Would you chnge the way you act if your best friend were gay

  • 119 results
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3

This topic is locked from further discussion.

#1 Edited by always_explicit (2743 posts) -

I ask this because recently a close friend of mine came out of the closet (which wasnt at all surprising or shocking to me, but the rest of the group seemed a little dumbstruck)

Anyway he myself and a few others train MMA at a local gym and have done for many years and I have noticed since the "big reveal" many of my friends have been less willing to be in close proximity/shower with him etc. Its not something I have an issue with personally because Im not arrogant enough to assume he finds me sexually attractive. Even if he did Im not sure I would modify my behavior particularly.

. What are your thoughts??

Would it bother you?, would you modify your behaviour?, or is it business as usual?

#2 Posted by plageus900 (1005 posts) -

Would it bother me? No.

Would I modify my behavior? No.

I don't know why your friends are less willing to be in close proximity with him. Him being gay doesn't mean he's going to don a jason mask and rape the shit out of them.

#3 Edited by always_explicit (2743 posts) -

@plageus900: Well thats exactly my thought process, I dont know if its just the initial surprise of it, I certainly hope its something that changes because its pretty unfair. I was just interested to see which side of the fence others sit on really.

#4 Posted by MrXboxOne (742 posts) -

Nope, I have gay friends, there great people, fun to talk to and would do anything for them possible. I live by one code...

Love god, and love each other.

#5 Edited by plageus900 (1005 posts) -

@always_explicit: Are you guys fairly young? I remember in high school seeing freshmen jam them selves into a corner at the pissing trough because they were afraid someone was going to look at their wiener. Maybe your friends think he's going to gawk at them in the shower?

#6 Posted by always_explicit (2743 posts) -

@plageus900: Well we got a bit of a range- Im 24 but we got 19, 22, 23, 27, and 30 also. The gay guy is 24 also.

Pretty much all of the guys are treating him differently except the 19 year old who weirdly isnt changing the way he acts, but instead refuses to acknowledge it as truth whatsoever. Not sure if thats better or worse haha.

#7 Posted by Makhaidos (1613 posts) -

My best friend is gay. So am I, for that matter.

#8 Posted by thegerg (14917 posts) -

no

#9 Edited by Master_Live (14250 posts) -

No.

#10 Posted by always_explicit (2743 posts) -

Well i hope they change their attitude and I hope its just a small period of adjustment, I dont fancy finding a whole new circle of friends haha

#11 Posted by lostrib (35080 posts) -

Honestly, I have no idea

#12 Edited by lamprey263 (23305 posts) -

well, gym locker rooms are notorious hookup grounds for homsexual men, maybe it's better you give him space in case you're cramping his style

#13 Edited by nait2k4 (79 posts) -

@always_explicit: Nah, didn't change much between me and my best friend. We talked about it, and he said he was attracted to me, but he knew I wasn't gay, and that I was in a relationship. He ended up being the best man at my wedding.

#14 Edited by Trail_Mix (2021 posts) -

of course not

#15 Edited by megagene (22998 posts) -

A lot of my closest male friends are gay. I knew they were gay from the get-go though so there was no coming out adjustment period.

#16 Posted by LJS9502_basic (150475 posts) -

Nope. I've friends that are gay...did not change anything.

#17 Edited by Teenaged (31743 posts) -

Would it bother me? No.

Would I modify my behavior? No.

I don't know why your friends are less willing to be in close proximity with him. Him being gay doesn't mean he's going to don a jason mask and rape the shit out of them.

Sometimes its just sheer awkwardness, not that they are really afraid he is gonna do something. When you feel awkward around someone, you often distance yourself.

I think its a big deal to them, because, while sexuality is an important part of somebody yet not necessarily defining most part of a person's day to day life, sexuality plays a great role in interpersonal relationships (obviously). Straight men want to feel free to talk to other straight men about women, and especially for the stereotypical straight male, sexuality is the core defining element. If you like ****y you're one of them, if you dont then you're just as good as (or even worse than) the guy that cant get laid, a loser. Even if they are willing to respect gay people and their freedom of expression (which is basically not having to hide the fact), its still probably hard to get over it.

