return.

WaZelda

Pardon me, but wut. I think we've been given a false introduction to these two characters since the start of part 2.2. If they're that close, it should have been expressed in some way near the beginning. Up till now I just thought they were casual friends.

Or maybe Sivia's just whining.

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

...

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

......!

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

WAZELDA WUT R U DOING

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

WAZELDA STAHP

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

WAZELDA STAHP MENTONING IT

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

Their naked chests touched and it embarrassed Sivia, but she did not mention it.

WaZelda

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Fiola padded her on the shoulder

WaZelda

It's "patted". To pat something is to touch it repeatedly with the hand. To pad something is to put some sort of protective plating or armor over it.

Read chapter 4 of part 2.2, where Fiola falls from the tree and OMG I SPILT MY MILK FIOLA GET UP YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE US LIKE THIS.

Sivia is still annoying. Moreso than ever before, actually.

Sivia thought it was too bad they could not stop to appreciate the forest, because she had rarely been so far away from home and there were some animals that almost never showed up around the village.She saw something that resembled a weasel, just black and white and she saw several species of butterflies that were new to her. There were many small animals she only caught a short glimpse of as they ran by.

Wazelda

Just go home Sivia. Go home and chase the butterflies. Go home and comb your hair and play with a doll and let Fiola take over from here.

Sivia felt the suspense as the predator moved closer and the moose stood still watching it. Then suddenly the predator charged forwards. In the next moment it was as if the moose was a different creature entirely. It reared and as the predator jumped it brought its front legs down, its hooves hitting the attacker in the head and knocking it to the ground. With six lightning fast stamps the moose finished the fight and the predator stayed down. Combat lasted just a moment and the moose calmed down as suddenly as it had sparked up. Suddenly it turned its head and nonchalantly walked away.

Wazelda

That moose just became the most badass character in this story.

Sivia woke up with a jump and breathed heavily.

Wazelda

Does this girl ever wake up properly? If she gets married her husband is going to be driven out of his mind.

Good morning!

Fiola rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up.

Wazelda

Meanwhile Fiola wakes up smiling.

That wasnt complaining, Sivia protested.

Wazelda

You're right. THAT, is complaining.

...What? She's making it so easy.

the next moment Fiola and the branch she had stepped on were falling.

wazelda

All I could think was "sh!t just got real". I'm still not a big fan of Fiola, but she definitely has more charm than this stick in the mud named Sivia over here, and this twist just pretty much sealed her legendariness in this story.

To flash:

A) Fiola is the big sister, they are roughly the same age. Sivia have basically always had Fiola to stand up for her and never quite learned to stand up for herself.

B) Wow, I wonder how many times I've used snared and padded incorrectly. I'll have to fix that right away.

C) I hope you'll enjoy how Sivia's character eventually develops.

To everyone:

Chapter 3 is up

Indeed, you've snared and padded up a storm.

One thing I forgot to mention: I noticed you finally started using question marks when characters are asking questions (hooray!). What brought about the end to the rebellion?

Read chapter 5 of 2.2, where Sivia meets Rock and River. Very cool names, btw. I never thought I'd hear something as cool as Cloud up until now. I guess that's natural since CLOUDS COME FROM RIVERS HUUURRR.

Well actually they come from oceans or something, but that's beside the point.

Anyway, it's great to finally have some new characters in the mix. I'm guessing Sivia already has the hots for River judging by the fact that he just got a full paragraph's worth of physical description, which is a paragraph more than any other character has received so far. (Yes, you read that correctly: you haven't described how any of your characters look up until this point. At all.) Great to see Fiola is awake and that her fall didn't amount to any long-winded sidequest or something, although I won't be surprised to find out that her damage is permanent and she has to join Sivia as a nurse. Better yet, it would be cool if Fiola became the nurse and Sivia, for whatever bizarre reason, decides to become the warrior. Oh yessum.

HANG ON. This guy's name is River? And the story is called A River of Godsblood!? SOMETHING UNCANNY ABOUT THIS STIRS.

Indeed, you've snared and padded up a storm.

