please go to my blog www.alihamza.posterous.com to read it, i can't copy and paste it onto here for some reason (it's short I promise, it's only one sentence :P)
I don't like the fact it is only one sentence. Why is it onlyu one sentence? To me it seems like you are trying to be mystical and philisophical, but the continuous use of commas really gets me. I think you need to have more powerful punctuation throught the letter to reinforce what you are trying to get across, because as I read it I focused more on the commas than I did on the writing itself, and I had to read it a couple more times to get what you were saying.
I think it can be a beautiful piece of writing with a lot of depth - but I don't understand the punctuation at all. I think it detracts from the words themselves rather than aiding them.
While the fact that it is one sentence is a little hard to read so long as you approach it as a monologue then I think it's managable. I enjoyed it. :)
Log in to comment