#18 Edited by themajormayor (25713 posts) -

Yes I would probably adjust my behaviour slightly

#19 Edited by Nengo_Flow (9563 posts) -

My best friend in High school was a lesbian. That didnt change my attitude/feels/political views/or made me support gay rights.

I would hang with her gay friends sometimes (males) and, nope still think being gay is wrong and most of the time a fad and as well as totally ridiculous on their parts, and being gay is totally a choice.

I guess its different. My friend was a lesbian.... not a male homo sexual. And I knew from the start that she was lesbian, as opposed to her coming out.

I cant tell you how I would react to a close male friend coming out gay. I generally dont have a problem with gays that act right, its the super ridiculous fairies type that.... I just cant... Do your thing, but you and I cant mix.

#20 Edited by plageus900 (1005 posts) -

My best friend in High school was a lesbian. That didnt change my attitude/feels/political views/or made me support gay rights.

I would hang with her gay friends sometimes (males) and, nope still think being gay is wrong and most of the time a fad and as well as totally ridiculous on their parts, and being gay is totally a choice.

How is it a choice if someone is naturally attracted to the same sex?

#21 Posted by ESPM400 (95 posts) -

I spent a good chunk of my mid to late teens in the rave scene, so no, it wouldn't effect me very much... I have zero problem with it, so long as I don't have to deal with graphic sex talk. I know it's a bit hypocritical, given that as a tradesman I deal with plenty of hetero sex talk.

#22 Posted by Iszdope (9759 posts) -

Nope.

#23 Edited by Serraph105 (27841 posts) -

I believe I have modified my behavior, and definitely my thoughts, about gay people already for the better. Over the years the more I have given thought to why I ever had a negative view of gay people for simply being gay the more those negative views vanished.

So to answer the question, no my view of gay people would not change if it turned out my best friend was gay nor would I change my behavior, but that is because I have already gone through that change years ago.

Also I shower with nobody at gyms, I'm not as comfortable being seen naked by other people as the TC is apparently.

#24 Posted by bob_toeback (11267 posts) -

All your friends are gay, and don't accept it in themselves. With that being said, I'm not sure how it can change anything as yall would be doing this regardless, seeings as yall have been.

#25 Posted by 4myAmuzumament (1748 posts) -

If he started treating me differently then I would treat him differently too. Pretty simple.

#26 Posted by LoG-Sacrament (20397 posts) -

i assume i wouldn't. a few of my friends are lesbian and i don't treat them any differently. i mean, i hit on one before i knew she was a lesbian, but we talked things out and we're fine now. i've had gay friends when i was younger and it didn't really change anything.

#27 Posted by john_doe2 (945 posts) -

No

#28 Edited by Gaming-Planet (13998 posts) -

Nope. I've gotten used to it by now and don't think twice about it. When being homosexual becomes a norm, we won't have to define that person by their sexuality. If only so many did not come out as flamboyant.

#29 Posted by MarcRecon (5521 posts) -

Nope, because our friendship isn't based off of what goes on in his bedroom....that's his dam business! The other interest that we share far out way his personal sexuality.

I think people who question their own sexuality would have issues with it.

#30 Edited by hippiesanta (9817 posts) -

No ... because if they are nice people .... then continue be nice .... unlike some people who turn into a staunch feminist

#31 Posted by HuggyBear1020 (456 posts) -

I had a friend come out to me back in high school. He made it very clear right from the get-to that he knew I wasn't gay and had no intention of coming on to me. So it didn't change anything for me, but he got tons of shit for other people because of it.

#32 Edited by always_explicit (2743 posts) -

I believe I have modified my behavior, and definitely my thoughts, about gay people already for the better. Over the years the more I have given thought to why I ever had a negative view of gay people for simply being gay the more those negative views vanished.

So to answer the question, no my view of gay people would not change if it turned out my best friend was gay nor would I change my behavior, but that is because I have already gone through that change years ago.