One thing I forgot to mention: I noticed you finally started using question marks when characters are asking questions (hooray!). What brought about the end to the rebellion?

iloveflash

Just realizing that if I want any of this published one day I might have to join the system.

Lol, the thing about River hit me at some point, and it might be a bit misleading. Still, couldn't make myself go back and change the name.

PS: Chapter 4 is up. I'm glad I built up a lead because Fire Emblem Awakening has taken over my life for the past 8 days and I don't think I've written a word since then.

No, River's a really great name. I hope you don't change it.

Been hearing a lot about FEA lately, but I don't have a 3DS so... :|

I missed an update, so two new chapters up:

Link to part 3.3

Exams are drawing closer, so I'm glad I'm four chapters ahead. As long as I translate one more in the next five weeks I'll be able to keep up the schedule and then summer will be here. 

Their bare chests touched and it embarassed Sivia, but she didn't mention it.

Just wanted to point out that I remember this line word for word. You thought no one would notice but I did.

No, no, flash, I expect you to remember every line word by word. There will be a test at the end of the semester.

Anyway, missed an update again, but chapter 7 and 8 are now up. 

Read chapter 6 of part 2.2. If this series had a movie trailer, the scene where Sivia first drinks godsblood would be the start of it.

Also:

One of those nurses sounds like a slut. (Your guess)

Who in their right mind would name their son Knife.

And that better be a diamond cage or something, general, because in case you haven't noticed your prisoner has super strength.

In the process of reading the final chapter, chapter 8, of part 2.2.

Sivia: As expected.

For some reason this line is just so awesome to me. I can't figure out why.

Made it to the end of part 2.2. Chapters 7 and 8 were the best chapters in the series so far.

It's weird, I had a lot of comments to make while reading this, but now that it's over I don't. Gimme a moment here...

-Candidate U 37 is a much more likeable character than Extremely Whiny Sivia. Mainly because she's no longer whining. If you were to start a second draft with the story focusing on this arc, the tryout for the army would be a great starting place, and then you can do a bit of flashbacks here and there to Extremely Whiny Sivia (henceforth referred to as EWS).

-This is the second time you pointed out that Fiola has sizeable breasts and Sivia has a wasteland. But my right hand is currently too tired to appreciate any of that, so you lose this round.

-That scene where River walks Sivia back to the nurse's hut needs more romantic tension NAO.

-The whole angle of Sivia becoming general kind of came out of nowhere. Even if she became better than the general in battle, don't you kind of have to...earn, that position? River sort of touched on this, but the fact that it was brought up to begin with is a bit unusual.

-I feel like I should feel sorry for Fiola for not making the cut. I kind of want to, actually, now that Candidate U 37 has appeared in the story and surpassed her in ability. Please toss in a few lines in the story where Fiola is frustrated, so I can feel frustrated with her.

I would insert a boob reference here, and it may embarrass you, but I won't mention it.

Seriously, insert that scene. :P

-Where are these recruits coming from? Also, the story hasn't really elaborated on what the Ester Army is doing there in...where are they? Land of the Ards? Neutral territory? Does this region, Sivia's homeland, have a name?

All in all, I'm expecting the next part you've written, in which Sivia joins the army, to become steadily epic.

"Who in their right mind would name their son Knife."

Actually, wrong. While it hasn't been made clear so far in the story, the naming convension of the Esters goes like this: The name ceremony is a rite of passage where a person comes of age and chooses a new name. Your birthname is just your parrents name (mom's name if you're a girl, dad's if you're a guy) with a couple letters added. So Sivia's mother is named Siv while Fiola and Fioli are daughters of Fiol (Norwegian word for Violet). Except from Fiola and Sivia, who are still underage (by less than one year) everyone in the army has picked their own names. As you might have picked up on, it is quite common to have names that are also common nouns.

So his parents didn't name him Knife. That said, if he had a son it would probably be named Knifer untill it grew up. 

"Candidate U 37 is a much more likeable character than Extremely Whiny Sivia. Mainly because she's no longer whining. If you were to start a second draft with the story focusing on this arc, the tryout for the army would be a great starting place, and then you can do a bit of flashbacks here and there to Extremely Whiny Sivia (henceforth referred to as EWS)."

