just saw the new hobbit movie and it was absolutely terrible. despite turning a moderately long children's novel into 3 epic-lengthed films peter jackson has somehow managed to cut out pretty much all of the book's most memorable scenes and instead what is presented is hours of moronic filler material. all the wit and humour from the book is gone and replaced with imbecilic "lol derp" faces and other comparable gags (again with fucking radagast and the fucking bird shit in his hair jesus fucking christ he is a fucking wizard and he has bird shit in his hair and he is on fucking mushrooms this is fucking stupid).
and then he fucking shoehorns legolas into like half the fucking movie even though he adds nothing to the plot and is just there as fanservice. and that stupid elf woman doesn't add anything to the plot either and the entire love triangle between her legolas and kili is the stupidest fucking thing i have seen since idk when. since the last hobbit movie i guess.
and they fucking show sauron and have him speak and show his body. like WTF. that took all of the mystery and terror out of him. i mean as an eye there was a level of abstraction there that made him look strikingly memorable and absolutely terrifying in a supernatural way but this is just like something out of a shitty video game. in fact the entire movie is so full of cgi and looks so fucking fake i might as well have been watching a video game. the LOTR movies were filmed 13 fucking years ago and they look more realistic than this shit because they actually used SETS, and PROSTHETICS, and MINiATURE MODELS of buildings where as in these new movies it's just CGI CGI CGI.
and showing gandalf going around shooting light orbs out of his staff. jesus fucking christ that was so fucking stupid.
i couldn't even keep track of how many pointless battle scenes were put in the movie, which i assume were meant to distract from the two-dimensional characters and wooden dialogue. and speaking of terrible things that made me die a little inside every time they happened, which was - again - more often than i could count, there are SO MANY FUCKING REFERENCES to the LOTR trilogy.
wish ebert was still alive just so he could have ripped apart these films because i KNOW he would have because he UNDERSTOOD the books and their graceful beauty. it's like this is a fucking conspiracy to cover up the fact that these new films are fucking BULLSHIT and i am disgusted by their professional failings, the enormity of which is exceeded only by the failure that is this new hobbit trilogy - the BIGGEST cinematic letdown of my life.
I think this is the most angry I've ever seen Dave.