Also I shower with nobody at gyms, I'm not as comfortable being seen naked by other people as the TC is apparently.

Never used to be particularly comfortable with the nudity but the MMA training kinda removed the machismo and also the insecurities I had. Im not saying modesty is a bad thing at all of course I totally understand why people would rather retain some privacy.

#33 Edited by k--m--k (995 posts) -

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

#34 Posted by plageus900 (1005 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

You must be joking.

#35 Edited by k--m--k (995 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

You must be joking.

Nope.

#36 Posted by plageus900 (1005 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

You must be joking.

Nope.

How are you against someone's natural sexual orientation?

#37 Posted by k--m--k (995 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

You must be joking.

Nope.

How are you against someone's natural sexual orientation?

"natural"

#38 Edited by plageus900 (1005 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

You must be joking.

Nope.

How are you against someone's natural sexual orientation?

"natural"

Ah I see. Another case of someone spouting off what their daddy says.

So every homosexual that says they don't and have never had sexual attraction to the opposite sex, is a liar?

#39 Edited by Jd1680a (5930 posts) -

No I would treat gay friend with the same respect as everyone else.

#40 Posted by k--m--k (995 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

You must be joking.

Nope.

How are you against someone's natural sexual orientation?

"natural"

Ah I see. Another case of someone spouting off what their daddy says.

So every homosexual that says they don't and have never had sexual attraction to the opposite sex, is a liar?

All I am saying, it isnt natural.

#41 Posted by plageus900 (1005 posts) -

@k--m--k: So what is your reasoning for hating homosexuals?

#42 Posted by always_explicit (2743 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

You must be joking.

Nope.

How are you against someone's natural sexual orientation?

"natural"

Ah I see. Another case of someone spouting off what their daddy says.

So every homosexual that says they don't and have never had sexual attraction to the opposite sex, is a liar?

All I am saying, it isnt natural.

Im interested to see where this universal rule of whats natural and what isnt is located.

#43 Edited by Teenaged (31743 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

You must be joking.

Nope.

How are you against someone's natural sexual orientation?

"natural"

Um yeah, why the doubt. Might I add that its actually paraben-free as well?

[spoiler]In all seriousness, I dont give a **** if its "natural", "innate", "immutable" or whatever. Homosexuality is harmless so... deal with it. If you cant, go cry on your priest's shoulder.[/spoiler]

#44 Edited by Crazyguy105 (9513 posts) -

^ Why are you guys taking his bait? Seriously it was incredibly obvious and yet he still hooked a few.

And no TC, he's still the same guy just a little more comfortable with himself.

#45 Posted by k--m--k (995 posts) -

@k--m--k: So what is your reasoning for hating homosexuals?

No one said anything about hate,. hate is such a strong word. more of passive disapproval I would say.

Im interested to see where this universal rule of whats natural and what isnt is located.

I do sometimes ask myself the same question, what makes something natural and unnatural, and I guess society does, right?

I am just a product of my own society that judges homosexuality as unnatural.

@Teenaged said:

Um yeah, why the doubt. Might I add that its actually paraben-free as well?

[spoiler]In all seriousness, I dont give a **** if its "natural", "innate", "immutable" or whatever. Homosexuality is harmless so... deal with it. If you cant, go cry on your priest's shoulder.[/spoiler]

I guess it depends on how you measure something to be harmless or not, maybe for you it isnt

but what about the homosexuals themselves?

"the male body is not designed to be penetrated during sexual intercourse. The lining of the anus is much thinner than the vagina and tears very easily. The lining of the anus, compared to the lining of the vagina, is also designed for nutrients to pass through it - where a healthy vagina will stop sperm entering any part of the body except the reproductive system the anus will allow semen (and any disease it carries) into the blood stream"


source : http://aflame.blog.co.uk/2010/07/08/blinded-by-science-1-all-in-the-mind-is-homosexuality-a-psychiatric-condition-pt-8936688/

"Even if the condom doesn't break, anal intercourse is very risky because it can cause tissue in the rectum to tear and bleed. These tears allow disease germs to pass more easily from one partner to the other"

Source : http://www.fda.gov/forconsumers/byaudience/forpatientadvocates/hivandaidsactivities/ucm126372.htm#strong

I guess it no difference when male and female have anal sex, but again it doesnt mean it is harmless.