I wanted her past self to be properly established first. I would consider shortening part 2.2 for a second draft though. 

"This is the second time you pointed out that Fiola has sizeable breasts and Sivia has a wasteland. But my right hand is currently too tired to appreciate any of that, so you lose this round."

Your right hand might enjoy part 5.13... Which is probably about hal a year away from translation. MO HA HA:twisted: 

"I feel like I should feel sorry for Fiola for not making the cut. I kind of want to, actually, now that Candidate U 37 has appeared in the story and surpassed her in ability. Please toss in a few lines in the story where Fiola is frustrated, so I can feel frustrated with her."

Why would you assume its not already in the story. I mean, come on. 

"Where are these recruits coming from? Also, the story hasn't really elaborated on what the Ester Army is doing there in...where are they? Land of the Ards? Neutral territory? Does this region, Sivia's homeland, have a name?"

So, my philosophy has been that some details you will pierce together yourself the more you read, but here is a quick explanation.

The Esters live in Estrana, with the capital Liseria and the holy city Esteria while the Ards live in Ardera, whose capital is Arderian. There is no neutral zone between them, unless you count the river of godsblood itself, which is surrounded by a wall on both sides. The training camp (named Vehaka as you'll later find out) is located not too far away from three different villages. It is also pretty close to the holy city while not being too far away from the trade road, so they can join up with the capital's forces if they decide to launch an offensive.

In other news, chapter 9 is up. 

You've now got at least one reader who will follow this story all the way to part 5.13.

Knifer will get picked on as a child. By Riverer.

Read Chapter 1 of part 3.3.

Fiola sent her a short, brooding look that felt like it pinched Sivias heart a bit.

waZelda

She sent Care the brooding look, or Sivia? Either way, Care didn't seem to Care one bit that she had a young woman glaring murderously at everything around her while she gave the tour. Also, the main building (the nursery?) wasn't very properly described. I couldn't figure out if it was a tent or open-ceiling building or what.

Those of you who were not accepted may pack your stuff immediately,"

Wazelda

Formally speaking, this should read "must" pack your "belongings/possessions/things" immediately.

which was divided into two

Wazelda

Two what? Two sides? Two tables? Two rooms?

What beds are free, Sivia asked.

waZelda

"Which" beds are free.

Otherwise you wont be worth jack to the army.

waZelda

Great bit of dialogue here, I just wanted to muse about how this philosophy permeates so much of modern-day contemporary ideology. I'd love for Lloyde from MS to have a talk with Fiola sometime about using one's powers to end wars rather than perpetuate them, and about hiring soldiers based on peacekeeping abilities rather than kill records.

Also, I'm starting to figure out that Fiola is a sociopath in disguise. Well done with that! I vote her as the eventual villain of the story.

Generals dont have the hardest tasks, Fiola said.

wazelda

And now I see why it is possible for Sivia to become a general in this story. In real-life generals are...well, smart. Experienced. On top of having the morale thing down. In this story they just need battle strength and morale. I'm all for battle strength, though, so I'll stop complaining. But perhaps you could incorporate "better intelligence" into the list of godsblood powers to add plausibility to this idea?

There isnt room for both of you, Linda said immediately.

wazelda

There would be if we removed the skank sitting where you are.

Gosh, bro, you got me hating a character from the first line of dialogue.

Also! I'm pretty sure Rose was the one flirting with Spear and acting skanky, not Linda. You should double-check that in part 2.2. (I'm not checking because I want to test whether I'm remembering things correctly)

I love how it's supposed to be that table for soldiers and this table for nurses, but Fiola and Sivia have the nurses discussing war. That aside, that conversation obviously was part of the information you want readers to piece together, but I don't feel like it is a good idea not to at least introduce the names of the places being discussed at an earlier point in the story. I mean, I wrote Metal Shadow Prelude drafts 1 through 5, so I should know. It's very bad to keep readers in the dark. Just a line here and there about the capital, the holy city, and the keystone at SOME point before this chapter, and this confusing dialogue would become much more interesting. Not too many lines! Just a few.

There were a few typos in this chapter but I can't find them anymore.