Also I am not Christain, therefore, I have no priest to cry on his shoulder.

#46 Edited by Gaming-Planet (13998 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

@plageus900 said:

@k--m--k said:

Since I am against gay people, I must say yep.

You must be joking.

Nope.

How are you against someone's natural sexual orientation?

"natural"

Ah I see. Another case of someone spouting off what their daddy says.

So every homosexual that says they don't and have never had sexual attraction to the opposite sex, is a liar?

All I am saying, it isnt natural.

Ice Cream isn't natural.

Most of the foods we eat are processed and unnatural. It's why our poop is very toxic to the soil.

#47 Posted by TheFlush (5518 posts) -

Homosexuality is uncommon, just like colour-blindness, heterochromia, hermaphroditism and left handedness are not the norm. They are all natural though.

#48 Posted by k--m--k (995 posts) -

@TheFlush said:

Homosexuality is uncommon, just like colour-blindness, heterochromia, hermaphroditism and left handedness are not the norm. They are all natural though.

Yet, Homosexuality is in my opinion a choice, a sexual preference, not a biological mark.

Otherwise how can you explain people who keep changing their sexual preference, once straight, then gay, then bisexual, then again straight.

I am not saying you are wrong, I am just stating my side of the argument.

#49 Posted by ExtremeBanana (152 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

@TheFlush said:

Homosexuality is uncommon, just like colour-blindness, heterochromia, hermaphroditism and left handedness are not the norm. They are all natural though.

Yet, Homosexuality is in my opinion a choice, a sexual preference, not a biological mark.

Otherwise how can you explain people who keep changing their sexual preference, once straight, then gay, then bisexual, then again straight.

I am not saying you are wrong, I am just stating my side of the argument.

Well your opinion wrong. It's scientifically wrong. I could prove that you're wrong. And those people are pan-sexual.

#50 Posted by TheFlush (5518 posts) -

@k--m--k said:

@TheFlush said:

Homosexuality is uncommon, just like colour-blindness, heterochromia, hermaphroditism and left handedness are not the norm. They are all natural though.

Yet, Homosexuality is in my opinion a choice, a sexual preference, not a biological mark.

Otherwise how can you explain people who keep changing their sexual preference, once straight, then gay, then bisexual, then again straight.

I am not saying you are wrong, I am just stating my side of the argument.

Because they are bisexual, so they can swing both ways. It isn't black or white.

I can't remember when I "chose" to be homosexual, I have never felt anything for a girl, no butterflies, nothing.
A girl can be beautiful, just like a painting or flower can be beautiful, but I just don't feel any romantic or sexual attraction to them, never have, never will.
You can't decide what turns you on or makes you fall in love, it just happens. And in my case it's guys.

And who in their right mind would choose to be homosexual? As if you're not insecure enough in your teenage years, hey let's just add homosexuality to it, just for the fun of it. No, it wasn't fun, my high school years have been a hell because of it. Always hiding your true self, terrified that anyone might find out. I simply wasn't me during those years, it was all fake and it sucked. When I finally came out at 19 I felt so liberated, to finally show me how I really am.

Now, 15 years later I am still happy together with my man. Our relationship has lasted longer than that of most people I know. Why? Because I love him with all that I have, I love being together with him, falling asleep together and waking up together. Long walks in the forest, holding hands, snuggle under a blanket on a cold day. He's there for me when I need someone and I will always be there for him. It's those little things that make me happy. And if some ignorant fools feel the need to stop our love for whatever stupid reason I will destroy them. Because after all it is MY life, not theirs.

But back on topic, you have had a period before choosing your sexual preference (otherwise there's no choice to make right?), the period where you were attracted to both males and females. When did you choose to be solely attracted to the opposite gender?